Insomnia
by dead or alive0013
Summary: AU Lavi/Kanda.Lavi is a young doctor, considered a prodigy. When Bookman asked him to handle a simple case of sleep problem, he was bored. Or so he thought... Rating for safety
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own D Gray Man. I don't make any money from writing this.

Warning: This story will eventually lead to a thing called yaoi. If you don't know what it means, then you must not be old enough to know about it. Go pick another story.

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><p><strong>Insomnia: Chapter 1 (Sleepless)<strong>

The room was dark and silent. Had it not been for the parted curtains, the silvery light of the moon wouldn't have entered and would have left the room in complete darkness. The four poster bed was neat and made, the pristine white sheets untouched and cold. Not a sign of life lingered there, nor at the wooden study at the opposite side of the room where the only source of light was. Books lined the small wooden shelf at the other end of the room while a round table with two chairs stood quietly at the center. An open book and some pieces of paper lay on the table seemingly forgotten. Had anyone entered the room with proper lighting, one would surely notice the wilting bouquet of roses in the middle of this table, hanging morosely and whatever color it once possessed, long gone.

Not that anyone would be entering the room anytime soon, or possibly in four or five years more. The room was, like all the other rooms of the mansion, deserted and probably collecting dust while waiting for occupants that would never come.

A sudden gust of gentle cold breeze blew through the open window. Long curtains as tall as the walls themselves suddenly became visible as they swayed with the movement, revealing the open door of the balcony. Outside, the air was cold but everything was brighter. The moon hung big and mysterious above the star-studded skies. These heavenly bodies cast a subtle and eerie glow of silvery white across the vast gardens, illuminating the thick trees that lined the high stone walls along with the bushes and grass.

Kanda closed his eyes, letting the breeze run through his dark locks. His cheeks felt cold and he clasped his hands in front of him to tighten the blanket that was covering his frail form. Slowly, he turned his back to the silver garden and made his way to the waiting chair of the balcony. He sat and took a moment to breathe warm air on his palm.

He sighed deeply, gently closing his eyes again and letting his head fall back on the back of his chair. He felt so tired. He weakly opened his eyes and stared at the glass of water and the small bottle of pills that were on the table. He coughed as he reached for the bottle, slightly blurring his vision. Kanda stared at the clear container in his hand, seeing the dozens of white tablets inside against the faint moonlight. His doctor had given these two months ago to help him sleep. He had been taking it for a few weeks, each time with gradual increase of dosage until his body finally went numb and became immune to the effects of the drug.

He felt i_so tired_/i. He could barely remember the first time he had taken a single tablet and had fallen asleep after barely five minutes. He had welcomed the heaviness in his eyelids and the cloud that slowly, pleasantly, engulfed his mind. Kanda knew he had once know what it felt like to wake up from a deep slumber but he was forgetting fast. Around the age of sixteen, sleep rarely visited him. He yearned for sleep to come every night since then, but it almost never came. He became wary of the setting sun, thinking that he would spend the night lying awake and getting frustrated. The more he wanted to sleep, the more he forced his eyes. And that's when he never got a wink of sleep at all.

How did this happen? Kanda had asked himself several times but just like sleep, the answer never came to him.

He had taken a few tablets before the sun vanished from the sky and Kanda contemplated if taking more would have any effect at all. He sighed again and let go of the bottle, deciding that he had enough of it. Dr. Bookman had cautioned him not to take too much of it even if the effects start to weaken. He was very tempted to empty the bottle in his mouth just to feel that slip of consciousness again but he pushed the thought away. His doctor will visit him tomorrow and he will give him a stronger drug.

It must be at least seven more hours before the sun rose again but Kanda sat outside, anxious to see the golden rays of morning. It would mean Dr. Bookman's arrival would just be an hour away.

* * *

><p>"Idiot"<p>

The muscle below Lavi's eyebrow twitched when he heard the unmistakable voice that tore him right out of his sleep and into the hard pages of the book he had apparently slept on. He had been reading last night of course, but then he felt tired and didn't even remember when he had fallen asleep. He jerked upright and slightly pushed the numerous books and papers that littered his study as he turned towards the door to see the old doctor glaring at him.

"What time is it?" Lavi asked him timidly knowing full well that he had woken up much too later than he had planned. His fiery red hair was a mess, standing in all directions, while his rumpled white shirt he had been wearing the previous day was wrinkly and hanging loosely with several buttons open. The black tie that he had worn yesterday was somewhere on the floor near his feet.

Dr. Bookman remained silent for a while as if contemplating whether to give the younger doctor a much deserved earful but decided against it. His apprentice might have had his moments of stupidity but he knew Lavi was an excellent doctor. So instead, he settled for a "Ten minutes and I'll have you walk all the way to our destination."

Lavi's jaw fell and he watched his mentor walk away. He quickly got up and snatched his bag. He was snatching papers, equipments, small glass bottles and stuffing them in for five minutes before he remembered that he was still wearing the clothes from yesterday.

The carriage was already passing the gates to the main road when Lavi finally made it out the house, dragging his bag with him. Bookman made him follow and run for a good ten minutes before stopping the carriage and letting the young doctor get in.

"You said ten minutes!" Lavi told him in an accusing tone.

"The patient could have died in less than a minute because you slept in," Bookman barked. He had been reminding himself that the kid was very smart and was a natural in analyzing cases, but Lavi could sometimes do the stupidest things. He glared at Lavi's disheveled suit and messy hair. "And do something about your hair! You want to look at least presentable when we meet the patient."

Lavi grudgingly stroked his hair into some semblance of order before asking, "Where are we going anyway?"

"We're visiting a patient," Bookman answered simply. "He's very important so don't you dare make a fool of yourself."

Lavi thought the 'he' in the old man's statement took out all hopes of fun in this little trip. It was a common occurrence. He frequently accompanied Bookman when he made patient visits but he never really asked Lavi to tame his hair for anyone. It was probably one of those rich geezers with rheumatism whom his mentor visited every now and then. The mental image of a fat, wrinkly, old man sweating beneath silk sheets did not appeal to Lavi much.

At his young age, he had learned the art of distancing himself from these patients. He had seen them come and go all the time, from infants to teenage girls to old people suffering from some terminal disease. He became good at looking at all of them as nothing more than an age, a diagnosis, and a prognosis.

"What is the case?"

"Insomnia," Bookman answered solemnly. He held out a folder to Lavi.

"Insomnia will not kill ya in under a minute," Lavi muttered as he took it and quietly read over the patient file. Bookman ignored him.

_Patient: Yu Kanda_

_Age: 20_

_Chief Complaint: Difficulty falling into/maintaining sleep_

_Working Impression: Chronic Insomnia_

_HPI: Patient reported experiencing symptoms of insomnia for more than four years. Routine check up revealed unremarkable heart and lungs with no signs of trauma or any other medical conditions. However, the patient complains of occasional headaches and constant lack of appetite, weakness, and lethargy. _

_Management: Patient is visited every month and has been given moderately strong narcotics./i_

"He's Japanese?" Lavi blurted out, not able to help his curiosity.

"Kanda Yu is the only son of the late General Kanda Takehiro," he told Lavi.

"He is from _that_ Kanda family?" Lavi asked, amazed. He was aware of the late general's adventures and heroic deeds for his country. It was known to people who pay attention to international news that the general came to London about a decade ago to retire right after leading a small fleet of war ships into a victory that nobody expected. Lavi had immediately thought that it was odd how a man so devoted to his country would choose to stay in a foreign land to raise a family.

"I've been the Kanda family doctor since the general moved to London. I was even there when an incurable disease took young Kanda-kun's mother," Bookman said. "He was only five at the time."

Lavi nodded. He knew Bookman treated people from both the farmlands and the mansions. Now they have an affluent Japanese insomniac. He stared at the file of the Kandas' only child, vaguely thinking of what might have caused his insomnia. From what he knew, insomnia usually lasted for less than a month and normally resolved itself eventually. What could have caused this very young man, who seemed to have everything, to lose sleep for at least four years? Too much sushi? He laughed to himself.

Then again, Lavi had seen worse. Insomnia wasn't nearly as interesting as traumatic blow to the head, or hemophilia, or internal bleeding. Treating a guy who was around his age, from a disease far from being life-threatening was not something Lavi would volunteer for. He could almost smell the boredom coming ahead.

"This looks like an interesting case," he commented nonetheless. "How far is the mansion?"

"That is the problem," Bookman said gravely, knowing full well that the case did not capture his apprentice's interest. "In my last few visits, Kanda-kun has become weaker. He would not eat properly and fevers increased in occurrence."

"Sounds like the insomnia is getting to him," Lavi said simply. "Anyway, why is he living in the country side and not in London?"

"It was the general's decision a long time ago," Bookman answered vaguely.

"The general lives with him?"

"The general went back to Japan a year before Kanda-kun has insomnia. He had always been going to other countries even before."

The sun had started creeping up behind the tall mountains and he looked at the trees they pass through the window, trying to imagine a young Asian man with big eye bags eating ramen with chopsticks for breakfast. There's more to this case than what Bookman was telling him.

"Maybe he's just lonely and his problem is all psychological," Lavi said. "Three years of lying awake is finally taking a toll on his body."

"It should have years ago. He is very determined to get well," Bookman said. "But I'm afraid will alone won't be enough for him."

* * *

><p>When they were near enough to see the mansion, Lavi immediately peered outside the carriage and took in the high iron gates and stone walls that enclosed the big white structure. It reminded him of the university he had attended for his medical degree a couple of years back. Tall trees lined the inside of what seemed to be a fortress while flowerless bushes and shrubs were scattered across the obviously neglected garden. The complete absence of people gave the mansion an eerie, foreboding feel.<p>

As the carriage neared the mansion itself, Lavi caught sight of long black hair swaying with the wind. He squinted his eyes a little and made out a pale, beautiful face and elegant neck. Lavi was about to ask Bookman who the girl was but he was distracted when she suddenly turned around and disappeared from the balcony.

As soon as they got off the carriage, Lavi expectantly looked at the giant wooden doors of the mansion for someone to help them with their bags, and possibly be greeted by the girl. He placed his bag on the dirt and took a moment to fix his hair and straighten his brown suit. However, he saw Bookman walk straight to the door, open it, and enter the mansion. His head reappeared by the door.

"Come on," he called Lavi as if he had just remembered about his apprentice.

Lavi closed the doors behind him with a low thud and turned to look around the inside. He took in the dark wooden furniture all over the vast receiving area. He followed Bookman into the main hall and saw the vast space at the end of it. Ornate wooden chairs and tables were assembled in front of a big fireplace. Beautiful paintings, carpets, pottery, and statues were everywhere, giving the place an impression of class and lavishness. Some of the pieces were obviously from the orient. They stood out from shelves and walls to Lavi's eye. He had never been to Asia.

But what really caught Lavi's eye was the giant staircase that branched into two halfway, leading to a left and right passages; particularly the beautiful black-haired girl standing at the right side of the first landing, wearing a plain white kimono. She was staring at them, slightly hunched over to her left with both hands gripping on to the railings for support. Pink lips were slightly parted in an effort to aid her breathing. She looked at Bookman and then to Lavi before finally collapsing on her knees. He quickly identified her as the same person he saw outside.

"Kanda-kun!" Bookman exclaimed as he swiftly rushed up the stairs, stopping by the collapsed body.

Did he say Kanda-kun? Lavi thought as he followed his mentor. Bookman was already checking the vital signs when he got to his side. Up close, 'Kanda-kun' was even more beautiful that Lavi couldn't help but stare. Was he really a man?

"What are you doing, you idiot! Help me bring him up!" Bookman told him off and Lavi immediately swept Kanda off the floor and carried him up the steps. Kanda's thin frame was so light, Lavi almost felt like he was carrying a child in his arms.

Bookman seemed familiar with the place as he led the way to Kanda's room. They walked through a long hallway lined with rich paintings and identical wooden doors. Bookman's brisk footsteps echoed against the wooden, carpet-less floors. It was so quiet. Lavi wondered when the maid or butler would show themselves to come to their master's aid. No one did, even after they had stopped in front of an open door and they all entered quickly. Lavi gently placed Kanda on the four poster bed only to find the said person glaring at him with cold, dark blue eyes. Kanda said something he didn't quite catch and then he was sure that Kanda was in fact, a guy.

"What?" he asked.

"Who is this moron?" Kanda asked, turning to Bookman. "I don't want him here. Make him leave."

"It's fine, Master Kanda. This is Dr. Lavi, my apprentice," Bookman said. Kanda still looked unconvinced and went on scrutinizing Lavi, but Bookman suddenly added, "Have you been drinking the drug I gave you in the right dosage?"

"Yes," Kanda answered, finally taking his eyes off the redhead. "But it's not working anymore. I haven't slept longer than five minutes for almost three weeks. I feel so tired…"

Lavi stared at the pale face and let his gaze travel down the rest of his body. Kanda was thin, almost fragile looking. He had placed the back of his hand on his eyes as he panted for air. Lavi felt so sorry for him that he could _almost_ let the 'moron' comment slide.

"He has a fever," Bookman told him. "Give him medicine and watch over him. I'll prepare a strong sedative to force sleep."

Lavi nodded and proceeded to fetching the medicine in his bag and filling the glass on Kanda's bedside with water. He gently lifted Kanda's head and placed the medicine to his mouth when suddenly, his patient shook his head and pushed his hand away.

"It's medicine for your fever. You're burning up," Lavi said as he tried again but Kanda resisted.

With a slight hint of annoyance, Lavi grabbed Kanda's chin to pull it down while gently squeezing his mouth open. He forced the medicine inside the mouth of the struggling young man who coughed and gagged but eventually swallowed.

"There. Now that wasn't so bad eh?" Lavi said and immediately released Kanda.

There was a sudden pain on Kanda's arm and he saw Bookman holding a long needle. He glared at the rapidly clouding forms of the two doctors before everything was dark and Kanda knew no more.

* * *

><p>Everything was dark, an imageless mirror of the room's state last night when he had decided to spend the hours out in the balcony to wait for his doctor. Kanda turned to his side, ignoring the slight pain on his head, and saw a bright candle by his bed. A red-headed man with an eye patch was sitting beside the candle, holding up a book under its warm light and it wasn't so dark anymore. Kanda felt himself staring at the other man until his gaze was met by a stunning green eye, and a goofy smile was sent his way.<p>

"How are ya feeling?" the redhead asked, closing his book.

It was only then that Kanda remembered that the man was actually a doctor. He tried to sit up but almost fell back again. Specs of golden light danced in his eyes along with the furniture of his room as dizziness disoriented him. Warm arms were suddenly on his back and arms, steadying him. He looked up to find the green eye watching him with what he interpreted as interest.

"Where is Bookman?" Kanda asked, trying to brush the arms off.

"He went back to the clinic to get a few supplies and fix some things with your lawyer," the other answered, holding Kanda's gaze.

Kanda wondered if his state was messing up with his sense of smell but he was quite sure the scent of paper something else he couldn't put name on were suddenly filling his lungs. He then realized that he had almost fallen if not for the other supporting him. He quickly pushed the young doctor away and struggled to maintain his balance. He succeeded. Although he felt a million times better than he had in weeks, Kanda couldn't help but feel annoyed. And just as he was thinking about it, he caught the doctor's gaze transfixed on him.

"What?" Kanda asked, not bothering to hide his annoyance.

"You did not answer my question. How are ya feeling?"

"I feel better," Kanda admitted not without a hint of irritation. "How long have I been sleeping?"

"About seven hours."

There was silence. Kanda stared at the white sheets of his bed for what felt like hours before deciding to go back to his pillow. He could hear the other walking out of the room but was soon coming back in. He did not look but he could tell that the other had brought him food by the sound of plates, utensils, and the smell of soup and bread.

"Eat," he told Kanda as he laid the tray down on the bedside table.

When Kanda made no move to get up, he suddenly felt a weight at the edge of his bed where the mattress dipped.

"You don't remember my name, do you?"

Kanda acted as though he did not hear but he pondered the question inside his head. No, he didn't remember this idiot's name.

"I'm Lavi. I'm a doctor. You're Yu, right?"

At the mention of his given name, Kanda snapped a glare at the doctor who had apparently sat on his bed. To his greater irritation, the idiot was actually i_smiling_/i at him. He didn't care if he was a doctor or a king. He had absolutely no right to address Kanda that way.

"Kanda," he snapped at him.

"Oh right, I almost forgot about your culture's strict adherence to rules of social engagement in accordance to the intimacy level between the two parties involved."

"What?"

"Your given name," Lavi began as he scooted a little closer in order to face Kanda properly, "I can't use it because we just met."

Kanda stared at him for a long time. "Get off my bed."

Lavi's eye widen, as if just realizing how he had been talking about intimacy and such when he was actually sharing, however little space, Kanda's bed. He quickly stood up with a sheepish look on his face, muttering several apologies that were left unanswered. "I'm just making small talk. You seem… tensed. Bookman left ya under my care so," Lavi drifted off.

Kanda ignored him then covered his eyes with the back of his arm as soon as he was sure that his personal space was restored. Lavi awkwardly retook his seat and opened the book he was reading. He read the same line thrice, not really taking in the words when he suddenly heard the other mutter, almost inaudibly.

"I hate small talk." After a few more moments, Kanda decided to add, "And I think you're too annoying to really be a doctor."

* * *

><p>It took a lot of persuading and great deal more of awkward silences before Kanda was finally eating and Lavi was back to trying reading his book. He eventually gave up.<p>

"Hey, Yu," Lavi began.

"Kanda," Kanda snapped from his soup.

"Right, Kanda, are you really alone in this big mansion?I was looking around the whole place earlier, ya know. Not a soul."

Kanda took his sweet time before grunting what Lavi interpreted as 'yes.' Kanda never liked talking and this man looked like it was all he wanted to do. Why did Bookman choose this airhead to be his apprentice? Yet Kanda was eating the airhead's soup and bread but that was beside the point.

"You should at least get a maid… or a personal nurse," Lavi commented, watching the other eat. "I mean, with your health and all, ya know. I would imagine you know how to cook or you'll be starving, but then your laundry and garden need to be taken care of too."

Kanda flinched at the sudden return of his headache. Hearing someone talk that fast with no pauses seemed to be making him feel ill. The other was now blabbering about 'mansion security' and 'being lonely in such big and empty place' that he didn't seem to notice Kanda's glare.

"Shut up!"

"Wha-?"

Kanda was at a loss, thinking of what he should do to get some silence. He tch-ed in annoyance while glaring at the confused but seemingly amused doctor. "You're too damn loud. Shut up."

Lavi looked a bit startled by the sudden outburst but he quickly recovered, flashing his brightest smile which only further irked the Japanese. Not even the hot meal that the redhead prepared could have spared Lavi from Kanda's wrath however, he did not possess the strength to lash out a deadly assault at the moment.

"Sorry about that. I tend to think aloud sometimes and I can't help but wonder how you are living under the apparent circumstance," Lavi said. "I'll leave you so you can finish your meal if you want," he added before standing up and deciding to leave anyway. It was a pity his patient wasn't feeling talkative.

"Wait"

Lavi paused and slightly turned back to the bed. He raised his eyebrow and beamed at his patient. "Yeah?"

"Well," Kanda began, not quite sure if he should be polite or if he should just demand. "I haven't slept for a really long time and… you got me to sleep. Is it a new drug?"

Lavi paused to let Kanda hang for a few moments before answering. "It is a variation of it, yes, but in a much higher dose."

"Can you give it to me again?"

Lavi decided that he enjoyed being watched by Kanda with that anxious expression so he took his sweet time again before answering. "I know how to prepare it. But no, I won't."

"What?" Kanda asked, clearly annoyed. "In case Bookman didn't tell you, I have a very serious case of sleeping problem. It means I need to sleep!"

At that moment, the look on Lavi's face went from friendly-playful to serious. He swiftly went back to his seat and stared down at Kanda who was slightly taken aback. "We were desperate. You seemed to be deteriorating and we needed you to get some sleep immediately. However, the drug that was used is too powerful and very addicting. It causes hallucinations, headaches, and serious illnesses when taken too often. Now that you've had some rest, I won't risk it again."

"Bookman is my doctor," Kanda said.

"Well he's not here, is he?" Lavi returned. "He left me in charge and my good ol' clinical judgment."

"Tch," Kanda muttered, looking away defeated. He had somehow expected that him getting sleep was something that can never be possible but still, Kanda had hoped that he'd be able to at last. He was so tired. When he was waking up before, it was like breathing air again after being under water for so long.

Lavi could see how much the lack of sleep had been taking toll on the other man's body but what he said was true. He couldn't give that drug again. It would ruin that frail body for sure.

"Gochisosama… deshita," Kanda suddenly said, putting his spoon down.

Lavi nodded and he was back to his cheery mood again. He took the tray from Kanda's lap and walked to the door. Kanda wasn't sure if the other understood but he had other pressing matters at hand. Like the long night ahead, for instance. It was probably several more hours before dawn and he didn't know what to do. Times like this forced Kanda to think of things… things that he didn't understand and made him feel confused, empty, and alone. The prospect of hours of these things did not appeal to him at all.

"Ya know, there are a lot of bodily activities that induce sleep," Lavi cut in Kanda's musings. He had thought that the doctor was gone.

But it wasn't so. Lavi was watching him as Kanda thought grimly of time, how it was like fire that burned him slowly to death. Though Lavi couldn't exactly read what he was thinking, he had a very good idea of it.

"Mostly though, sleep is induced by the feeling of physical exhaustion… like after you've spent your energy doing something draining," Lavi continued, hands supporting the tray of used plates and utensils.

"What? Are you saying I should tire myself out so that I'll fall asleep? You think I'm stupid? You think I haven't tried that before?" Kanda asked irritated. He had done so many things in the past. Running, swimming, doing the house chores, training… he had done them all in the hopes of sending himself to a forced sleep. It never worked of course.

Lavi shrugged. "Maybe you just haven't done anything that _really drained_ your body."

Kanda waited for him to elaborate but the doctor suddenly turned on his heels and left the room, leaving Kanda to wonder if strangling a doctor would be so physically demanding that it would help him sleep.

* * *

><p>It was almost noon the next day when Bookman finally returned to the mansion. Kanda was training in the garden, absolutely not because he was trying to tire himself to sleep, while Lavi was writing something in his charts inside his room. He had been watching Kanda's kendo practice from the window and was just thinking of preparing a simple lunch when he caught sight of Bookman's carriage approaching the gates.<p>

They met the old doctor at front door of the house and found that Bookman was not alone. With him was a young woman with glasses. She was nervously clutching a small suitcase while watching the floor. Lavi recognized her as one of the servants working at Bookman's house though he never knew her name.

"Hello there," Lavi greeted in an attempt to put the girl at ease.

However, she flinched and furiously and hid her face under her dark brown locks.

"This is Alice. She will be working here as a servant," Bookman said.

"What?" Kanda asked looking confused and angry. At this, Alice shrank under Bookman's small shadow as tried to make herself look as insignificant as possible.

"As ordered by General Tiedoll," Bookman cut in Kanda's rage. "And I completely agree with him."

Lavi learned quickly that "tch" was the word Kanda used to express getting pissed off. When he heard Kanda make the sound, he knew the other's mood would be fouler than usual and he mentally sighed. He did not understand what was going on. General Tiedoll couldn't be Kanda's lawyer, could he?

"Alice, this is master Kanda, General Tiedoll's godson, and I'm sure you know my apprentice, Dr. Lavi," Bookman introduced, ignoring Kanda's death glare.

"Yo," Lavi said cheerily. Kanda just stared at her.

"Ni—Nice meeting you sirs!" she stammered.

"Go to the kitchen and fix some lunch. Master Kanda likes soba but some other food might be good for his health," Bookman told her.

"L-Leave it ttto me!" she announced before taking her leave, clearly glad to be finally away from Kanda's scrutiny and unsheathed katana.

"This is bullshit," Kanda muttered before storming off, waving his blade dangerously in all directions.

Lavi watched him turn to a corner before blurting out, "What was that about?"

Bookman sighed. "The boy had been living with a servant, Tom, about six months ago. Apparently, Tom left suddenly because he couldn't stand Kanda's attitude. We only found out yesterday when we saw him at the market. The general was vey furious."

"Who is General Tiedoll?" Lavi asked although he already knew that he was Kanda's godfather.

"He is General Kanda close friend and left Yu to his care before he went back to Japan. General Tiedoll is a very busy man but he cares for the boy deeply and visits him whenever he can."

"Yu can be unpleasant but I don't think he's that bad. I doubt Alice-chan would last though… If this Tom guy didn't. Poor girl looked ready to die when she saw Kanda's katana," Lavi said.

"It's General Tiedoll's idea to get a female servant."

"What?" Lavi asked.

"He knows the boy quite well. Yu has been raised a swordsman see? By the bushido, he shall not harass the girl," Bookman explained.

Lavi smiled. "General Tiedoll plays dirty. No wonder Kanda is pissed."

"It's for his own good," Bookman said sternly. "With his condition, he can't be living alone like he wants."

"It's what he wants huh…" Lavi muttered thinking why anyone would like to live alone like he had been doing. As beautiful as the mansion was, almost everything was dusty. The supplies in the kitchen were also running low.

"After that last episode he had we can't just leave him. He needs a doctor in this place to constantly monitor his health," Bookman added as he started to walk up the main door.

"Uhuh," Lavi muttered, following his mentor but not really hearing his words.

"I've also brought your belongings. They're still in the carriage so please fetch them yourself. Alice would be busy in the kitchen."

"Wait!"

Lavi stared at Bookman, long and hard. "You're not serious, are you?"

"No, no. It was all a joke you stupid apprentice! I was just playing a practical joke for your amusement."

A shoe came flying towards his way and hit him squarely between the eyes. Lavi groaned in pain, clutching his head and waving his fist at the old man. "What was that for!"

"Being stupid," Bookman told him. "Now get your things and try not to show them to Kanda. He hated Alice here and I doubt he'd like _you _here too."

Lavi grudgingly went to fetch his battered suitcase. Who knows what the old man had packed for him? Not that he had anyone to impress in this place. Alice looked too… innocent. And Kanda was, well, a guy not to mention highly antisocial.

Nevertheless, it wasn't the first time he was being left behind to care for a patient on his own. Lavi was fine with it though he would have greatly appreciated some sort of warning. The only thing he dreaded was how the said highly antisocial guy would take the news.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Yes, I'm back. New story. Very random idea. Unbeta-ed. Please tell me what you think.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own D Gray Man. I don't make any money from writing this. This is for my own personal entertainment… and hopefully of others.

Warning: Yaoi content. Don't like, don't read. I will not say sorry to anyone who might be offended. You've been warned! Also, this is unbeta-ed.

* * *

><p><strong>Insomnia: Chapter 2 (Etiology)<strong>

"No," Kanda said flatly and icily.

Alice visibly flinched from where she stood holding a silver tray and waiting for the off chance that her new master and his guests would need anything else. Not that anyone was paying attention to her. Both Bookman and his apprentice were staring at Kanda with very different expressions, their dinners as neglected as Alice. Bookman had a stern and disapproving look in his face, like he wanted to say something else but was thinking about whether to keep it to himself or not. Beside him was Lavi, face curious and wondering but with a clear hint that he was enjoying himself.

Kanda was the only one on the table who was actually eating. Ever since Bookman decided to drop the news midway their supper, he had kept trying to argue why Kanda needed a doctor living in his house. Kanda initially listened to the old man's words, before outright rejecting the idea.

"That's ridiculous. I'm not dying any time soon," Kanda had announced.

"But your health needs close watching. I would have done it but I have other patients—"

"It's fine. I don't need a doctor. Just leave me some of that stuff that your stupid apprentice gave me last night so I can sleep."

"Yu, I told you—" Lavi interrupted.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to use my—"

"You need a doctor here!"

"… simply impossible. It's too strong and your body have just recovered as well."

"It's Kanda! K-A-N-D-A!"

"Reconsider this Kanda-kun. General Tiedoll specifically requested that a doctor—"

"Yeah, gramps got my clothes packed and everything. My lucky blanket is here too."

That went on for a few minutes and Alice was beginning to wonder if she should do something. The big kitchen and beautiful stove was a joy to work with but she thought if she made mistake taking this job. She had thought of distracting them by bringing out the dessert early but suddenly, the discussion died down. Kanda was eating again while the other two watched him. Bookman would blurt out an argument once in a while before being cut off by Kanda with a 'no.'

So Alice held on to her tray, ready to fetch the sweetest distraction from the oven. Or refill their glasses. Whichever need arises.

"Give it up, gramps," Lavi said suddenly. "I don't think anything you say will change his mind."

Kanda couldn't help but look up from his plate to glace at Lavi. Lavi was staring right back at him with a big grin and apparently unfazed by the glare directed his way. Kanda wanted to wipe off that grin from his face so bad, he felt his hand clench around the fork tightly. Had it been chopsticks, it would have not withstood the pressure.

"Shut your mouth you stupid excuse for a doctor," Bookman snapped, releasing some of the vent up anger he couldn't take out on Kanda. "Mind your own business."

"But it is my business," Lavi argued, finally taking his eye off the infuriated Japanese and turning to Bookman. "I administered the drug, reviewed his chart, watched over him for a whole night without sleep. Kanda is my patient as much he is yours."

That earned Lavi a good hit on his head.

"Don't you get cocky, idiot," Bookman muttered, regaining most of his composure. "In any case, it's not for you or Kanda-kun to decide."

Kanda had been so busy glaring at Lavi that it took some moments before what his doctor said finally sank in. "Of course it is! I decide what's good for me and I say I don't need that idiot in my house."

"Why is everyone having the misconception that I'm an idiot?" Lavi asked no one in particular. He turned to Kanda. "Anyway, you are of age, sleep-deprived but in sound mental condition to make judgments. If you want to kill yourself, that's fine by me. Just sign a document or something to free me and gramps from legal responsibili—"

Alice gasped and dropped her tray with a loud clatter after the sudden 'snap' was heard. Lavi was holding the side of his face in shock, the skin beneath red and stinging. Kanda stopped eating again and was unable to mask the look of pure surprise of seeing Bookman in such a rage. The old man had always been so calm and composed for the most part. Until now.

"How dare you," Bookman growled, "call yourself a doctor!"

Lavi had not moved a muscle. His eye was still wide from shock as he slowly removed his hand from his cheek. Kanda could clearly see where Bookman's hand must have landed on his face. Lavi settled for staring at his palm, looking like he was still processing what had just happened.

"Legal responsibility does not bind us to our patients. We are _ethically_ obligated to treat our patients! As _humans_. Isn't that what I taught you?"

The shock from Lavi's face had completely disappeared to be replaced by a cold, emotionless expression. He straightened his white shirt and noiselessly fixed his tie. He sat up in his full height before bowing his head and saying, "I'm sorry."

Kanda thought Lavi's voice held no remorse at all, just a cold and empty apology. Whether or not Bookman thought the same, he did not show it. He stared at Lavi for a very brief moment before closing his eyes and breathing deeply. Still, Kanda caught the impression that the old man wasn't angry anymore. It almost seemed as if he was actually _pitying_ the younger doctor.

"Pie!"

The men around the big table all turned their attention to Alice who was suddenly beside them, holding out a big plate with the said pie. Her smile was big and confused as she encouraged everyone to hold out their plates.

To Kanda's surprise, Bookman held out his to receive a slice. Lavi shortly followed suite, even muttering a 'thanks' to the poor maid.

"M-Master," Alice said softly, turning to Kanda for his slice.

"I hate sweets," Kanda said simply.

Alice furiously blushed at being addressed by Kanda without the harsh tone she had been receiving since she came. Kanda watched her nod her head vigorously to show that she understood before walking back to the kitchen and leaving the table in silence.

"I will leave first thing tomorrow. Write a weekly report to me and address it to the town hospital," Bookman said suddenly, not looking at anyone.

Lavi nodded. The rest of dinner was spent in silence.

* * *

><p>True to his word, Kanda saw Bookman's carriage leave the mansion gates right after dawn. Lavi had been outside to see him off but the old man looked like he didn't care much for his presence. Kanda wondered if Bookman was really that offended by Lavi's words that night. For him, it was just another thing that he had found out about the young doctor and he wasn't really offended by Lavi. Lavi was detached, and it seemed like he was being a doctor because he was enjoying the job. It wasn't the same as Bookman's morality principle. It was a little cold but Kanda had asked for it. He didn't mind. Bookman did. What surprised Kanda more was that Bookman actually have that kind of philosophy about treating people.<p>

It wasn't his business anyway, he told himself. What went on with Lavi and Bookman was between them. Kanda could care less. What he did care about was getting to sleep dammit!

The few days after Bookman left, Kanda had been completely restless. He trained, ate, trained, trained, took baths, trained, ate, trained some more… still he couldn't sleep. He'd find himself waking up from a painfully short slumber sometimes, around one in the morning but then he'd spent the rest of the night tossing and turning or wandering the halls. Alice prepared him hot drinks on the first couple of nights, which he rejected of course. It only got worse. After that, Alice had developed some misplaced sense of responsibility to share her master's burden by staying up too. Kanda had no choice but to threaten her with Mugen so that at least he could be alone and not be bothered by being offered tea or extra blankets every five minutes.

To his surprise, Lavi, the talkative person who ran 5000 words per second had mostly locked himself up in his room doing god knows what. Light was streaming from under his door every time Kanda passed by his room but he never bothered to knock or snoop around. Lavi occasionally came out to check up on Kanda, which involved touching his forehead, listening to his stethoscope, asking pointless questions, and writing down notes. None of these helped him fall asleep. Kanda had known he didn't need the damn doctor in his house!

And so came the eighth night. Kanda decided to sit outside the balcony this time to avoid being seen by Alice. The sky was cloudy and starless. The moon was nowhere to be found either. He couldn't see much from where he sat but at least he could feel the cold wind and it somehow calmed it. Anything was better than the confining walls of his dark room.

"You shouldn't be out here. You might catch a cold," a voice that was once heard frequently said.

Kanda didn't move. He didn't even bother responding.

Apparently, the other took his silence as an invitation to join him. Before he knew it, Lavi had leaned on the marble railing where he sat, staring off into the darkness. "Please forget what I said before. I shouldn't have said that."

Kanda knew without asking that he was referring to the one he said during dinner with Bookman. He shrugged lightly. "It doesn't concern me."

Lavi nodded.

"It's too early for the routine crap that you do. Get lost."

Even in the darkness, Kanda knew that the other was smirking. He had just called Lavi's routine check-ups 'crap.'

"Yeah, well, I'm your doctor and I came on a medical mission. To observe my patient while his insomnia kicks in."

"Tch," Kanda said. "If _watching_ my insomnia can make it go away, by all means watch me. If not, get the hell out of my sight."

"Irritable, tactless, and incredibly foul-mouthed for someone of such prominent social stature," Lavi enumerated, nodding to himself and holding out three fingers to Kanda. "I shall have further observation to determine whether it's the insomnia or just your personality."

Kanda's brows twitched. Is this guy for real? He hadn't met anyone who dared say such things about him, ever. Well, at least not to his face, but Lavi didn't seem to have any problem speaking exactly what was on his mind. He found himself glaring at the doctor, hating him for his lack of fear. "Do you have a death wish?"

"Easy now… It was a fair observation. I might have phrased it in a bad way but I _really_ am observing your behavior. It's a part of my job," Lavi told him. "Homicidal tendencies," he muttered as an afterthought.

That was when Lavi felt something really painful in his midsection. "Ow!" he cried and then realized that Kanda had punched him in the gut.

Aside from women and children, Kanda usually had some reservation for doctors, teachers, and the like mainly because of people like Bookman and his sensei in kendo. He had grown to respect them for what they do. Now this particular redheaded freak here, Kanda would have gutted the pathetic excuse for a doctor had Mugen anywhere near his grasp. Too bad it was inside the room.

"Leave me alone. Now," Kanda deadpanned, pointing to the door.

"Ya know," Lavi said suddenly, as if he was thinking of how to phrase his thoughts carefully, "there's something I've been meaning to ask ya but you've never been in a talkative mood till now."

"You think I'm in a talkative mood _now_?"

"It's kind of a sensitive subject ya know. And I admit I'm no psychologist or anything like that but doctors like me do study the effects of emotions and the psyche on the health of our patients."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Kanda said, more annoyed than ever. He's just begging to be murdered, wasn't he?

"I'm gonna start by saying that as a doctor, I uphold confidentiality so anything ya say will be for my ears only," Lavi said seriously. When Kanda did not respond, he sighed, as if he was mustering the patience to explain something so simple. "Ya see, when insomnia doesn't resolve itself after months, it is possible that it is caused by emotional trauma."

"What?"

"So," Lavi said as he suddenly grabbed Kanda's shoulders and looking directly at his eyes as though to prove that he would never lie, "is there anything that happened in the past that could have caused this?"

"Shut up. There's no emotional trauma."

Instead of backing off like what Kanda wanted, Lavi just nodded gravely and gave him a look that said 'poor child.' Kanda tried to pry off his hands but the doctor was unexpectedly strong.

"It's okay, Yu. Did someone hurt you? Perhaps someone close to you?"

Kanda was unnerved by the proximity of Lavi's face to his. Clearly, the doctor had no concept of personal space or respect of it. It was dark and cold, a striking contrast to the warm hands on his shoulders.

"Get the fuck off! There's no fucking emotional trauma!" he said. "You're a crappy doctor if you can't find out what's wrong with me! Don't blame it on some emotional shit that didn't even happen."

"Come on, Yu," Lavi said, walking closer and pointedly ignoring him, "you don't have to hide anything from me. Did your father leaving cause you to feel unloved? Lonely? Was it your mother's passing at such a young age? I'll need the information to help you."

Kanda was distracted as he stepped back, completely missing the fact that Lavi had been digging through his personal experiences and had called him by his given name twice. The warmth and proximity were stirring something inside him, something familiar yet too faint to recall. The sky, trees, and Lavi's face were dancing in front of him. What was happening? He closed his eyes only to open them and focus them on Lavi's face.

"Why did the general leave you, his son?" Lavi asked as he took another step.

He only knew panic at that moment. He kept stepping back, trying to regain some semblance of personal space. He felt too exposed, too vulnerable for some reason, and it distracted him from thinking straight. Why was he being asked these things? He didn't care if his father left him or if he was alone. Why couldn't he sleep? Why is the doctor too close? What is this…

His bare heel had hit something hard and cold and the next thing he knew, his back was flat against the wall. There was nowhere to go. The closeness was too much, _sickening_, suffocating, numbing…

"Kanda?" Lavi muttered. None of his questions were answered. Kanda's shoulders had gone limp while the eyes that met his were unsteady, blank and raging at the same time.

"I… I can't," kanda muttered incoherently, shaking his head but his mind did not clear.

Lavi stayed there, patiently waiting for the other to piece his thought together with words.

"It's been so long," Kanda said. "I don't… _can't_ remember…"

"Remember what?" he asked eagerly.

"… I can't remember… how it feels like," Kanda said again, finally steadying his gaze on Lavi's. "To dream."

Lavi stared at his patient saying nothing. He watched him close his eyes and struggle with himself. He had grabbed on to Lavi's jacket unconsciously and he was fisting its edges now, so tight that his knuckles turned white. Lavi could only watch, half alarmed that he might be losing a patient and half mesmerized by the way the he writhe ever so slightly while his face contorts in between pain and breathing. Lavi didn't know how long he had stood there doing nothing but he snapped out of the trance. Kanda had gone completely limp, falling on the young doctor for support. Lavi caught him with ease.

"Ya forgot how it feels like to dream," he said as he lifted Kanda. "That's a funny thing to say, seeing as you might be dreaming right at this moment."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: This is short but a longer update will soon follow. Thanks to all who read this, especially those who gave reviews. They're very much appreciated and are part of the reason for this update. Also, please give me your theories on the direction of the plot… I have it all set but I want to know if my plan is too obvious. Thanks!<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own D Gray Man. I don't make any money from writing this. Please don't sue. I'm broke.

Warning: Yaoi content. Don't like, don't read. I will not say sorry to anyone who might be offended. You've been warned! Also, this is unbeta-ed.

* * *

><p><strong>Insomnia: Chapter 3 (Desperation and Discoveries)<strong>

All the signs pointed towards nightmare.

Lavi had checked his vital signs and did some more tests just to be sure, but the only conclusion that he could come up with was that his insomniac patient had suddenly experienced a nightmare. Maybe he really was a crappy doctor.

He sighed, pushing away Kanda's comment. What did he know anyway? Lavi had been dubbed a prodigy for earning his degree at such a young age and at the top of his class too. There was not a single case he couldn't solve, not one medical mystery had eluded him. Yet here he was, baffled at how this insomnia case could last for years without apparent trigger or cause. It was becoming too bothersome, a health hazard even.

_Rapid eye movement_. REM. Kanda had to fall in this stage of sleep to be able to dream; a stage that would only be achieved after at least falling asleep for several minutes. Kanda only had barely two minutes at most. He hadn't even entered deep sleep yet. Kanda had been gripping his shirt too, a sign of muscle activity. He was also talking, answering to Lavi's questions. What. The. Hell.

Truthfully, Kanda had been right. Lavi really had no other explanation other than the emotional trauma theory, which was really possible. Considering how Kanda's past had been filled with possible emotional stress, it could really explain everything. His mother dying, his father being barely with him, living in this mansion alone… it all fit. But why was Kanda denying it? Surely, a depressed person would want to vent some of it, no matter how antisocial he was. Was he even conscious when he had said that? How much of what he said was true?

"_I forgot how it feels like to dream."_

That was something that Lavi thought Kanda wouldn't say if he was lucid. So was he talking to Kanda's subconscious back then? He had read of studies exploring the different levels of consciousness…

The image of Kanda writhing in his grasp and the expression that he wore suddenly flashed in his mind. He couldn't explain why but somehow, it brought unexplainable warmth around the collar and general unease. No wonder he had mistaken him for a girl the first time he saw him. His face was _beautiful_, delicate yet binding. There was a sudden urge to run his fingers on that skin, feel it against his skin. How he regretted not having done it now that the chance had passed.

Lavi caught himself staring at the palm of his hands and he shook his head vigorously. Again, What. The. Hell.

"Dr. Lavi?"

He turned to the door and saw Alice standing in the hallway. "Yes?"

"I've brought tea," she said motioning to the trolley behind her. "Is everything alright?"

Lavi smiled brightly at her. She must have seen his little episode. "Everything's fine. Please come in."

She looked like she doubted his words but she entered nonetheless. The silver teapot and the china were laid carefully on his small table. Alice had also brought a plate of assorted cookies and pastries which she set down in the center with a proud smile.

"These look great. Thanks," lavi told her and he sat down.

Alice nodded happily. "Please enjoy."

Lavi started to put some sugar in his tea. "How is Kanda?"

"Still asleep," she said. "It had been two hours, sir. Are you sure he's fine?"

"Yes, he's merely sleeping," Lavi said confidently before taking a sip from his cup. What Kanda was dreaming about, he couldn't tell though.

"That's great!" Alice remarked. "Master had been looking paler than usual and he barely touches his food."

Lavi smiled at her. She looked genuinely happy for Kanda. "Some sleep would do him good. Don't ya worry."

She nodded. "I hope it continues. If you don't mind me asking good doctor sir, what did you do to help him go to sleep?"

Lavi stared at her, vaguely thinking. What _had_ triggered Kanda to sleep?

"Not that it's my business of course!" Alice added hastily, interpreting his silence as annoyance. "I mean, all I have to know is that he's okay and—that"

"No, no. It's fine that you asked," he said and she relaxed. "But I couldn't really answer your question. He just suddenly fell asleep."

"Just… fell asleep?" Alice repeated uncertainly before smiling. "I always see him pacing the halls in ungodly hours. I can't believe he just suddenly… not that I don't believe you sir, I just mean that it's very surprising."

"I know what you meant," Lavi clarified still thinking of the event earlier, now with a clear and more analytical mind.

Maybe Kanda's body had just shut down on its own because of exhaustion; it just gave out. Or was it something he did? Did the things he told Kanda stressed him to the point of shutting down? The other could be saying that he didn't care if he was alone but Lavi couldn't know for sure. He knew nothing about Kanda.

"My mother worked here before," Alice said suddenly, her tone happy and reminiscing.

"Oh," he said surprised, "where is she now?"

"She died two winters ago," she told him.

"I'm sorry," he said automatically.

Alice shook her head. "It's alright. She had been sick for a long time. We knew she was going soon," she said with an air of resignation. "She loved this house though. She served here for years."

"Please tell me more about it," Lavi encouraged her before starting on the snack.

"Sure!" she said happily. He could tell that she had been itching to tell him this. "My mother started to work for the general and his wife way back before Lady Kanda was pregnant and they were still living in London. I was there too, around seven years old when he was finally born. They moved here a year after."

"Seven?" Lavi asked, unable to mask his surprise and almost spilling the half-chewed cookie. "But that means you're… twenty-seven years old now! You're older than me!"

"What? You thought I was younger?" she asked laughing.

"I thought you were a _teenager_. You look really young," Lavi said amazed. He had really wanted to say '_minor.'_

"Thank you sir," Alice said. "But it's true. I was here to help mother with little things like fetching flowers in the garden and washing the napkins. Kanda was such a cute kid when he was born, he looked so much like his mother! I saw him as my baby brother back then too, but I doubt he could remember. It was a very long time ago."

"What was Kanda's mother like?" Lavi asked curiously, quietly imagining what Kanda must have looked like as a little boy.

"She was very pretty and very nice too," Alice said. "She was warm to everyone, even to us servants. She was loved by all. I don't remember a single person who did not cry that day when she died."

"I heard she died from an unknown sickness that nobody can cure," Lavi said.

"It was a tragedy," she said with a nod. "One of the very few unpleasant memories I have here. Maybe that's why I still remember it. Everyone talked about it. Sometimes, me and the other former servants of this mansion still talk about it. It really was horrible."

"Did the general change after that?" Lavi probed.

"Very much," she replied. "He barely slept and ate. He lost his smile and would always keep to himself that we were worried he was going to snap, you know. Thankfully, he did not. Though it was probably an entire month before he was able to look at his son again."

"Really?" he asked interested.

"He was never the same after my lady died," she said sadly. "And I think I understand. Still, it affected the young master. He had lost his mother and it was like he lost his father too. He ordered us to take down all the pictures of my lady and store them up in the attic. I think it pained him to see her but not be able to hold her. He grew distant each day until he finally decided to leave. I think he had been meaning to do it too, once the young master was old enough to care for himself."

Lavi nodded. His theory was looking more accurate by the second. It really was trauma. One thing didn't fit though. Kanda had been young when he lost both his parents and the insomnia didn't start until he was seventeen years old. There was a lag of twelve years before the onset of insomnia but that might have been explained by Kanda's emotional maturity. Kanda could not have comprehended what happened when he was younger and slowly, as he grew up, he realized how things were and started to be emotionally distressed. Lavi would have to spend some more time with Kanda to confirm this.

"Do you remember what his mother's sickness was like? I mean, if she was in pain or was having difficulty breathing?"

Alice paused, thinking hard. "I remember my mother always asking me to get flowers for her bedside and picking fresh fruits in the orchard. Poor Madame was so pale and always asleep see? And she had no appetite whenever she woke up. She had no strength at all, even to sit up without someone supporting her. It was my mother who had always helped her."

Weak, no appetite, pale. Sounds like someone Lavi knew except for the part that she was always asleep.

"She was strange too," Alice said. "She kept saying that she loved the young master and that she would protect him with her life but she almost never talk to him when he visited her room. Before she was bed-ridden, she would visit the wood alone and come back all dirty and tired. We never thought much about it. She said she was just collecting some herbs and with her sweet face, how could we not believe her? After she died, some believed that she might have gone mad back then."

"I see," Lavi muttered. He would have to ask Bookman about this the next time he had a chance.

There was a loud thud from the direction of the door and both of them turned. Lavi's first thought was on Kanda whose room was just across the hallway from his. Without words, they stood and rushed to his room.

* * *

><p>It was dark but he could make out a familiar faint light. The first thing that Kanda saw was the ceiling but he immediately noticed the sharp pain radiating from his back. His arms were stretched out in the air, like he shielding his face from something. They were shaking too, and it took a moment for him to realize that his whole body was.<p>

"Yu?"

Kanda saw the doctor enter his room, followed closely by Alice. They looked worried as they rushed to his side. Had he fallen asleep?

"Yu," Lavi muttered beside him as he helped him sit up. "Are you okay?"

"Did you have a nightmare?" Alice asked meekly.

He did fall asleep. "No, I… don't remember," he said as he sat up and weakly pushed Lavi away. "How long was I out this time?"

"Not very long. Just two hours," said Lavi. "What were you doing on the floor?"

"I don't know," he answered. "My back is aching so I guess I fell. How did I fall asleep? What happened to me?"

"What is the last thing you remember?" Lavi asked in return.

Kanda was irritated that the doctor was answering him with questions. "I was at the balcony, you were there… that's it. Now fill me in!"

"We were talking out in the balcony when you fell asleep. I brought you here. Do you remember what the last thing you told me was?"

Kanda frowned in annoyance but made an effort to recall what happened nonetheless. "I told you to get out."

"Yes, and I said I was there to observe you and then—" Lavi said but he was cut off.

"Then you asked me things… and you were too close…and," Kanda muttered more to himself than to anyone else. Now he remembered. That feeling of being trapped, the panic, the closeness… It was all coming back.

"Young master?" Alice muttered scared.

"Can you leave us for a moment, Alice?" Lavi said.

"O-Okay. I'll go pr-prepare something warm," she wearily said, anxious to make herself useful. She gave one last worried look at them before bowing and exiting the room.

"Talk to me," Lavi told Kanda urgently.

Kanda had been motionless, staring at the floor with wide eyes and not hearing anything. "Get away."

"What?" Lavi asked confused.

"I said get away!" Kanda snapped, finally looking at Lavi. He was shaking again, fists clutched tightly as if to stop them from holding himself.

"What is wrong? Tell me," Lavi said desperately. "What is going on?"

"I don't know," Kanda told him. He didn't how to explain something he didn't understand. All that was clear was that he wanted to be alone. He wasn't going to trouble himself for a nuisance that called himself a doctor. Kanda stood and swiftly reached for his katana. He unsheathed Mugen in one swift motion. "I won't say it again," he told Lavi seriously.

Lavi's eye was wide but not with fear and Kanda was once again irked by the lack of it in that green eye. "Okay. I'll leave," Lavi told him calmly.

Lavi made for the door and opened it. He looked back to find Kanda watching him like hawk. "I'll come back after the sun rises," Lavi said and with that, he was gone too.

* * *

><p>An hour after he was left alone, Kanda was beginning to think that maybe, it wasn't a good idea. The silence was even more confining than the presence of the annoying doctor, and it was driving him to think of nothing but that strange, sickly feeling he had. What was it anyway?<p>

He wasn't afraid of anyone, least of all Lavi. So what caused that reaction from him? Kanda closed his eyes and he was almost there again, out in the balcony freaking out at nothing. It disgusted him to think that he had acted that way but he knew he wouldn't have helped himself even if he had known. The fear had been real and it gripped him. It made him so angry.

He had been telling the truth when he said there was no emotional trauma. Sure, his father left but Kanda had understood. His father's duties were well beyond that of a father. He had been alone for a long time but it was something he preferred. This, his parents knew even when he was younger. He disliked socializing. For him, peace is gained through keeping your nose out of others' business, not sticking into them and pretending you like the stink.

"Tch," Kanda muttered angrily. Thinking about his feelings wasn't something he did and it pissed him that he was being forced to do so.

Tired, confused, and maybe a bit scared. Kanda wished to slip from consciousness now more than ever. He wanted everything to stop. It was driving him insane.

Unable to keep himself calm, Kanda sat up from his pillow and stared at the clock on his bedside table. Only thirty minutes had passed since he last looked but it felt like _years._ He yearned for the night to end so that being awake would seem more natural. Even though the line between his days and nights had blurred and almost melded into one, he found comfort still to see the rising sun.

Why did he have to suffer like this?

Suddenly, an idea struck him. A sly grin slowly made its way on his lips. Why hadn't he thought about it before?

* * *

><p>Bookman had packed all the necessities he could ever need, even his vials and extra gauze rolls, he noticed. Lavi was musing in his room again about his current case when he caught sight of the big bag his mentor had packed for him. He hadn't had the chance to go through the contents until now as his mind had been occupied lately by the case.<p>

He sighed, pausing when he caught sight of his reflection from the dresser's mirror. Dark rings had started to form around his eye and his face was two shades paler than usual. The only thing that hadn't changed was the way his hair was standing in all directions. He smirked and started combing through the red mess with his fingers.

This wasn't the first challenging case he had handled. Lavi was no stranger in working throughout the night without sleep but somehow, this particular case was taking a toll on him. He had been here for a little more than a week but he could already feel the stress and mental exhaustion. He still had no answer as to why his patient couldn't sleep and having to deal with sudden emotional outbursts didn't help. Lavi was not used to being at the receiving end of such… dislike. People usually tended to gravitate towards him and he normally didn't have any problems getting along with anyone. Kanda's attitude stuck out like an annoying, stubborn hair on his head.

Lavi had grown tensed too. A night out to the nearest pub might do him some good. Maybe a hint of alcohol would relieve him. He might even get laid if he's lucky. No, he was confident he'd get laid if he wanted.

"Oy," Kanda muttered as he suddenly entered the room.

Lavi groaned. Speak of the devil. "Yu, what a _pleasant_ surprise."

"It's Kanda," Kanda immediately told him.

Lavi rolled his eyes. "Whatever did I do to earn the pleasure of your company?"

Kanda glared at him. "Tch. You are not going to tell anyone about this."

Lavi frowned in confusion as Kanda locked the door behind him. He did not miss the fact that his patient's arm was behind his back. He took a moment to observe the loose ponytail of his hair and the state of his white kimono. Both were a little disheveled and his eyes had the same dark circles Lavi had. Nonetheless, his eyes seemed determined and hard. Lavi thought something was amiss.

"About what?" he asked as Kanda took slow steps towards him.

"You are going to help me sleep," Kanda told him as he brought his hands forward to reveal a gleaming tanto, "or you're dead."

Lavi's jaw dropped. "Have you gone insane?"

"Shut up," Kanda ordered. "I've had enough of your nonsense. Prepare the drug or I'll show you pain."

Lavi stared at the blade. His patient had become obviously desperate. The initial shock of seeing the weapon was quickly wearing off and Lavi regained his composure. "I don't think you're in any position to threaten me, seeing as you cannot overpower me with the state you're in," he said calmly.

Kanda sneered at him. "Don't underestimate me. I'm a trained fighter, _doctor_. Not some lazy ass academician."

Lavi couldn't help but smirk. "Alright. Would you let me get my things there then?" he asked pointing to the small cupboard and the bag on the table behind Kanda.

Lavi's expression and calmness irritated Kanda to no end. "Don't you dare try anything or I swear!" he snapped in irritation.

"No funny business," Lavi told him, raising his arms as if to prove the point.

"Get to work," Kanda said as he swiftly walked to the door and resting his back against it while he watched Lavi. He wasn't going to take any chances. "Move it!"

Lavi proceeded to take out vials and bottles on the table without a word. Kanda couldn't almost believe it. He had expected some resistance at least, with the way the doctor was calm and collected like he was still in control. As if. Kanda would beat the living daylights out of him if it came to that. However, the annoyance was grinding his self-control into nothingness whenever he saw that confidence and lack of fear. But he wouldn't do anything. Sleep was the only thing on his head right then. What he wouldn't give to feel that slip of consciousness again…

"You do remember the side effects of this drug, don't you?" Lavi asked as he worked, not even looking at him.

"You just can't keep your mouth shut, can you?" Kanda snarled.

"Headaches, weakness, hallucinations," Lavi told him, ignoring his comment while he measured and mixed powders. "Addiction?"

"I don't care," Kanda muttered, tightening his hold on the tanto and watching the warm glow of the candle in Lavi's room reflect against the cold blade. "I just want to sleep."

"Suppose you did fall asleep," Lavi continued, "what makes you think that I won't retaliate? Excuse my language but you are starting to annoy the hell out of me. Had it not occurred to you that you'd then be powerless if I decide to teach you a lesson?"

It was Kanda's turn to smirk. "You wouldn't hurt a fucking fly."

Lavi paused to spare him a glance before dismissing him with a shrug. He muttered something Kanda didn't catch before proceeding to light a small burner and setting up some small metal rods and plates over it.

Kanda remained silent. Nothing that would come out of the other's mouth would do him any good. He wished he would just go faster. The thought of sleep was eating him alive.

A few moments more, Lavi was holding out a piece of paper folded in half. "Inside is the sedative that would knock ya out. Strong but I limited the dosage so it might take a little while to take effect. Here ya go," he told Kanda, extending his arm to him.

Kanda looked apprehensively at the other before taking a couple of steps forward. He kept the tanto directed at the doctor while he reached out for the paper in anticipation. It was almost touching his fingers when Lavi suddenly grabbed the hand holding the weapon and twisted it painfully. Kanda had been expecting something like this but he realized his guard had been low too late.

He gasped in pain as his hip collided with the edge of the table when the other attempted t o maneuver him into facing the table and shoving him face down on the surface. Kanda had been ready though. He used his free hand to land a hit on the side of Lavi's face which disoriented the other. Kanda took this chance to free himself and lunged at the piece of paper Lavi was still holding. Lavi took him by surprise by catching his wrist perfectly and grabbing the other wrist in one swift movement.

"Tch," Kanda hissed as his back collided with the edge of the table when Lavi forcefully shoved him down.

Bottles, vials, and metal rods fell on the floor, shattering and making a loud clutter. He managed to shut his eyes to prepare for the impact, the tanto still in his hand but useless. Kanda's head hit the wood with a dull thud and he felt like his brain was spinning for a split second. When he opened his eyes, Lavi was above him, pinning his arms to the table with great force.

"Let go of the weapon," Lavi almost whispered.

"G-Get off," Kanda snapped.

Lavi's face was serious again as he tightened the grip on the hand holding the tanto, squeezing it to prevent blood flow. Kanda tried to hold on but it was in vain. It didn't take long before his fingers lost their strength and the tanto fell harmlessly to the side with a clutter.

"You are the one underestimating me, Yu," Lavi said with an unreadable face, "I'm an academician, yes, but I'm no lazy ass."

"Jujitsu. Impressive," Kanda said sullenly before attempting to throw the other off and failing.

"I wish ya would give my clinical judgment as much credit as my jujitsu," Lavi told him nonchalantly. "Seeing as how I have judged your body's strength accurately."

Lavi smiled at him leaning a bit lower. Kanda panicked and tried to make himself smaller by impulse. He was suddenly too aware of the proximity again, a feeling that was getting too familiar for his liking. He could feel the strength leaving his arms completely and his breathing suddenly quickened. He tried to use his knee to move Lavi but the strength of his lower extremities had deserted him too.

"Lavi," he managed to breathe out.

The doctor was taken aback by the other's use of his proper name. "Yu?"

Kanda's eyes started to become unfocused, his head jerking from side to side before settling towards his face with an apparent struggle. It was exactly like what happened in the balcony before, only this time, Kanda looked a little more in control.

"It's happening again, isn't it?" Lavi asked.

Kanda nodded. "I think I'm… slipping… fast."

The thin arms in his hands had gone limp again but Lavi did not move. He watched as Kanda slipped into unconsciousness before getting off. His patient's body started to slide down the table without him pinning it down and he quickly caught him again.

Was it him, or did Kanda just fall asleep because of his touch?

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Science, poetic license, and fiction are all melded in the making of this random plot. Don't believe a word of it. XD Your reviews are great so please keep them coming. The next chapter is already half done so if you'd like to read it, let me know. They're very much appreciated! :) And share your theories!<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own D Gray Man. I don't make any money from writing this. Please don't sue. I'm broke.

Warning: Yaoi content. Don't like, don't read. I will not say sorry to anyone who might be offended. You've been warned! Also, this is unbeta-ed.

**Insomnia: Chapter 4 (Hypothesis Testing)**

_He remembered this place. The walls, the floors, the furniture, even the air was familiar. The scene was a permanent picture at the back of his head, one that he knew he had always seen before but somehow forgotten. There was his father, clad in his neat uniform, sitting by the fire of the mansion's living room while a woman, pale and had straight black hair sat in front of a grand piano with her back on Kanda. Music filled the room, echoing throughout the halls as graceful fingers work the ivory. _

_Kanda reached out, wanting to be a part of the picture but a hand was suddenly clutching his shoulder. Farther and farther away, he watched in horror as the scene grew distant and the music faded. The scene did not go, he was dragged out of it. He shouted but his father couldn't hear. He struggled to break free, or at least get a glimpse of his captor but he saw nothing but the back of human form, tall and hazy._

"_Mother!" Kanda finally screamed._

_The woman suddenly stopped playing and turned to face him. Most of her face was shadowed by her hair but her deathly pale face and the dripping blood from her head were vivid._

"_I will curse you," she said, her voice cold and low._

_A sudden pain in his left breast suddenly burned his nerves and he cried out in pain, clutching the area as if afraid that it would explode. The sensation was creeping to his shoulder and back like spider veins. He lost his mind to the pain._

_Kanda was dragged by his captor around the corner and he was all alone. The sickening feel of cold hands was on his bare shoulders before everything went black._

Familiarity. It was the feeling that first crept into him before anything else, overwhelming him in his consciousness. Never before had the feeling of familiarity tortured him so, the feeling of somehow knowing yet not completely… like trying to catch water or hold on to a slipping memory. What did he find so familiar? The dream had been so vivid to Kanda that he could remember it completely, yet it was also so vague, blurred at the edges so his vision wouldn't be complete.

Kanda sat on his bed, wide awake, staring at the sheets. He yearned to sleep but after having just done so, he felt like it also tired him as if he were awake. It was terrifying.

* * *

><p>Despite the bright sun shining in the afternoon sky outside, Lavi's spirits were low. He was pacing in the library, a room that eventually became his territory in the mansion as he thought of Kanda's case over and over again.<p>

It was insomnia. A case like this shouldn't have lasted a day to solve. Lack of sleep was addressed by narcotics. You give high dosage for severe cases but eventually, it would go away. It always did. Insomnia wasn't supposed to cause sudden loss of consciousness without following the sleep cycle or induce other ailments. It _was_ insomnia.

But when had an insomniac fallen asleep because someone _touched_ him? Looking back, Lavi wasn't even sure what happened anymore. Kanda had lost consciousness while he was pinning him down on the table, just like the other time. There was no way he could make that conclusion right now. It was just two instances and it offered no scientific explanation. Kanda could just be tired too, but to lose consciousness because of it? He was sure the struggle that happened didn't demand such great energy.

Lavi continued to pace, twirling a wooden cane in his hand. He was missing something, a big piece of the picture. Or maybe this illness was just beyond him. No matter how clever he was, Lavi was well aware of the limitations of the known knowledge in the field of medicine. There was so much to know, so much to discover, and maybe, this particular case would be over before he knew the answer.

Over? No, Lavi refused to think that. He had not given up on a case before and he wasn't going to start now. He thought of Kanda and how he spent every waking hour wishing he was asleep. Lavi could only imagine the torture. The brain needed time to shut down and process all the information at night when a person slept. It kept people sane. Kanda was no doubt at the edge of it and Lavi refused the idea even more.

But there is a first time for everything. Even the young genius doctor would have to give up someday. The thought scared him and he told himself that his ego would not be able to take it because maybe, just maybe, he wanted to find the answer not only to rub his ego.

"_Legal responsibility does not bind us to our patients. We are ethically obligated to treat our patients! As humans. Isn't that what I taught you?"_

Bookman's words echoed in his head. He admired the older doctor for his brilliance and dedication to the field so he chose him as his mentor. He had spent years learning from him, but Lavi had not quite understood his mentor's sense of moral responsibility to the patients. Even back in his younger days, Lavi had not shed a tear for the dying. He knew no family so he had no idea what it would feel like to lose one. His patients were his clients, nothing more. Humans were all to die anyway. Bookman can teach him how to diagnose and treat but he can never teach him to _care._

He remembered the time when Bookman first talked to him. It was an interview of some sort, only, Lavi, still a student back then, was drinking on the bar while his future mentor stood rigidly behind him with unbelieving eyes. Lavi was laughing at a terrible joke the bartender had cracked when Bookman managed to track him down. He can't remember what the joke was exactly but to this day, he was sure it was bad.

"So this is the kind of person who topped my exam," Bookman muttered and eying the at least half a dozen empty bottles in front of Lavi. "Insolent _and _a drunkard."

Lavi snorted. He turned on his stool to look at the doctor. "Ya have to admit that it was quite accurate. I've never seen one in real life but the _Ailuropoda melanoleuca_ in books looks exactly like you! Though, I'd have to go to China and see fer myself…"

Bookman narrowed his eyes, seeing a glimpse of what he was getting himself into by taking in the youth under his mentorship. "And you thought you'd share your observation by drawing one on your answer sheet?"

Lavi laughed again. "I had time to kill. Yer test was _boring_."

Bookman sighed. This won't do at all. He retrieved a single needle under his coat. Even if one had watched, Bookman's arms were swift as he accurately hit a nerve at the side of Lavi's neck. And Lavi wasn't watching. In a split second, Lavi was emptying the contents of his stomach all over the bar. When his gut tugged painfully at being emptied so rapidly, the vomiting stopped. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and glared at the old doctor.

"WHAT THE HELL?"

Bookman smirked in satisfaction. "You passed my boring apprenticeship exam. I don't need a drunken reply so I had to get the alcohol out of your system. Now do you accept?"

Lavi's face went from furious to unsure, to happy. "Yeah, sure!"

Bookman never beat around the bush. He had always hated wasting time.

"Then get off that bar. We have a patient," Bookman told him, walking out of the pub.

Lavi hastily followed him. "That was cool! I didn't know you're an acupuncturist. Current studies still do not strongly support its effectiveness but I guess you just have to mind your aim!"

Bookman didn't know if he was happy or concerned about the comment but he decided to ignore it at the moment. Drunk or not, he would have accepted Lavi. Later on, Lavi would find out that the examination he passed with an impressive perfect mark was penned by Bookman for practicing physicians specializing in the study of the nervous system, an examination only three out of the dozens who took it passed.

"Doctor"

Lavi was a bit startled as he turned to the door to see Alice standing at the doorway. "Alice"

"I'm sorry. Did I disturb you sir?" she asked anxiously.

Lavi shook his head. "No I was just thinking about… things," he said, "but it's fine. What is it?"

Alice looked relieved. "I just thought you might want to know that the young master has woken up."

"I see," Lavi said as he resumed pacing. It was barely an hour and a half this time. For some reason, Lavi felt like he was seeing a pattern.

"Umm…"

Lavi looked up to find Alice still standing in the doorway. "Was there anything else?"

"No sir, but," Alice said unsure. She hesitated and then glanced at the hallways behind her. She then stepped in the library. "I wish to tell you something, sir. I'm not very sure it's important but it would ease my mind if you'd listen."

Lavi looked at her curiously. "What is it about?"

"I was young at the time but I remember some of it still. My mother also used to share things to me," she began. "It's about my lady."

"Yu-chan's mother," Lavi muttered and she nodded.

"The other workers thought she was losing her mind but they don't know. My mother was with her all the time and she said my lady was not crazy… and that she's well learned in witchcraft," she said, her face and voice frightened.

Lavi frowned. "Witchcraft?"

"Yes," she said. "Mother told me that my lady used to summon spirits into the house for good fortune and bring the general luck in battle. She was always worried whenever the master leaves for war so she'd do that. It was a secret but my mother said she found out. She saw it with her own eyes."

"How?" he asked skeptical.

"My lady was quite a powerful witch. It was said that the land on which this mansion stood used to be a dwelling place for evil spirits where a lot of war prisoners were killed, but she drove them away. One of the more powerful spirits refused to go so he fought her until it was beaten down by my lady," Alice said. Her voice was certain and convinced.

Lavi blinked. All the things he was hearing were against all the things he had come to know. He was a man of science and did not believe in spirits and witches. She looked like she sensed his doubts. It must have been the reason why she was so reluctant to tell him in the first place.

"I know it must be hard to believe but you must at least hear me," Alice said desperately. "My lady came from an affluent family of our town before the general married her. We people of small towns live in harmony with these beings but I also didn't believe that the story was true… until I saw the young master's sufferings with my own eyes."

"What does Yu's insomnia have to do with his mother being a witch?" Lavi asked.

"It was that spirit I was talking about," she said. "As the spirit was too strong, my lady couldn't kill it so she made a powerful binding spell. The spirit was to serve her and do her biddings until she died. But the price was high. In exchange for every task the spirit did, it would take something of my lady's in return. To prevent the spirit from causing further harm, she agreed, thinking that she would never need the spirits help."

"Let me guess," Lavi said. "She was wrong and ordered the spirit something for her."

Alice nodded. "It was around the time when the young master was three or four years old. The general was in Japan to command its war fleet when hundreds of pirate ships ambushed them. My lady knew immediately that the master's life was in danger and the spirit appeared to her to tempt her into ordering it. My lady did everything she could to resist but her husband's fate was beyond her craft. She had felt his life fading and that's what drove her to finally use the spirit."

Lavi's hands went cold for some reason. "What did the spirit take?"

"My mother said that the spirit agreed in exchange for her life force," she told him sadly, almost in tears. "My mother had warned her about how treacherous such spirits can be but her need drove her to desperation. Month after month her health deteriorated and they knew the spirit was taking her life with the goal of regaining its freedom after she dies."

"How did Yu fit into any of this?" Lavi asked.

"My mother and my lady knew the spirit was going to triumph soon and it would get revenge by killing the general. She cannot let it free. With the last of her strength she casted one last spell to bind it in this house and strip it from all its powers," she said. "But my mother knew her strength was waning. It wasn't enough. She needed more life force…"

"Don't tell me," Lavi started but she cut him off with a shaky nod. "How can that be? Didn't she love Yu?"

Alice was crying now, unable to give any response. Lavi remembered seeing the only portrait painting of a beautiful woman with long black hair just like Kanda, hanging on the wall at the end of the hallway of the west wing. Her face was fair and full of kindness. It was hard to believe that she was the kind of person who'd give up her child.

What was he thinking? He couldn't possibly believe that the reason why Kanda's health was deteriorating was because of some curse a dead woman had placed on Kanda. His eye landed on the sobbing form of the maid. She really believed it.

"You cannot help him now, sir," Alice said as she wiped her tears away. "My lady's curse is unbreakable as it was sealed by her death. Unless you could bring her back, the young master is…"

"Don't," Lavi told her.

She stared at him. "Not even his mother could kill the evil spirit. It's not possible!"

"No one needs to defeat some evil spirit or raise the dead back to life," Lavi said. "I know you believe this story and I respect that, but this witchcraft thing doesn't touch me. The cause is of science and by science I will treat the illness. Believe in my abilities as a doctor."

Alice smiled sadly at him. "Forgive me but… the young master's life is well beyond your books and medicines' reach, Doctor Lavi sir."

Lavi was taken aback by the sincerity and the finality in her tone. It angered him suddenly. "I will not let Kanda die."

Alice nodded but spoke no more. She bowed curtly before taking her leave.

* * *

><p>The following day, Lavi spent his time digging through dusty boxes of portraits, old records, and other things up in the attic. He didn't know what exactly he was looking for or why he was even looking in the first place but after talking to Alice, he knew he wanted to know more about Kanda and his family. As soon as there was enough light, he searched the mansion for Alice, thinking that she could point her to the right direction.<p>

"I want to know more about the family. Do they have a store room or something where they keep records or old pictures and stuff?" he had asked her.

"If you want, I can show you the attic," she said.

She led him up the attic just like he wanted and fetched a lamp to help him in his search. He thanked her and began exploring the boxes and old shelves.

"I'd help you sir but I have to prepare breakfast and bath for the young master," she said.

"It's fine," he told her. He eyed the crowded room and its low ceiling, thinking of where to start.

"You know," she started with a smile, "if you want to know more about a person, the best way is to spend time with them."

Alice did not elaborate but Lavi fully understood. He had thought about it but the idea of trying to chat with Kanda gave him unease. He didn't put more thought into it, hence his current task of digging into the boxes.

A couple of old wooden dressers, wardrobes, chests, and broken grandfather clocks occupied the space. Random things were scattered here and there and Lavi wandered off further into the attic where he finally found the boxes. He found many paintings of Kanda's mother and father inside, dusty but still in very condition. There were also a few family portraits and old blankets along with knitted sweaters. He presumed that those were Kanda's baby clothes made by his mother. Box after box contained these things.

He stood up to stretch before attacking the other boxes. Inside were old and battered books of different languages, and Lavi found himself smiling. It was a pity that such things were hidden up here when they could be displayed in the library. He dusted the covers carefully, appreciating the beautiful leather, golden writings, and even drawings on some of them. He suddenly paused when a big hard-bound book caught his eye, black and bare. It looked older than the others. He blew the dust off before bringing it to the worn-out sofa. He settled on it, carefully placing the heavy book on his lap before turning the cover.

It wasn't a book. Page after page, Lavi observed the many scribbles and rough sketches which seemed to be made in no particular order. Some of the writings were too small, with untidy crossed out words and even full sentences. The illustrations range from different plants, herbs, insects, and constellations to different symbols, transmutation circles, and some others that looked to Lavi like experimental set-ups that were not taught in the university.

"What is this?" he muttered to himself as he continued to turn the pages.

"_Remove roots and stir in before the water boils."_

A drawing of a plant with three blooms that Lavi had never seen was drawn on the left side of the page. The scrawls that followed indicated the number of stirs to be made clockwise and counterclockwise. It seemed that whoever wrote it recorded the findings as he went because there were three numbers crossed before the number '12' was written and underlined.

He decided to put the book/notebook aside and dug more into the boxes. He found some interesting books and broken jewelries but nothing stood out to him anymore than the peculiar book. Hours have passed and when Lavi finally decided to go down from the attic, he realized that he just missed lunch. Feeling hungry, he started to make his way to the kitchen with his discovery under an arm. He couldn't wait to go through all the pages.

"Where have you been?"

Lavi turned to find Kanda standing a few feet from him and his eyes widened. He was wearing a white dress shirt over black pants and high boots. His hands were slightly covered by the ruffles at the edge of his sleeves but the katana that he had always threatened him with was being held there, ever dangerous. Instead of flowing freely or hanging lowly in a loose tie, Kanda's hair was swept up in a tight and neat ponytail.

"Wow," Lavi blurted out. It was the first time he saw the other wearing something else than the white kimono.

Kanda looked annoyed for a moment before saying 'tch' and dismissing the comment. "I asked you a question," he demanded.

Lavi was suddenly very aware of how that collection of long straight hair was moving behind Kanda. "I was just looking around."

"What is that?" Kanda asked, his eyes directed at the book under his arm.

"I don't know but maybe ya could tell me," Lavi said. "Let's a find a table. I'll show it to ya."

He ended up leading Kanda to the kitchen but not without complaints from the other. Alice was so surprised to find them in the kitchen that she initially stood frozen on the spot as the two young men walked in and settled on the long table where she chopped the vegetables. Kanda immediately leafed through the book while Lavi watched him, waiting for his reaction. He sat across him but the inverted images of the book were already burned into his memory.

"What is this?" Kanda asked, sparing him a quick questioning glance before returning to the pages.

"You haven't seen it before?" Lavi said, scooting a little closer forward and almost knocking off a plate of food that he hadn't realized was there. Alice had apparently started to serve him his lunch.

Kanda shook his head. "I wouldn't have asked you if I knew what it is."

"I found it in the attic," he said. "I think it's a… hand-written book on magic or something. It's got all sorts of symbols, plants, and recipes in there," he added uncertainly.

At that, Alice made a sound and they turned to her. She was looking at the book with a worried expression. "It _is_ a magic book, sirs."

Kanda's face turned from curious to sour. "A _magic_ book?"

Alice looked scared but she nodded. Kanda seemed like he was biting his tongue from saying an insult before he just decided to turn his attention back to the book and spare her. Apparently, he and his patient share the same opinion on magic. She opened her mouth to say something but the doctor caught her gaze. Lavi shook his head at Alice who did not understand.

"I think I'll be having bath after I eat. Can you prepare one for me, Alice?" he said.

"Now sir?" she asked uncertainly.

Lavi nodded. "Yes, now."

"But it's t-the middle of the day," she said timidly.

He discreetly pointed towards the door and it took some moments before her eyes widened in understanding. "R-Right," she said before hastily exiting the kitchen.

Lavi didn't think that it was a good idea to let Kanda hear the story of how his mother was a witch who sacrificed him for his father. At least not yet. Control all the stimuli, Lavi reasoned in his mind, and observe the outcomes. Just like an experiment. He didn't need a confounding variable when he had already decided the dependent one.

"If you wanted her to get lost so you can ask me something, you should've just told her," Kanda said before lifting his gaze from the book and directing it at the doctor. "You act like it's okay for your patient to die if he choose it but you bother with too much politeness in social convention. It's irritating."

Kanda's voice rang with annoyance but Lavi could tell he held no particular grudge about him saying that he was fine with Kanda dying. It roused his playful side.

He couldn't help the smirk on his face. "Sorry 'bout that. I just want you to answer some of my questions."

Kanda thought it was all Lavi really did and he was expecting it. He gave no sign of acknowledgement or refusal so Lavi went on. "What do you remember about your mother?"

The hand holding the book suddenly froze while Kanda's eyes widened. "Why are you asking?"

"I've told ya about the theory I have, 'emotional shit' as you called it. I want to know if her passing away or her absence has something to do with your insomnia."

Kanda was silent, casting his eyes on the book. One of his hands had unconsciously reached for the ruffles of his sleeve and he was now fidgeting with it. "I don't remember much about her. She died when I was really young."

Lavi thought Kanda was not aware of what he was doing. "But judging from your reaction, I'd say you remember a lot."

"I was five!" Kanda snapped at him. "You tell me what you were doing when you were fucking five then I might tell you how I lived as a toddler."

"Just tell me," Lavi pressed.

Kanda glared at him. "I only know what she looked like and that's because of the paintings. I don't remember anything."

"Then why were ya so surprised when I asked about her?"

"Tch," Kanda muttered. He hesitated but decided to answer anyway. "Because last night… after I fell asleep, I dreamed about her. I just thought it was weird that you should suddenly inquire about her… after that."

"Can ya tell me about it?" Lavi asked.

"My dream is none of your business!" Kanda said violently.

"If I'm ever going to help you sleep, you have to tell me.'

Kanda laughed mirthlessly. "I don't need to tell you anything."

Lavi suddenly grabbed both of Kanda's hands and the other stiffened. "Then tell me this, does Alice help you dress? Did she give you a hand putting this on?" He asked while eyeing the dress shirt Kanda was wearing.

"What are you doing? Let go of my hands now you bastard!" Kanda said pulling to get free. He didn't know why but he felt like he knew what his so called 'doctor' was trying to do.

"You didn't sleep when she got near you, did ya?" Lavi said more than asked, copying Kanda and fingering the material of his sleeve. "But ya know, I think I've discovered something really fascinating. I want to test it if you would let me."

Kanda stopped struggling but he kept his angry expression. "What did you discover?"

Something in his gut was going crazy while his skin seemed to have gone more sensitive to everything that he was touching. Lavi had no words for the feeling but he decided he was enjoying it. "Come over here and I'll show you."

"Y-You're crazy," Kanda muttered but was unable to make it sound harsh. He was really curious. This fool had actually made a discovery? Three years of insomnia and he's finally going hear some explanation. Hope threatened to spark in him.

Lavi was just watching him calmly, the grip on his hands tight. His green eye was intense though the rest of his body was unmoving.

"Don't you want to find out?" Lavi asked. "Or you're too scared?"

"I'm not scared!" Kanda said and gave another unsuccessful tug. "I should have killed you when I had the chance. I am the master of this damn house so show some fucking respect!"

Kanda was really easy to provoke, Lavi thought. Without warning, Lavi suddenly rose and walked away from the table, roughly dragging Kanda with him that he almost lost balance. He had enough of the other's words.

"What the…" Kanda muttered angrily as his back was shoved against the wall. He placed his hands on the doctor's chest in reflex, pushing but to no avail. Lavi had settled his arms on the wall beside Kanda's head. He was leaning dangerously close, his weight on the palms of his hands.

"Feel something yet?" Lavi breathed.

Kanda averted his eyes, feeling suddenly disconcerted. "Wow doctor, I would never have guessed," he managed to say but it was lacking the much needed aggression in his tone.

Lavi lowered his head a little so that he was the same level as Kanda. "Oh no, I'm not like _that_," he said before holding Kanda's chin and directing his face upwards, "and this is just an experiment."

Kanda refused to meet his gaze, stubbornly looking to the side. He snorted in disbelief. "I don't see how this is a fucking experiment! Get off me!"

Doing exactly the opposite, Lavi stepped closer. He silently thanked the heavens for Kanda's androgyny. It made things so much easier, in fact it felt too easy now. He tilted his head to the side as he slowly closed the gap, letting his lips touch Kanda's slightly parted ones. He caught the sudden hitch in his patient's breath and maybe he was slightly turned on. He pulled back a little to see Kanda's eyes shut. It made him smile. Bookman would skewer him if he ever found out about how Lavi was treating his patient. It was way out of the old man's ethical line. But Lavi had never really practiced ethically anyway, the concept did not exist in his mind. So he leaned in again, with more force and passion this time and he felt Kanda tremble, the hands on his chest closing in tight fists as he gently opened his mouth to take in Kanda's lower lip, languidly moving against unresponsive ones.

Kanda was at a loss, having no idea on what to do. He didn't dare move nor open his eyes. But then there was light and he was no longer in the kitchen…

_He was lying on his side, a hand stroking his cheek. He could feel the hard muscles of the thighs under his head. Who was it? A painful yank at his hair and he was facing up, struggling with the hand gripping his locks. The hand that was caressing his cheeks was now holding him by the chin. Instinct told him to keep his mouth closed and he did, but then a finger forcefully made its way in and he gagged as it slid on his tongue and all the way to the back of his mouth._

_A cold laugh rang in the air before he was being brutally kissed, if one could still call it kissing. He gagged and choked, feeling a tongue shove in his mouth while the finger kept him from closing his jaw. Saliva was trailing down the sides of his lips and he felt sick. He screamed and he choked more. His feet were kicking wildly below him but it did nothing. Tears were running down from his eyes. His arms had given up._

_It seemed forever. He found neither pleasure nor numbness. It was pure horror and he felt every bit of it. He wished with all his being that it would just end._

_And for a moment it did. Kanda panted heavily as soon as his mouth was free, coughing and swallowing violently. He could barely hear the laugh again. That finger was trailing over his lips now but he ignored it. He tried to look up but the man's face was a blur and all that he could make out was wavy golden hair._

"_I like the taste of your mouth."_

_Kanda felt disgusted with the man even more. He tried to get up but the hold on his hair was not released._

"_I would very much like to kiss you more deeply and feel your tongue in my mouth," he said with his voice laced with lust, "but your stubbornness demanded that I do things roughly."_

_Kanda was silent, not knowing what the other was talking about. Yet there was that familiarity again. It didn't give him comfort, instead it only plunged him deeper in panic and despair._

"_Be good now," he heard the other said and he was leaning down again._

_This time, Kanda did not fight. He felt his mouth open to welcome the intrusion while his lips moved against more demanding ones. His scalped burned with pain as he felt the other tug at his hair again while a hand traveled from his chin to his neck, and down his chest…_

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Me and my perverted mind. As you might have guessed, Kanda is 100 percent UKE in my eyes but I sure hope this doesn't turn completely into 'let's molest kanda' fest. I'm not sure how my so called 'plot' is shaping so please give me your reader's perspective. Thank you for the reviews on the previews chapters and thanks again in advance to those who will give them this time.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own D Gray Man. I don't make any money from writing this. Please don't sue!

Warning: Yaoi themes. Language. Unbeta-edness.

* * *

><p><strong>Insomnia: Chapter 5 (Lacuna)<strong>

Kanda was screaming and thrashing violently when he woke up. The panic and horror were so fresh, it was as if he was experiencing his dream right then but he saw no sign of his violator. He panted, looking around in panic and seeing the inside of his room just as it had always looked.

"It's okay, master," Alice said with a worried face and rubbing his back in a soothing manner. He hadn't noticed she was there and he jumped pathetically.

Alice's eyes were wide and watery as she watched him, the internal struggle between wanting to comfort him and not wanting to spook Kanda any further very apparent.

It took minutes before Kanda could bring himself to speak. "What happened?" He could still feel his heart pounding. He forced to keep his face straight.

"You fell asleep," Alice said. "Dr. Lavi brought you here and you've been sleeping for an hour."

That was right. Kanda vaguely remembered Lavi and the book. They were in the kitchen and then…

"Where the hell is he?" he asked, suddenly regaining his well known kind of composure… which had just gone up some notches bordering homicidal.

Alice was confused. "He went to take his bath after all but… master, please take some more rest. Sleep if you still can."

Kanda ignored her, got up and made his way to the baths. He marched down the stairs and through the halls with angry steps until he reached the bathroom, a small indoor onsen. He kicked it open. The big bath was full and steaming but no one was there.

"Show yourself, baka!" Kanda said angrily only to find that the room was really empty. Angrier than before, he climbed back up the stairs. The air around him was thick with murder intent. In a flash, he was outside Lavi's door. "You cannot hide forever!" he yelled and kicked the door open. It was also empty.

Kanda groaned in frustration, fisting his hand and realizing just then that he didn't have his sword. Where the hell was that perverted freak?

* * *

><p>In the whole village, Lavi found out that there was only one pub and it was located near the fields and the market, the center of the grassy, well vegetated town which was quite far from the Kanda mansion. The pub wasn't as merry nor as sanitary as Lavi would have liked but it would do. It was half-full with nothing but farmers and a couple of ugly prostitutes but the noise helped distract him. It was always dead quiet in the mansion so he thought it was a nice change. He sighed, downing the ale from his dusty mug and relaxed a little as the alcohol kicked in. "One more here," he called to the bartender, a burly man with thick beard. He nodded at the doctor and worked to fetch more ale.<p>

"I've never seen you here before," a woman's voice said suddenly.

It was one of those prostitutes. Her makeup was thick while the short red dress barely covered anything. It was too much. She was smiling at him too, probably thinking of a way to slip off her dress entirely and making it look like an accident. Lavi thought for moment, contemplating if he could stomach fucking her if he had enough alcohol in his brain. The smell of her perfume made him dizzy and her wrinkly hands looked rough. Her lips were chapped and heavy with lipstick. He'd need to get himself a lot drunker if he were _that_ desperate. Unable to decide yet, he just nodded at her, not really flirting back but not sending her away either.

_Yet you didn't have any problems shoving your tongue down another man's throat._ He mentally kicked his subconscious for mocking him, feeling guilty and somewhat unsure. Kissing Kanda wasn't supposed to be a part of his little experiment. He had just wanted to give his patient a hug. A nice, harmless, completely _heterosexual_ hug. However, what occurred was completely different. Even after five mugs of ale, the memory was still vivid and his lips still tingle at the memory of the touch.

_Lavi was about to pull away when the hands on his chest suddenly moved and caught him by the collar. All he knew was Kanda's midnight blue eyes, half-lidded as their faces grew close and their lips touch for the third time. At that moment, all his control and inhibitions shattered and Lavi grabbed the sides of his head, tilting it more so he could deepen the kiss. His tongue easily slipped past Kanda's lips and it worked its way against the narrow space, sliding and pushing, and just feeling. The taste had been so intoxicating in itself that he completely lost himself to the kiss, not thinking of his experiment anymore nor of the fact that Kanda was his patient… and a man just like him._

_Suddenly, Kanda had stopped kissing back and settled on opening his mouth to gasp for air, relaxed and a bit swollen. Somehow, the sounds of Kanda sucking in air mingled with the soft wet noises he was making on those lips drove Lavi into craving for more. He pressed closer to Kanda's body, not breaking the kiss. His hand began to wander from Kanda's hair to his neck, and up again against his cheeks. His thumb ran over something wet and Lavi pulled away. He was suddenly brought back into his senses when he saw the trail of tears running down his patient's closed eyes._

_He jerked away suddenly, leaving Kanda's form to slide down against the wall and onto the kitchen floor, his hair messily falling over his face after the hair tie was removed somewhere in the doctor's explorations._

Lavi caught himself gripping the edge of the bar tightly with the memory running in his mind. Why did Kanda have to go and cry like that? It surprisingly made Lavi feel bad, like he had actually violated something innocent, like a fucking _child._

But Kanda was no child, no! He had pulled Lavi to him on that third kiss. That, Lavi was certain. What he was not certain about was why the hell he was kissing Kanda in the first place when all he had planned to do was test his hypothesis with a simple, _completely heterosexual,_ hug. Yet he knew how it felt and if he was subjected to it again, he wouldn't have resisted. It was lust like Lavi never felt before, not even when he was a younger, carefree lad visiting brothels after brothels.

"Let me take your mind off the things that are troubling you," the woman said seductively braving a hand on his thigh.

It annoyed him however, and he brushed it off. "I'm not in the mood."

"Come on," she persisted, trailing a finger on her cleavage. "Drinking that much? I know you're trying to forget someone. You can tell me about her… or the city if you prefer that. And then we'll have some fun. I _promise_ it will be fun."

She placed kisses on his cheek while he tried hard not to push her away. He had been thinking about this earlier that day, getting drunk and then having sex. His body needed release from the tension, especially after his little experiment with Kanda, but he could not find it in himself to like it. He attempted to respond, touching her and even kissing her lips but that turned out to be the last straw. The taste of thick lipstick mingled with alcohol made him sick and reminded him all too vividly of how a kiss should taste like.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, pushing her away not so gently. "I'm really not in the mood."

"But it was going so well," she said and tried to recapture his lips which he avoided.

"No, it wasn't," he told her firmly.

She rolled her eyes at him and stood up. "I'll be around if you change your mind," she said before stalking off to find someone else.

Lavi breathed deeply in relief and went back to getting himself drunk, vaguely thinking if his patient had woken up yet and if he remembered anything at all. He wished not. Hell, Lavi wished _he_ didn't remember a thing of it. But that couldn't be. He knew, and cursed the human brain for it, that memories that bad are the kind that would just haunt one forever. Novels and dramas might have planted the notion that one can shut out unwanted memories in order to go on living and surviving but that wasn't the way things worked. Lavi almost laughed at the though. If it were that easy, there won't be post traumatic stress disorder…

He shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Then Kanda must be lying," he muttered to himself. "If my theory is correct and he really had some sort of trauma, then he's just acting like it didn't happen!"

* * *

><p>"YOU!"<p>

Lavi flinched, hearing and immediately recognizing that voice behind him, as he closed the mansion door. He heard the sound of a singing blade being unsheathed and he followed what his instincts told him to do. Which was to duck.

The clean but quite deep gash on the thick wooden door showed Lavi a clear picture of how his neck could have been had it not for his instincts.

"Whoa," Lavi interjected. "Yu, you're completely overreacting!"

Another swing of the deadly blade missed his stomach by a couple of inches as Lavi jumped out of the way, knees a little wobbly from the alcohol but completely awake now that he was apparently fighting for his life. Why he didn't expect something like this when he decided to go back to the mansion was beyond him. Right, he was hoping Kanda wouldn't remember.

"The hell I'm overreacting!" Kanda muttered. "You really are out of your mind. You think you could… do that and expect to live?"

Lavi agreed wholeheartedly and hated the fact that he didn't think before doing… that. How in the world would he be able to explain himself now? "Come on, will you please calm down so we can talk about it? It's not as bad as you think," he tried.

Lavi immediately regretted having said that as Kanda glared at him with disbelief before charging again with renewed fury. Not as bad as he thought?

The pointed end of Mugen went piercing everywhere near him. Lavi had no choice but to move backwards while trying to dodge each succeeding attempt to skewer him. Kanda's aim seemed to be getting better the longer he pursued Lavi across the big lobby.

Lavi found a marble pedestal standing innocently and went for it, running around it in circles as he thought of a way to escape. He eyed the door about six meters away from where he was circling, but even before he thought of dashing out the mansion of the mansion, Kanda had sliced through the marble and was then aiming at Lavi's torso. Lavi had no choice but to retreat further inside the mansion. As he ran past the receiving area, Lavi grabbed the first thing he could, a candelabra, and flung it aimlessly at Kanda. He heard a loud and angry Japanese word which he assumed to be a curse, and then the sound of metal and a series of dull thuds.

"Sorry!" he muttered without looking back and then ran up the stairs.

"Bastard!" he heard Kanda yell back.

As soon as he reached the top step, Lavi was not able to hold back a grin as he thought of the perfect hiding place.

Kanda was still not over the fact that he was defeated by a candle holder but he forced himself to deal with the piece of metal later. He followed Lavi up the stairs but the doctor was too fast. Kanda had lost sight of him.

"Tch. I have all day _and night_, bastard," he yelled at the empty hall to the right as he walked down. "I will find you and cut you open!"

All the doors lining the hall were closed. Kanda looked behind him but the hallway to the left of the stairs was also lined with closed doors. Lavi must be hiding in the nearest rooms…

"It was just an experiment, Yu."

Lavi's voice was clear but he couldn't tell where it was coming from. Kanda stalked the first door, sword ready to strike. "Die."

"Not today. I'm too young to die," Lavi said with that hint of amusement he always seemed to have. "Besides, it wasn't like my experiment was fruitless. I can tell you three things I found out."

Kanda kicked the door open and charged right in. The old game room had been dusted, probably by Alice, but there was no one inside. "Tch"

"Aren't you interested?"

"No," Kanda answered annoyed. He went out to the hallway and closed the door behind him. The voice was fainter when he was inside, which meant Lavi was outside.

"I'll tell you anyway. One, you fall asleep whenever you get in physical contact with me. We can draw many hypotheses from this statement suck as Kanda Yu falls asleep whenever he is touched by other people, a male, a handsome male, a redhead, or all of them. We cannot know for certain unless we try bringing in other people with such characteristics to eliminate the various qualities."

Kanda rolled his eyes. Sure, he might have fallen asleep on all occasions that the idiot had touched him but that didn't make any sense. At all. "Do you hear yourself? You're supposed to be a fucking doctor. Can't you come up with something more believable?"

"I don't make up symptoms, I observe them. I admit I haven't seen anything like this before but there are possible scientific explanations. If ya let me experiment further I might—"

"Shut the fuck up!" Kanda cut him off. "You are a dead man!"

Kanda stalked and ransacked three rooms in under a minute. He was so pissed that the other was saying all these things and was getting away with it. How could he even think that Kanda let him do that again?

"Two! There is something reaaally important that you are not telling me."

At that, the memory of his nightmare went back to him. The deep, cold voice, rough hands touching him, the sickening smell… Kanda's eyes widened. How did Lavi even know about that?

"At around seventeen years old, something happened to you. Something that I believe caused you to lose sleep."

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about!" Kanda kicked the fourth door open. It was empty.

"Being an advocate of application of knowledge from neurological studies, I'm not a big fan of psychogenic amnesia as it lacks the much needed observable evidence of the usual cause of memory loss such lesions to the brain. So unless you bumped your head really hard when you were seventeen, start telling me about that experience so I can label this as a psychiatric case, call a psychologist, and get the hell out of your hair."

Kanda's grasp on his katana tightened. "You think I'm either lying or crazy."

It wasn't a question. The idiot still thought he had emotional trauma and was lying about it. It wasn't real. It_ can't_ be real…

"It's a common misconception but no, not all patients seen by psychologists are nuts. Which leaves us with…"

"What the fuck? I'm not lying!"

Kanda stared at his blade. He felt the anger dissipating fast and being replaced by weakness. The hand holding the katana shook and the blade almost slipped from his grasp. He couldn't remember it happening to him yet it felt so real. Shit. Maybe he really was crazy.

"Yu?"

Kanda shook his head. "I don't remember it happening, Lavi," he said, his voice cracking. Without realizing it, Mugen had fallen on the floor and Kanda leaned his back against the wall, clutching his head with both hands. "I'm so confused! And angry! I know it didn't happen… but it felt like it did! I don't fucking remember! I don't fucking remember!"

"What are you talking about?" Lavi asked uncertainly. He could see Kanda from the open door, eyes big and wild, like his head was about to explode.

Kanda turned to him and Lavi was taken aback to see those tears again. It tugged unpleasantly at his chest and he felt a strong urge to wrap his arms around him.

"I never told you," Kanda said, his face softening but the tears kept trickling down his face, "I've been having dreams… nightmares."

"About your mother?" Lavi asked. Slowly, he walked in the room and Kanda involuntarily flinched. Lavi could tell that pride kept Kanda from cowering or running away from him but he was very close to doing either with the way his hands were shaking. "Tell me about it," he told Kanda, stopping some feet away and the other visibly relaxed.

He didn't know how to describe him. Kanda looked torn between being terrified and… indignant. His arms were a bit raised, fists tightly clenched as if to stop himself from putting them around himself. He avoided Lavi's eye as he spoke. "I, uh, I see a man… with blond hair but I can't see his face."

"Do you know him?" Lavi asked.

Kanda took his time before answering. "No."

"Tell me more," Lavi encouraged him.

Kanda slowly walked until he passed Lavi. He stopped right behind his doctor so that they were facing at the opposite sides of the room. "He touched me. I didn't want to… but I didn't do anything. I couldn't do anything. I don't remember it happening at all."

"_I'm scared."_

The unsaid words rang clearly in his mind and Lavi's hands clenched. "I see."

"Do you think it happened? Do you think I'm crazy?" Kanda asked, taking care so that his voice didn't shake.

The steadiness of Kanda's voice could not hide the fact that he was scared, horrified by the idea that either was true. Lavi saw right through it. He could only imagine how it must feel like and he didn't know what to say.

"Answer me."

"It's just a nightmare, Yu."

There was a long silence before Kanda huffed. "Fucking liar."

Kanda's footsteps gradually fainted as he walked out of the room, leaving Lavi standing alone. He bent down to pick up Kanda's weapon. He stared at it. "You haven't even heard number three yet."

* * *

><p>That night, Lavi wrote his daily medical report a little longer than usual. He ended up tossing and turning all night and getting no sleep at all. At around midday, Alice came to him to ask if Kanda was allowed to drink the sleeping tablets and he said yes. He wasn't the only one having difficulty sleeping.<p>

When night fell, he did not feel like sleeping and he didn't even try. He was pacing back and forth in his bedroom, his mind occupied with hypotheses and other not so medical rationalization. Thrice he walked down to Kanda's door only to stop in front of it, stare, and then head back to his room. More problematic about his almost-visits than the unknown reason why he couldn't muster the courage to knock, was that he didn't have a particular reason for going there in the first place.

Why would he need an excuse? He was the doctor! It was his business to visit his patients and see how they're doing.

"What is wrong with you?" Lavi asked himself in front of the mirror. His bright green eye, messy fiery hair, and signature eye patch stared right back at him with no answer. He sighed. He really shouldn't have had said no to sex.

Lavi continued pacing. Maybe he should leave, let Bookman take over? The old man wouldn't let him quit a case. What if he told him that he has become attached to the patient?

"Wait, attached?" he muttered to himself.

He didn't get _attached, _especially not to a patient. Being attached is not something Lavi did. It was the stress talking, clearly.

After much more deliberation with himself, Lavi set out of his room for the fourth time. He was already three doors down the hall when he decided to go back for Kanda's sword. He clenched it tightly, relieved to have a reason to visit. He reached Kanda's door in no time and raised his hand. It was just a knock. The fuck is wrong with that?

"What's wrong Doctor Lavi sir?"

Lavi whipped around in surprise to find Alice holding a tray of cups and pot, looking confused. "I uh… is Kanda resting? I brought him his katana."

"He's fine sir. He asked me to bring him tea," she answered and then frowned. "Do you feel well sir? You look nervous," she asked.

"Nervous?" Lavi repeated. "No, I'm not nervous. It's just been stressful lately so."

Alice smiled and nodded slightly. "Will you please open the door sir? My hands are quite full."

"Of course," Lavi managed to say without stuttering. He had a nasty feeling about Alice and her knowing smile.

"Master Kanda, I've brought tea. Doctor Lavi is also here to see you," she announced as they walked in.

Kanda was reading a book on his bed. He glanced at Alice and then at Lavi without a word, putting his book aside. "Put it down the table and then you can leave."

Alice nodded and did as she was told. It was too fast for Lavi's liking and before he knew it, he was alone with Kanda.

"So, uh, I've brought Mugen," he said lamely. He slowly walked to the table and placed the said katana beside the tray. "You look fine. I'll see you in the mor—"

"Wait!"

Lavi stared at Kanda in surprise. This was awkward. He wasn't used to being awkward.

"You're right," Kanda muttered, staring at his hands, "it really is just with you."

"What?" Lavi asked.

Kanda looked irritated at having to explain himself. "I tried it with Alice—"

"You what?"

"Shut up!" Kanda said. "It was just a hug. Well, sort of. She accidentally fell on me while helping me change into my yukata."

"I told you," Lavi said.

"I know!" the other replied. "That's why…"

Kanda was fidgeting with the hem of his blanket, still refusing to meet Lavi's gaze. "What is it?" Lavi asked him.

Kanda continued to punish the fabric but said nothing. And then it hit him. Lavi couldn't help but smirk. "Could it be that you want me to… help ya fall asleep?"

"Tch," Kanda muttered and glared at Lavi.

"Oh my, I'm right," Lavi said, genuinely surprised.

"Shut up! I didn't say that!" Kanda told him.

"Right," Lavi said. It was a cycle that he recognized now. Whenever he felt uneasy dealing with his patient, he realized that he cope by reverting to his playful, mischievous side. "Because unless you're going to ask me to bring _men_ in the mansion, I would definitely have thought you wanted a hu—."

It only took a fraction of a second before Kanda was off his bed, behind Lavi, and his hand tightly shutting the doctor's mouth. Kanda looked at the door with lightly veiled panic before punching Lavi in the gut. "KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT OR I SWEAR, I SWEAR I REALLY WILL KILL YOU!"

And then he got injuries in return.

Lavi glared at him. "I never knew you care this much about what people thinks about you."

"I've tolerated so much from you," Kanda told him pissed. "You should be thankful you're still alive."

Lavi huffed and then smirked. "Oh, but Yu, you can't kill me. You _won't_."

"Tch," Kanda muttered.

They both knew that Kanda understood the situation perfectly. Lavi was the only one who could make him go to sleep at the moment through both medications and… other means. Bookman had been his doctor for so long, surely, there were a lot of opportunities for Kanda to have fallen asleep if he really had the same response to others' touch aside from Lavi's.

Kanda muttered something violently under his breath. For a young man who was raised to be, practically the embodiment of pride, Lavi could only imagine how much his current predicament was eating Kanda up.

"No one will know if that's what you're worried about," he told his patient, deciding to take the high road and refraining from rubbing it in the samurai's face.

Kanda looked even more annoyed at the fact that his doctor was being nice. "Don't misunderstand. I never said that I want to sleep."

"I really didn't to ask," Lavi told him, dropping the playful tone. "I know I haven't found why you can't sleep like a normal person does but at least I did find a way to help you sleep. It's a little unorthodox but so long as it helps, I don't see why we can't use it."

Kanda didn't know what to do because despite all the things that he said, he really was planning to ask the doctor to help him sleep tonight. His pride refused to allow him to ask for help but pride also pushed him to do the more difficult thing. More than asking favor from someone so annoying, Kanda couldn't stomach that now, somehow, he actually felt scared to fall asleep. He dreaded to go through that nightmare again.

But Kanda was not a child and he wasn't afraid of nightmares. Pride also told him that he needed to affirm that with himself and asking to be hugged by another guy was a small price to pay.

"You're not going to ask, are you?" Lavi said.

"Tch"

"Right," Lavi said. "I'll take that as 'no Doctor Lavi, I won't but I really, really want to fall asleep so just do it and shut the fuck up.'"

Kanda glared at him.

"Shutting up now," he said as he walked towards the bed.

Kanda looked like he was about to swallow poison but said nothing. He kept his eyes on his hands which were tightly fisting the sheets. He felt the mattress dip beside him and he was very much aware of the other sitting beside him.

"You can face the opposite way," he heard Lavi say and he turned away from him. "I'll just hug you from the back." He tried not to think about it too much but when he heard Lavi say "Here I go," Kanda involuntarily shut his eyes.

Lavi's hands were warm as they slowly snaked around his waist. As soon as he felt that warmth, Kanda's eyes suddenly became a little heavy but not really sleepy.

"Is this okay?" Lavi asked behind him.

Kanda couldn't find his voice so he nodded instead. They didn't move for a while until Lavi realized that Kanda was still conscious enough to maintain the posture of his upper body.

"I'm coming closer," he warned Kanda before closing the distance between them.

Kanda could feel Lavi's chest rising and sinking gently against his back, the faint heartbeat inside him, and the warm breath against his cheek.

"It's working," Kanda found himself saying. His eyes were closed and his body relaxed completely that his head slightly fell back against Lavi.

"Good," Lavi said softly as Kanda drifted deeper.

The rhythmical breathing and the soft, peaceful face that he saw as Kanda's head completely fell back against his shoulder told Lavi that his patient had finally gone to sleep. He stayed like that for some time, watching Kanda's face. He carefully removed one of his arms from Kanda's waist so that he could tuck away stray locks from his face. He contemplated for a while but then decided to plant a soft kiss on his patient's cheek. Lavi smiled.

"Goodnight, Yu."

* * *

><p>Author's Note: I really, really, really wish I had the ability to put the scene I have in my mind exactly as I see it using words. I loved the last scene when I saw it in my mind but I feel like this is somehow flat. Ugh. Anyway, I'm sorry this took so long. I was busy with work and lazy at home. The reviews kept coming despite my absence so thanks for bearing with me! You're reviews pushed me to work. :)<p>

It's really hard to write Kanda being vulnerable when I don't want him to turn into a girl. So sorry if I failed. What else… Oh yeah, please review! Thanks.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own D Gray Man. I don't make any money from writing this. Please don't sue!

Warning: Yaoi themes. Language. Unbeta-edness.

* * *

><p>Insomnia: Chapter 6 (Perspectives)<p>

"Ohayo, Kanda-sama."

Kanda's forehead wrinkled slightly as the sudden influx of light assaulted his vision even with his eyes closed. He forced one eye to open and it took some moments before his vision was clear enough to see Alice by the window, tying the curtains and letting all the fucked up sunshine attack his eyes. Her smile widened as she walked over to him. "You look well."

He blinked a few times, not really processing what she was saying. He felt lazy and a bit sleepy. It was a very nice feeling to have so he didn't bother to respond or acknowledge her.

"Kanda-sama?"

He already had half his mind made up about going back to sleep so he just grunted a "Hnm" and waved his hand dismissively at her with the intent of telling her to leave him alone already.

"Oh! It's Dr. Lavi sir."

The mention of his doctor's name brought a mental image of the red head and his usual mischievous smile. It also reminded him of how the said doctor had helped him last night which resulted to him actually getting some sleep…

Kanda jerked wide awake and sat up straight to look beside him. Relief washed over him when he saw that it was empty. He looked around the room and Lavi was nowhere to be found still.

"Sir?"

"That idiot isn't here," Kanda muttered, averting his gaze and trying act normal.

Alice looked at him curiously. "Yes sir, what I meant was that it was Dr. Lavi who taught me to call you 'Kanda-sama' and greet you in Japanese. He said it might please you. He knows quite a lot of languages."

What was he thinking? Of course Lavi had left. He probably left Kanda right after he fell asleep. Kanda was worrying too much for no reason at all. He sighed. It would have been an embarrassing scene if Alice were to find Lavi in his bed let alone know about what he did to help him sleep.

Kanda shook his head and his gaze landed on his katana lying quietly on his bedside, sheathed. He suddenly felt a strong urge to drive it through his stomach. How dare he succumb to his yearning! Even if sleep was probably the most precious thing in his life right now, there was no way he can justify hurting his pride and asking the man to hug him to sleep. He cringed at the thought.

"I-I'm sorry," Alice muttered, visibly trembling. ""I di-didn't mean to, Master Kanda. It was assuming of me. I should stop ca-calling you that… if it displeases you."

Kanda waved his hand at her apology and she relaxed but didn't dare speak another word. He was too occupied. Last night he slept peacefully. _Dreamlessly_. He had been preparing himself to confront the man in his dreams before he called Lavi in. Kanda Yu was not one to be intimidated by anyone or anywhere, especially not in _his_ own dreams. The fear would creep in on him whenever he remembered it but he refused to acknowledge it, knowing that if he did, he would be overwhelmed and then he would be defeated. He told himself that the fear was irrational and that facing this nightmare would conquer it. He shall not run.

"_Not all battles are faced in the field with swords and shields. A brave man fights his battle naked and emerges victorious."_

He didn't know what his sword master meant when he said those words. Kanda had been young at the time and only thought that facing an enemy without weapon was stupid, not brave. But now he understood those words quite well and he realized that having a sword and a shield in battle wasn't always a choice.

But he didn't dream and he couldn't help but feel relieved.

"He's in the library now," Alice said obliviously. "He told me to check up on you since you fell asleep last night. Eight hours today sir! No wonder you look better."

"Eight hours huh?" Kanda said, not really asking. That was by far the longest sleep he had in months, years even but that was beside the point.

Alice nodded with a smile. "I'll be calling Dr. Lavi since you're awake. I'll help you change after."

"Just bring in my clothes. I can dress myself," Kanda told her.

"As you wish, Kanda-sama."

It wasn't long before a knock was heard on his door and in came Lavi with his black bag that Kanda came to learn housed Lavi's equipment. Lavi set his bag on the bed side table before dragging a chair beside the bed. He wasn't making eye-contact with Kanda and he couldn't tell if the doctor was doing it on purpose but he decided to stop thinking about it. If Lavi dared to make one sly remark about last night, Kanda would pull out his other eye and feed it to the rats.

"Did ya sleep well?" Lavi finally asked as he placed the stethoscope on his ears. There was no hint of playfulness in his voice, in fact the doctor sounded nonchalant. Too nonchalant…

He reached one hand in front of Kanda's chest and his patient shoved it away in reflex. Lavi blinked. "Sorry, I uh, could you please open the top buttons of your shirt? I need to do my routine crap."

Kanda didn't say anything back at the doctor's attempt to ease the awkward atmosphere but proceeded to undoing the buttons of his shirt. His mind was a mix of trying to calm himself and figuring out why in the world he was so tensed in the first place. Really. 'You're acting like a girl,' he taunted himself and he found that oddly calming. He opened the first three buttons and didn't see why he had to leave rest of them. Kanda was a man and he didn't have anything on his chest that the doctor shouldn't see.

"I slept well," Kanda tersely while looking at the window. The instrument was cold against his chest as he felt it press on the skin below his left collar bone and other areas. Lavi didn't say anything else aside from "breathe in" and "breathe out" after that, and the feeling of the cold plate on his chest was rhythmical. It also unnerved him somehow.

"What's this?" Lavi asked suddenly.

Kanda met Lavi's gaze and found that the doctor was staring at his chest. He followed the doctor's gaze to the skin above his heart and found something gray smudged on it. He lifted the rest of his shirt up and found more of the markings around it.

"It looks like dirt," Lavi said following the random smudged lines of grey across the pale skin.

As much as Kanda was surprised to find dirt on his chest, he found himself focusing more on the way Lavi was staring at his bare skin. It was intense, with the analyzing look on Lavi's face. Slowly, Kanda felt the left half of his shirt being drawn off his shoulder to bare the entire chest and some of his arm. He gripped the blanket unconsciously. 'The fuck… Man up!'

"It doesn't look like a pattern," Lavi commented and lightly touched the gray area. "Does it hurt?"

Kanda shook his head before firmly pressing against the skin. "It doesn't. I don't think it's a bruise," he said. He then licked the tip of his index finger and tried to rub off the marks. "It's not coming off either."

Lavi placed Kanda's shirt back on his shoulder in one quick motion. He sat back against the chair he dragged, holding his chin. "Is this the first time you've seen it?"

"It is," Kanda answered. "I don't remember seeing it the last time I checked."

"Which was?"

"Last night? When I changed into these," Kanda muttered annoyed as he flicked on the button-down he was wearing. "I have no idea how it got here."

Lavi nodded. "Maybe it's ink? But the question of how it got there… sleepwalking perhaps?"

"You're the doctor," Kanda said as he pushed the covers away and stood. "Figure it out. And get the hell out of my room."

* * *

><p>It was for the sake of satisfying his curiosity, nothing else.<p>

This was what Lavi told himself about an hour ago when a sudden idea struck him. Seeing the mark on Kanda's chest, he had immediately thought it was a bruise or a birthmark. But that wasn't the case. Looking closely, it looked like it was ink accidentally fell on his chest and was rinsed with water a little too late. But Lavi wasn't thinking that it was a deliberate mark of some sort, no. There were many medical-related things that the said _thing_ could be. A hematoma for example.

_Yeah, without apparent trauma?_

A hit strong enough to cause such a big mark would surely wake the grumpy Japanese up.

And this train of thought just fueled his already curious self. Curiosity was perfectly fine. Hence searching through the magic book (not for answers, mind you) was perfectly fine too. He was now at the middle part of the thick volume, scanning the words and pictures, and Lavi thought someone who had time to kills in his hand had a _great_ imagination.

Aside from the recipes and mystic symbols, Lavi found out that the book also had pages after pages of 'information' about worlds, beings, and even things to remember, sort of the stuff every magician should know. His curiosity was enjoying itself.

Lavi found himself chuckling at one that said '_the full moon is a good time to let out emotions…'_ and immediately imagined himself bawling for all the times he had passed up on sex or kicking his mentor's head for the many times he was cruel. As if he needed to wait for a full moon for those.

And what would he do for Kanda? On a night of a full moon, Lavi would… He didn't even know what his emotion was for him. He closed his eyes and flashes of last night's events came to him. His patient was warm in his arms, despite the coldness that he always wore around himself around others. Lavi had never met someone who threatened to kill him much less give him multiple death threats every single day. He did deserve some of those, partly since his humor was little appreciated by the young master, but it was just plain rude to say things such as 'I'll gut you' or 'I'll pull out your eye' when all the other did to deserve it was poke a little at his hair.

But Kanda did not make true of those threats. Lavi was now convinced that Kanda would never hurt them, at least not mortally, no matter how much he said he would. He was even, almost, amiable to Alice now even when he had wanted the maid out of his mansion on the first day. Lavi smiled.

"On a full moon, maybe I'd ask him to come out with me in the fields beyond the mansion stone walls. I'd tell him I want to know him more as we walk under the stars," Lavi told himself.

He was not in love. Love was as true as the contents of the book he was reading now, as true as the protection spells, potions, and creatures that he has never seen before.

'_An amulet for dispelling bad luck'_

…

'… _young virgins were always favored in doing the rituals…'_

'… _crush the leaves to a paste and spread across the forehead.'_

…

'_A potion to give strength'_

…

'… _dwelling in the southern woods of the White Rush. It feeds on little animals and insects until winter when the river freezes and ice awakens its spirit. It then moves to higher land to…'_

Lavi turned the page and the pages after that, scanning through more scrawls, rough illustrations, and diagrams he didn't understand. He couldn't make sense of any of them, much like he couldn't figure out why the hell he'd want to know Kanda more. He half-heartedly went through more pages but soon found himself shutting the thick volume close. He hadn't noticed how hungry he was until he saw the sun through his window, starting to set.

He went down to the kitchen and found Alice stirring a pot. He caught the scent of garlic, chicken, and freshly baked bread; and his stomach growled. She turned from the pot.

"Dr. Lavi," she greeted.

"Is it done? I seem to have missed lunch," he told her.

"I went to your room to fetch you but I couldn't find you anywhere, sir," she said apologetically. "I was about to check the attic but the young master told me that you'll show yourself when you get hungry…"

Lavi frowned inwardly. Did Kanda think of him as a dog? "Well, I guess he's right," he said with a shrug.

"Master thought you visited the pub again when tea time came and you still haven't come back," she said as she continued busying herself with the ladle and the oven. She placed the freshly baked bread and sliced them carefully.

"How did he know about my trip to the pub?" Lavi asked.

Alice shrugged and fetched some plates from the cupboard. "The man who supplies us with milk and flour saw you. I found out from him and I think master heard from him too. William does like to hear himself talk so I wouldn't be surprised."

Lavi snorted and grabbed slice. "Kanda _talks_ to him?"

She nodded, not fully understanding the question. "And the horsemen, the orchard workers, the carpenters, and blacksmiths," she added. "Master Kanda runs the mansion and all his father's affairs. Their family owns several fields near town where different crops are grown. In the past years, he had been too weak to visit them but ever since you came here he has been doing better. He had visited them a couple of times again this past weeks, sir."

Lavi had not thought of what Kanda did when he was still healthy. Of course he wouldn't have spent all his time lounging around the mansion or swinging his katana in practice. The brat was actually busy. "I see."

"It was all because of you," she said with a smile and Lavi gave her a questioning look. "You helped him get better, sir," she explained as she put out the fire on the stove. "I'm new in this mansion but the town has been my home all my life before I moved to work in Dr. Bookman's hospital. The people who worked in the Kandas' fields love this place and respected the family. They looked so happy when young master rode out to visit them after so long."

Lavi said nothing. He didn't know if he had really helped Kanda.

"William never really liked the young master but he seemed a lot livelier when he delivered his goods last week," she told him with a laugh.

He suddenly wanted to meet this William. "Is Kanda in his room?" he asked.

She shook her head. "He rode out again after tea. William said the field workers were having some trouble with the crops and he fetched the young master at the workers' request." Everything was done and waiting to be plated and put on the long table. "I hope he gets back in time for supper," she added.

"Yeah," he muttered.

It wasn't until after dinner that they heard the door open and a grumpy-looking Kanda walked into the dining hall. Lavi had been finished with his meal but he lingered in the table, hoping to catch his patient. He would have waited to sup with him but having missed lunch and stayed in the kitchen full of fresh cooked food, Lavi couldn't help himself.

"Okaeri," he greeted.

Kanda grunted without sparing a glance at him and sat himself, pulling plate to himself. Alice had already hurried to the kitchen to fetch some more food.

"How was William?" Lavi asked.

The response came after some time, as if Kanda had been thinking if he would trouble himself with answering the question. "A fool, as always," he said.

"What did he want?" Lavi probed casually. Alice emerged from the kitchen with a tray of warm bread and heated soup.

Kanda sighed. "Money. They want a new irrigation system before spring because the old one has become… inefficient," he said tiredly as his plate welcomed dinner. "Tch. I'd have to write to that old man again."

"Tiedoll," lavi said nodding gravely as if he understood Kanda's sentiments. "How are ya feeling?"

"Fine," his patient answered tersely and his tone told him exactly how Kanda was feeling. Tired and hungry.

Lavi let him eat the rest of his meal in peace and did not ask any more questions, busying himself with a small book he had brought down with him in his pocket instead. He was barely reading though, preferring to watch his patient from the corner of his eye after he had read the same line seven times. Once or twice Kanda glanced at his direction as if he could feel his stare. Lavi went back to the pages after that.

He began thinking about the night ahead. Will Kanda need him again tonight? The question burned relentlessly with every nervous tap his foot made against the carpet.

_Kanda looked tired. He'd want a good rest. But what if he managed to fall asleep by himself? He has insomnia, of course he can't. Why does it even matter? It's not like I don't want him to be able to fall asleep without me… Regardless! Whether or not I like-no! __**Volunteer**__ to do it wouldn't matter. It's all up to him._

Lavi forced his thoughts to settle down. It wouldn't do to think of things like that, especially not in front of Kanda.

"Come to my room later."

The book fell from his hands and he blinked. Lavi looked around for Alice but only found his patient staring at him with those icy eyes. "Excuse me?"

"Tch," Kanda muttered. "What are you so surprised about?"

Lavi blinked again.

"It's not… I just want to have you there. If I fail to fall asleep. I feel like I could sleep on my own tonight anyway so," Kanda mumbled.

"Yeah, sure," he managed to say.

* * *

><p>An hour into the night and Kanda knew he was doomed. It seemed like exhaustion wouldn't send him to sleep no matter what he did, not even riding the fields the whole afternoon and <em>speaking <em>with William and the rest of the workers. It gave him a terrible headache to listen to their blabbering, all about his well being and the fields and the fucking irrigation system that they wanted. It didn't help that they hadn't seen him for so long that they somehow felt like it was appropriate of them to fuss over him needlessly. He wasn't _that _sick. But thanks to the big mouth of his dairy man, they all thought he was dying.

His room was dim as lay there, only a single candle burning at the opposite side of where he was facing. He turned to his other side to see Lavi on the chair of his study, still poring over papers and books. The doctor seemed to have an endless supply of them and he brought them wherever he went. Even to Kanda's room. Earlier, he did his routine crap and then began to set up his mini fortress of documents on Kanda's study.

"I'll be here if you… need anything," he told Kanda almost inaudibly before hastily adding something about ruling out sleep walking and hematomas.

So Kanda let him be and he went on his business of falling asleep. He had been so tired when he got home but his eyes were wide awake. Oh he was doomed alright.

"Your hair looks stupid."

Lavi's unmoving back twitched to life. He faced Kanda with a curious expression before smiling widely. "I'd say something about your hair too but I feel like I might lose a body part if I do. So let me say this instead, you really need to work on your social skills. Had I been someone less understanding of you, I would have thought you're insulting me when all you want is my attention."

"You _are_ stupid."

"Really Yu-chan," he said fully turning his chair to face the Japanese, "you don't want to insult someone when you're about to ask a favor."

Kanda's cheeks turned pink. "Shut up. You give license to people to call you stupid when you decide to wear your hair like that. I'm insulting you, it just so happens that it's hard not to call someone's attention when you call them names."

"Alright," Lavi relented. "But don't think I've decided anything about my hair. It is red and messy but that's just the way it is. And besides, I have a lot of things more important than taming my hair."

His patient snorted. "Like what?"

"These," he said, holding out a thick collection of paper he had been reading, "are medical records of the most bizarre cases of sleeping disorders."

Kanda was unimpressed.

"Did ya know that a man in an eastern country hasn't slept since he was twelve? He is thirty now and hasn't bought a bed or pillows in eighteen years," he said. "But a woman who lived two centuries ago claimed that she had no memory of ever falling asleep. She lived for twenty-five years and died of complications of sleep deprivation. Or at least that's what they thought; they only had her journal to draw conclusions from."

Kanda went cold. He had never considered dying because of his condition. "Twenty five years?" he asked uncertainly.

Lavi's eyes widened, realizing his tactlessness. "Every condition manifests itself differently from person to person," he said quickly. "Besides, this woman said that she didn't have a wink of sleep in her life. You did though."

It's true. Unlike her, Kanda was still able to sleep before. Even after the onset of his insomnia, he was still able to find sleep from time to time although those were rare and would only last for minutes at most.

"She was probably so tired when she died," Kanda said. He knew how that felt. Death must have been a relief.

The doctor nodded. "Sleep helps our brain take a break, the _only_ break it would get the whole day. Did you know that every little thing is controlled by our brain? Walking, reading, eating, speaking, even breathing depend on that big lump in our heads."

Lavi could just imagine how Kanda's big lump was now. Sure he had been falling asleep recently but he had seen how his patient was when they first came to the mansion. Kanda was desperate, tired, and weak.

"I'm not afraid to die," Kanda said suddenly. He was staring at the sheets on his lap so emotionlessly that if he were lying, Lavi was not able to tell.

"You're not going to die," Lavi told him.

"You don't know that, do you? Kanda asked him. He wasn't insulting him this time, Lavi realized. The young master was just saying, maybe partly asking but he was just _saying._

"I don't understand a lot of things about this case but I'm pretty sure that given your current condition, you're not dying anytime soon."

"Just as well," Kanda said firmly as he met his gaze. "For whatever reason, you will not lie to me about anything. If you think that my hopes of getting well are going down, tell me immediately."

"You're not—"

"Just give me your word."

Kanda's face was still unreadable but the very slight tremor on his hands grasping the sheets gave him away. Lavi never planned to euphemize or keep important details about his condition from him should it came to worse. Lying about other things though, was a different story.

Before he knew it, Lavi was walking towards the bed and had pulled Kanda into a tight embrace. His patient went rigid against his chest and he smiled. It was too easy to predict him. He just knew how to leave those eyes shocked and his breathing short and shallow. He buried his face on the dark strands of Kanda's hair. "I promise," he said.

He didn't know how long he held Kanda. All he remembered was the other's weight and his head sliding off from Lavi's chest as he went limp. Lavi placed him on the pillow and smoothed the sheets to Kanda's chin. He thought for moment before seating himself on the bed and resting his back against the wooden head board. His hand found Kanda's head, stroking gently at his hair while the other rested on his chest, beating wildly as he watched Kanda sleep.

Maybe Lavi was wrong. "I messed up," he muttered and closed his eyes.

* * *

><p>Time passed by like wind blowing through his open window, bringing sun, dust, rain, and the smell of spring. Lavi thought his hair had grown past what he normally deemed acceptable but he never really cared. It was his mentor that cared so much about how he presented himself.<p>

"_I'm going to visit you and Yu-kun as soon as I get the chance. There's been a small outbreak of flu here so I have my hands full at the moment. Keep monitoring his condition and behave properly, as expected of a doctor."_

He wanted to laugh when he remembered those words from Bookman's last letter. The old man had always been busy, being the kind of person that he was and attending to others' needs just because he can. Sometimes Lavi thought that the man should have been a priest or something, not a doctor. Surely, people can take care of their own sniffles without him. With the change in season, small outbreaks were to be expected. He was too kind.

But it wasn't that he wanted Bookman here though. Lavi wouldn't have known how to explain to him how he had been helping Kanda to sleep. Of course he wrote his usual reports to his mentor as Kanda was really his patient but he took care to not write about hugging Kanda until he fell asleep. Maybe he was embarrassed about it, or afraid that he'd hear some more of the old man' morality lecture. He didn't know. He just felt like he should keep it a secret at least for now. Those short moments that he get to hold Kanda had been sustaining him now. When night comes, he would always visit him in his room, do his routine check up and then, Kanda would let him hold him.

Kanda never returned his hug though, and it was always from the back. He had never let Lavi hold him face to face. Lavi never attempted it but he just knew how his patient would react. Even now, Kanda would always clench his fists as soon as he felt Lavi's arms at night. In the morning, Kanda would sometimes glare at him wordlessly as if to say something and then walk off to train or visit the fields.

He had been doing a lot of those now because his health has improved much. Lavi could see some color return to those cheeks everyday and strength as well. He was glad.

Yesterday, Lavi accompanied Kanda when he rode out to the fields. He saw the construction near the river where they plan to get water for the irrigation system and the men working tirelessly. Kanda inspected the half-erected structures and talked to the engineer and carpenters he hired to build it while Lavi walked along the river, throwing stones and reading his book.

"Have you considered digging a small channel around here?" Lavi heard Kanda say as he walked back to the small tent in the construction site where his patient was huddled with his hired men. A map was lying on the table and Kanda was pointing to an area in it. Lavi joined the group.

"Yes, we did," Jon the engineer said as he stroked his beard. "But the river rises three feet higher when a strong rain comes. The fields would be flooded."

"Then build a dam over here," Kanda said, poking at the map again.

"The currents are too strong, young master," William butted in. "The dam will break."

Lavi stared thoughtfully at the map. "How about digging here to build artificial pools to weaken the rush of water," he joined in too.

Kanda and Jon looked at him surprise. He continued. "Instead of one dam, you'll have three," he said.

"But that would increase the cost of construction," Jon disagreed. "It is a good idea but…"

"Three _small_ dams and total control of the water," Lavi argued. "Unless you have a brighter idea." Jon coughed slightly and stared at the young doctor with dislike but said nothing. He obviously didn't have a brighter idea.

"Cost is not a problem," Kanda said. "Build five or ten dams if it will get the water to our fields."

"As you say, young master," Jon said.

Lavi couldn't help but think how cool Kanda was. He was a little antisocial and could use more books to widen his perspective but he definitely did everything he ought to do with confidence and to the best of his abilities. Lavi saw that he wasn't the only one. Kanda had full command and respect of the construction team and the rest of the people.

"A small token, young master," a pretty girl had said as she handed Kanda a basket full of fruits, "for taking care of us." Her hair was golden and her smile was stunning. Lavi could tell she had given an hour of extra time this morning to make her hair shine like that. She was the third one that day but Kanda received the token nonetheless, giving a stiff bow of acknowledgement. When he and Lavi rode off back to the mansion, Kanda shoved the 'tokens' to Lavi in irritation.

That was another thing that surprised Lavi though thinking about it, it shouldn't have. It was only logical that his patient was very popular among the young maidens of the town. Lavi hated hearing the babble of Jon the engineer but he thought he hated hearing their giggles more whenever they saw Kanda. And who could blame them? Kanda was young, beautiful, _and_ rich. He was the perfect prince.

Lavi got some tokens of his own too. He enjoyed talking to the girls who had given them but he thought the fruits and flowers were too for the sickly for his taste. What's with these girls and their flowers and fruits?

"But wasn't it sweet of them to give you these?" Lavi asked on their ride home.

Kanda rolled his eyes. "Why they would give me flowers, I would never understand."

"Yet you accepted them," he pointed out.

"Those people are a part of my father's fields. I… he would have accepted their tokens had he been here," Kanda said.

_It's expected of me. In his stead, I cannot do wrong._

It was too much. Remembering the day before, and all other times he had been with Kanda, Lavi's chest felt like it was being brutally tickled. Why did Kanda have to act so adorable all the time?

Lavi shook his head. He had to stop thinking about Kanda. His reflection's hair looked like a red flaming bush and something had to be done about it. He went out of his room and smiled at the sight of the mansion vases filled with fresh flowers. He caught sight of Alice fixing another bouquet at the end of the hall.

"Finished with your readings sir?" she asked politely.

"Yeah," he answered. "Are those the flowers from yesterday?"

"They are," Alice said with a nod. "Very nice. They bring life and color to the halls. Do you want anything sir? We still have a lot of fruit tarts, berry cakes, and fresh fruits."

"I think I'll pass," he answered. "Where's Kanda?"

Alice flashed her knowing smile. "He went to town to deliver his letter to his godfather to the post office. He also has some other errands I think."

"I see," Lavi said. He really hated Alice's smile. "You don't happen to know how to cut hair, do you?" he changed the subject.

She glanced at his hair. "It has grown quite a bit. I'm no expert but I could at least trim it a little so it wouldn't look so long."

"Thanks," he muttered.

She bowed. "I'll get a pair of clean shears and towels. I'll cut your hair in your room," she told him and walked off.

"Okay," Lavi said and was about to walk away when she called her.

"Doctor Lavi," Alice began solemnly, "I owe you an apology."

"I don't understand," he said.

"Back when I just got here, I remember telling you something about the young master's life being beyond your healing."

Lavi nodded. He remembered well.

"It was wrong of me to say that, for whatever reason I have. I shouldn't have doubted you. I still believe that my lady cursed her son but whatever you're doing, you're saving him."

He avoided her gaze. "It was nothing. I'm just doing my job."

Alice shook her head. "You may not realize this but magic as strong as my lady's is not undoable. I think it's you that's saving my master, not your medicines, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart."

He didn't know what to say to that so he didn't speak.

"I hope you forgive me," she said.

"There's nothing to forgive," he said honestly.

With that, they parted ways. He thought of Alice's words as he made his way to his room. He knew he should be disappointed that it wasn't his knowledge that's helping Kanda but somehow, he couldn't help but feel happy that he really was the cause of Kanda's improvement. He was smiling as he opened the door.

His room was cluttered with little piles of books, papers, and bottles here and there. Lavi decided to do some 'cleaning' and freed some space where he can set up a chair and Alice could walk around. He didn't want to look weird because she missed her footing on some stray vial.

Just then, a thought occurred to Lavi. Living in this mansion for almost four months, he could have easily fallen for Alice instead of Kanda. He stared at his reflection, thinking why he hadn't considered the possibility before now. She was older but still she was pretty and kind. She was very nice to him and Kanda too, not to mention her cooking was absolutely amazing. Had he been a little saner, things wouldn't be so complicated. No. Alice to him was an older sister, a confidante and a friend. Lavi wouldn't think of having a relationship with his sister.

The door suddenly opened and he turned to it with a smile. His smile vanished. The heavy wooden door was ajar but no one was there.

"Alice?" he called and walked towards it. He opened it wide to look at the halls. Empty. "Alice!" he called again.

His voice was cut off by the sudden sound of glass shattering. When Lavi turned to the room again, he spotted one of the vials lying broken on the floor. The purple liquid ran in a shapeless pool and Lavi cursed. He felt no wind.

And then he saw something, _someone_, sitting in the middle of the room where he had placed a chair. Long black hair hung loose from this person who was facing the window, hiding the face from view.

"Yu?" Lavi asked uncertainly but the figure did not move. The air seemed to have gotten heavy around him and he was feeling a chill run up his spine. Even as he cautiously approached the center of the room, he knew something was wrong. All sense was telling him to run but he couldn't.

"How rude of you… to address him so familiarly."

The voice was scratchy and low but was unmistakably a woman's. Lavi's heart was banging loudly against his chest but tried to stay calm and walk back to the door. It snapped shut.

"Going somewhere?"

Lavi could not answer. He opened his mouth but no sound came out. He could only stare horrified as the figure rose slowly, slightly twitching oddly that it made his skin crawl.

"Wh-Who… are you?" he managed to choke out and he flinched when laughter suddenly rang in the air.

"You don't know me boy," she said and started to turn. There was something eerily cold and harsh about her voice, something that made Lavi thought of death. "But I know you… _Lavi_…"

He couldn't do anything but watch as the horrible image unfold before him. Her head was bowed down, _hanging_ at an awkward angle so he still couldn't see her face. Her dress was soiled with dirt, dust, and dried blood.

"Scared are you, boy?" she mocked him as she made her slow, grotesque steps towards him.

Lavi shouldn't believe what was happening. He had once told himself that he wouldn't believe anything he couldn't see. _Those are not empirically observable._ Yet here before him was a creature that he was quite sure was not like him. As she got closer, he was able to smell her and she reeked of rotting and death. She laughed again but without humor. It was too real and it terrified him.

"You are ruining everything!" she told her angrily and Lavi flinched again.

She stopped in front of him and his knees gave. Lavi sat pathetically on the floor while the figure loomed over him. A pale, bony hand slid from her long sleeves and reached out for him, grabbing his collar and pulling him up with inhuman strength. Higher and higher he went until he could no longer feel the floor against his feet. He hung like a doll in the air.

"You are ruining everything!" she said and raised her other hand.

Lavi paled when he saw a dagger gleaming in the afternoon light. "No," he breathed in panic and raised his hands to shield himself.

"YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING!"

There was a flash and a force so strong before Lavi felt his back slam against the wall. He was standing again and when he opened his eyes, his blood ran cold. She was still there, staring at him through familiar icy eyes and blood all over her face. Her hand was extended to the side and he followed it. The dagger had been stabbed through his right hand, pinning him against the wall; his blood running down from the wound and onto the floor.

"Doctor Lavi!"

Lavi jerked and he found himself opening his eyes for the second time. He was standing in front of the dresser, staring at the mirror while his hands pressed against the smooth surface. It took him some minutes to register Alice voice calling him frantically. She pulled him away from the dresser and dragged him to the chair.

"What happened?" she asked worriedly.

Lavi realized he was shaking so hard as he looked around the room. The creature was no longer there.

"Doctor? Please answer me," Alice said, clutching his face. "What is happening?"

He blinked. "I… I'm… There was a… " he mumbled. He glanced wearily at his bed and then at the door, half-expecting the woman to jump out and slash him to death.

"There's nothing here," she told him. "It's okay. There's nothing here," she said over and over again.

Lavi pulled away from her, regaining some of his composure. "I'm fine. I just… just…"

"What is it?" she asked patiently.

"Alice, I think I was attacked," he told her. "There was a woman… I think she was dead. She told me I was ruining everything."

"I saw no one here, doctor," she told him.

"She was here! She broke my vial and then attacked—" Lavi froze midway when he saw the floor, clean and dry. "No…" he muttered standing up. "It was right here! She smashed the vial here!" he said pointing on the floor almost angrily.

"There was nothing there," she said.

Lavi was stunned. Alice was right, there was nothing there. His knees gave again and he slumped down.

"Please sir, calm down," she said worriedly. "Stay here. I'll bring you some water."

Lavi nodded weakly, not hearing when she went out the room. The woman was here, he was sure of it. He didn't understand how she got in or why she suddenly vanished but she was real. He was about to bury his face in his hands when he caught sight of blood. There, in the middle of his palm was a wound, fresh and open but not bleeding.

* * *

><p>Author's note: I'm sorry this took so long. I've been busy with work and A Clash of Kings so there was not much time for writing. And I've been trying to login yesterday and just can't. was down I think... Anyway, thanks for reading and giving great reviews. Please give me your thoughts after reading. Onegaishimasu!<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own D Gray Man. I don't make any money from writing this. Please don't sue!

Warning: Yaoi themes. Language. Unbeta-edness.

* * *

><p><strong>Insomnia: Chapter 7 (Deeper)<strong>

When the doctor did not come in to visit his room for his morning check up, Kanda decided not to wait. He put on his coat and boots, saddled his horse, and rode out to the fields. Construction of the new irrigation system had started and he wanted to personally see that it was built properly so he went almost every day. Things were running smoothly for the most part but Kanda thought it wouldn't hurt to be sure, especially since Jon the engineer still had some things to say about the new plan of the irrigation system.

He reached the mansion around noon, feeling hungry and tired. He untied the basket of fresh fruits and flowers the girls had given him for the day, thinking of when they will grow tired of doing such things. Alice served him a late lunch and Kanda spent the rest of his day training with his katana in the garden. He had been feeling more energetic these days, particularly after training and he liked it. His every swing and thrust of the deadly blade renewed his strength. Soon he was sweating and he wished there was someone he could spar with. When he was done, he washed himself and went down to the dining hall.

Kanda had forgotten about Lavi until he saw his doctor at the dinner table for the first time that day and he was surprised. Lavi was pale and looked tired. The doctor attempted to smile when he caught sight of Kanda as he sat himself at the head of the table but it was plain that it took him effort. The usual spark in his green eye was missing and Kanda found himself wondering.

"What the hell happened to you?" Kanda asked bluntly.

Lavi sighed and shook his head. "Nothing. Just… tired I guess."

Kanda saw right through the lie but decided not to care. "You should visit the site tomorrow when I go. Jon needs your opinion on some things."

"Did he ask for me or did you tell him to get my opinion?" Lavi asked.

"I told him I'll bury his head in the mud if he fucks up because he wouldn't admit his incompetence," Kanda told him. "He hates you, you know, for suggesting that triple dam idea."

"He should hate his lack of creativity," Lavi said with a faint smirk and Kanda was somehow relieved. "All I did was help him. He should be grateful."

Alice brought out food to the table and loaded their plates. Kanda immediately started on the stew and helped himself to the meat pies. He had favored Japanese food for the longest time but her cooking was beginning to sway him to the other side. He had finished his slice of pie in an instant and was about to get one more when he noticed the doctor again.

Lavi was poking at his food, his eye unfocused and weary. Kanda suddenly wondered if the doctor was sick. He wouldn't be surprised if the idiot suddenly turned into an insomniac himself without him knowing. He just seemed like that kind of person.

"Is the food not to your liking, sir?" Alice asked suddenly. He wasn't the only one who noticed Lavi's queer behavior.

Lavi immediately smiled. "Everthing's great. Just not that hungry is all…"

Kanda glared at the doctor while Alice nodded.

"Don't push yourself too hard, sir," she said. "You've been working too much. My pardon but it's showing on you."

Lavi shook his head. "Don't cha worry about me. I'll be fine." He turned to Kanda and said, "I'm sorry Yu but, may I be excused?"

The doctor didn't wait for the respond though. Kanda watched as he rose from his seat, bowed curtly and headed upstairs. Something about Lavi's quiet footsteps and painfully obvious lies and fake smiles irked Kanda more than it should. He knew perfectly well that something was wrong but what grated on his nerves more was that Lavi was trying to act like there was nothing. What even irritated Kanda more than _that,_ was the fact that it was bothering him when it wasn't his business.

"Tch," he muttered angrily as he sliced his food, imagining Lavi's head rolling off instead of a bite-sized pastry.

* * *

><p>No matter how hungry he knew his body must have been, Lavi just couldn't stomach his food. He found his appetite was nonexistent at the moment and that he looked like a sickly hobo too so he excused himself quickly from Kanda's observing eyes. <em>Those icy eyes.<em> He had found those orbs mysterious and beautiful but they now hint fear and death to him.

Was it really Kanda's mother he had seen in this very room? Lavi found himself thinking and thinking about the woman who attacked him. There was no question in his mind about her being real or not. The dagger wound on his hand had proved that much at least, but, who else would believe him? He was the only one who saw her, as ridiculous as it was, but he definitely _saw._ Alice would believe him if he talked to her again, surely, but why should he tell her?

It's because of the witchcraft stuff she had told him about and reading the strange book. But then again, it wouldn't have mattered if he hadn't heard or read about witchcraft.

"She was here," Lavi said aloud, firmly, as if to scold himself for asking again and again whether it was real or not.

Supposing the woman really had been a ghost, why would he get angry with him? Why would Kanda's mother stab his hand through when all he did was help her son? Lavi clearly remembered Alice saying that the woman had loved her son dearly.

_Yet she offered his life force for some spell._

The implication of that statement made his head ache. The dead Mrs. Kanda would be haunting the walls of the mansion for Lavi's blood for sure. The thought had never left his mind ever since the horrible encounter. He felt scared, watched, as if eyes were following him wherever he went, waiting for one vulnerable moment to strike cold. It made Lavi look behind him as he walked, half-expecting to see her again. When he faced front again, he also expected her there. Just before he entered the room, he had kicked the door wide open to check and make sure it was empty.

He wasn't even sure why he was still there, lying on the bed like a sitting duck. Had it been months ago, he would have had done the most logical thing: leave the mansion. But Lavi couldn't do that now even if he was scared shitless by the last encounter. The thought of another one like that gave him dreadful images in his head but ultimately… no. He won't leave. If the ghost came out at this moment holding out the dagger and went chasing after him until he went out of the doors, he'd just come back.

_Look at you, thinking of self-sacrifice and heroism and ghosts._

Lavi shook his head. If he managed to keep Kanda's recovery going, Lavi would probably end up dead. Supernatural or not, it was a logical train of thought and not an appealing one at that. Even if he was scared, he was decided and he knew what he wanted. Lavi wanted Kanda to live. Lavi didn't want to die. He had to have _both_.

"I have to tell someone," he said to the wall. He got up and went out the room in search of the maid.

* * *

><p>The communal type bath was one of the few parts of the house where the Kandas' Japanese roots were apparent. Yu had always liked the bathroom's spacious tub, a little smaller than the traditional bath but still big enough for at least three grown men. The floor was tiled in mostly white with occasional different colored tiles here and there, while the walls were of smooth, big, dark rocks cemented together. Small windows in the ceiling provided light in the room but as it was night time, Kanda had lighted some candles.<p>

The hot water felt good against his skin, the heat melting the aches of his muscles away and soothing his mind. He almost felt sleepy. _Almost_.

Kanda raised his arm to gather his loose hair to his left shoulder. He reached the back of his neck and gave it a massage of sort. He sighed before pouring water over his head with his hands. He felt the warm drops trickle nicely against his scalp. He watched some of the water drip from his hair and sighed again.

Unconsciously, his fingers found the darkened skin of his chest, feeling it and almost expecting to trace the lines. And there _were_ lines now. Kanda remembered how it used to look like a big bruise but now there was no mistaking it. The lines were blurry but they formed a strange pattern that Kanda had never seen before. It had been just three days ago that he realized it was getting darker and clearer every passing day, initially thinking that it was just his eyes playing tricks on him until the definition of black against his skin was unmistakable.

Kanda didn't know if he should be worried or not. He felt better than ever in a long time. He was back to his training, tending to his father's business, riding, and even building a dam. There was no sign of him getting worse. Lavi may be right afterall and he really won't die. Nevertheless, Kanda couldn't shake off the feeling that something wasn't right.

Maybe it had been so long since he had felt so healthy and he wasn't used to it now. Maybe that was it?

No. He couldn't put a finger on it but Kanda was certain it was something out of place at least.

And then there was his doctor and his terrible skills at pretending like all was fine and dandy. Kanda found himself frowning in annoyance as he remembered the way Lavi's face had looked at dinner, how pale and morose it had seemed, and the way he had excused himself as if he had cared for such courtesies with him before. He had always wanted some quiet from the doctor's loud mouth but he never thought how it would actually be. Kanda wanted to shake Lavi and beat him hard into his old self.

Kanda kicked from under the water and gave the drops a swift punch. "Tch"

* * *

><p>"I believe you."<p>

Alice's face said she really did but there was also something else. Lavi wasn't sure what it was but he was relieved to find that he was right in telling her. Someone believed him. Even if he knew that the maid must be biased as she had always been a believer of the supernatural, it still gave him comfort to know that he had told the story to someone else and wasn't told to get his head checked. Because Lavi was _not_ crazy.

"She said I was ruining everything, you know? What the hell does that even mean?" he added frustrated. He had recounted to her how the ghost had driven a dagger through his palm and showed the scar it left behind.

Alice placed a warm cup of tea in front of him. "My lady had cursed his son," she said quietly.

Oh yeah, Lavi almost forgot that part. "I will take no part in the murder of his son," he announced.

She was thoughtful for a moment before she retook the seat opposite him. "Maybe she wasn't asking you to, sir. I don't mean to scare you but what she did and said… I think it's a threat, sir."

"I figured that much," Lavi laughed bitterly and took a sip of the tea.

Alice shook her head. "You shouldn't take this lightly, doctor. Magic like that can do all sorts of harm to the living."

He wasn't taking it lightly and he wanted to say that but instead, he shook his head. "That's what I came for," Lavi said. "This _thing_, I know it might come again. At least while I'm here to help Kanda, but I don't want to die. Alice, do you know how to help me?"

She shifted uneasily. "What do you mean, sir?"

"Do you know how to do witchcraft?" Lavi asked.

She avoided his gaze. "All the people in this town know a thing or two about magic as I do. I admit I was interested in the craft but my mother, she told me to stay away from it."

"Please, Alice," Lavi pleaded, "the way I see it, I can either leave the mansion and let Kanda waste away, or stay and be killed by that woman."

Alice looked like she was thinking hard about something. "Then you should leave, sir. I cannot hope to have two deaths happen—"

"Two deaths?" Lavi cut in. "What do you mean by that?"

She closed her eyes guiltily. "I was wrong. I thought the young master will get better but if the curse will take you too, then I'm not so sure anymore."

He suddenly felt angry. "So you're telling me to run?"

Alice considered for a moment and then nodded.

Lavi didn't want to believe that it had to end like that. Surely, there was another way. Maybe there were witches in town who would help him. Maybe he should take Kanda and leave the mansion. "Then I'll take Kanda with me," he said suddenly.

"You can't do that!" Alice said at once, looking horrified.

"Why not?"

"Ba-Bad things happen to people who anger the spirits. Master Kanda leaving won't stop the curse from following him," she said, shaking her head. "And doing things more terrible…"

Lavi sighed. The situation was starting to piss him off. This was why he didn't believe the supernatural, the so called 'unexplained.' He hated things that made no sense, well, _unexplained_. For he was a person who observed and learned and predicted and planned, it didn't sit well with him that some things were not meant to be understood.

"You love him, don't you?"

She was looking at him now, smiling sadly and he was taken aback. Lavi couldn't answer the question and she gently stroked his cheek like she understood. "I've seen you from the first day I came here. I saw the way you looked at him then and the way you look at him now. You've changed, doctor."

"I won't say I love him… attracted may be, yes, but not in love."

She just smiled wider. "You are smart, sir, but I see that there are some things that you miss."

Lavi returned her smile. "If I were in love, I think I would know."

"Ah, but matters of the heart are often missed by the mind," she said. "Or not. Tell me sir, why are you still here in the mansion even though you think a ghost might attack you?"

_Exactly._ Lavi thought, hearing the exact same question he had asked himself not so long ago.

"I'll… answer that if you answer the question I asked you. Can you do witchcraft or not?"

She released his face, the troubled look back on her features. "A little, though my magic has no hope of lifting a curse."

Lavi smiled. "Then you'll find a spell or something that will help me. I think I might have seen some in the lady's own book."

"I cannot promise you anything but I'll try," she said.

"That's all I ask of you." Lavi stood and made his way to the kitchen door.

"You do love him," Alice said.

He bowed at her and bade her good night.

* * *

><p>Kanda was flexing his arms and stretching his neck to loosen up the somewhat tensed muscles when he heard the familiar knock and his doctor walked in his room like he had done countless times. The footsteps fell silently on the carpeted floor but not without faint thuds that told him where his doctor was without looking. A chair was dragged to his bedside and then came the sounds of leather, glass, metals, and breathing. He hadn't really expected Lavi to come tonight after how he had acted earlier at dinner. He didn't show it but he was pleased to see him. Kanda didn't want to spend the night tossing and turning wide awake.<p>

"How are you feeling?" Lavi's customary question came.

"Fine. My neck and arms feel a little worked up but it's fine. Probably because of all the work I've been doing," he answered, noticing the tired look on the doctor's face.

Lavi nodded and unloaded his instruments from the bag. "Extend your arm for me," he said holding out his own hands.

Kanda quirked an eyebrow but did what he was told not without a 'tch.' Lavi ignored him and turned his palms up, squeezing a little. The slightest flinch didn't go unnoticed and the doctor lifted the sleeves up to examine it more closely.

"You look like you're the one who is sick," Kanda voiced out.

Lavi's gaze lingered on his arms before meeting his. _Bruises?_ "I didn't know you care."

Kanda snorted. "Tch. I don't. I just think it would be troublesome if I'm keeping a useless idiot in my house."

"I'm just tired," Lavi said again.

"I just told you, I _don't_ care," he said. "If you're going to keep up this act, at least look the part. I feel insulted when people tell me something that is obviously a lie."

"Then I'm not okay. Happy now?" Lavi released his hands before going back to his bag. He started rummaging in it. "Did you love your mother?"

The question caught him off guard. "What?" He had a feeling that it was the other's way of diverting the topic.

"Your _haha_, did you love her?" Lavi repeated.

"What's with that? Why are you asking about my mother again?" he said ignoring the doctor's use of his native language.

"Just curious," the redhead said with a shrug. "And just so you know, I'll be asking if you feel affection for you _chichi_ next."

He couldn't hide the annoyance from his voice. "I told you I barely remember my mother. And my father… I last saw him years ago. He's back in Japan. We've never really been close but it's fine."

"So you're apathetic to them?"

"Maybe. I don't know. I don't think about them."

Kanda found it odd that the other was asking him about his parents but thinking about it, he decided he shouldn't really be surprised. Lavi was very unpredictable. It was just like him to strike up a conversation about random topics such as that, even those that the other people might consider sensitive ones. Along the way, he felt like he learned to get used to it or grown tired of caring. "And how do you feel about _your_ parents?"

The doctor sat up and smirked at him. "We're the same, in a sense I guess. I never knew them so I never really think about them either."

Kanda vaguely nodded. He understood of course. It made sense that you'd never love or hate something that you never knew. He wasn't sentimental to even ask himself hypothetical questions and 'what if's' as those things never really help. Still, it surprised him to find out that such a bright and happy person had known no parents.

"You really want to know what's troubling me?" Lavi asked suddenly.

He thought for a moment. Did he? Kanda was curious but it felt like such a bother to probe. Besides, the fool might mistake his curiosity for concern.

Lavi sighed. "I was alone in my room yesterday. And I… I felt like there was something wrong. I sat there waiting for Alice to come back with the scissors she used to cut my hair when I realized that…"

Kanda glared at him. "What?"

Lavi grinned widely. "I feel so alone. It's been months and I haven't really been attending to my, uh, _manly _needs."

Kanda's eyes were icy. "Why am I even talking to you?"

"You asked."

"And you mock me."

"The truth mocks you?"

"There's no way that that's the truth!"

"Well it is."

"You look dead because you're _horny_?"

"I would have phrased it that way had I not thought of saving you the embarrassment."

"Tell me you did not touch the maid or I swear—"

"No harm was done to sweet Alice. She's twenty-seven, did you know that?"

"Twenty—what?"

"Exactly. I thought she was younger than both of us!"

"I didn't mean that."

"Then what?"

"Her age is of no importance. Keep your hands off her."

"I just told you, my hands _are_ off."

"Why do I have trouble believing that?"

"Good question. Especially since you havne't even seen what my hands can do…"

"Stop talking."

"Why? It's not like you're trying to sleep anyway."

"Tch"

Lavi grinned. Getting a rise out of his patient made him feel better. Seeing the other act so refined and driving him into cursing and threatening people brought him satisfaction, that he knew. But maybe it was because the longest conversations they had were arguments. Empty threats here, insults there, Lavi could take them all in like meat pie. He _enjoyed_ them.

Kanda let his head drop back to the pillow. "Enjoying your patient's misery, aren't you?"

He couldn't help but chuckle. "I don't understand."

His patient didn't bother responding to that. He was learning, Lavi thought. "But seriously, that's the truth. I feel off because of it… and then there's the matter of the ghost that attempted to kill me in my chambers."

"How about the old witch of the forest or… the fucking king of dead humor, do they frighten you too?"

"Not as much," Lavi found himself saying.

Kanda smirked. "My father is the king of dead humor."

"Are we sharing life stories now?"

"No, we're sharing shit."

Lavi laughed. "Alright, but I really am not afraid of your father. Your mother though…"

"Is dead," Kanda said. "And here's more shit. Alice is a fantastic hair dresser."

He scowled. "That's low."

"I try."

"I think it's effortless."

"You'll get more of it if you don't stop asking stupid questions."

Silence fell but not really because he was afraid to break it by asking another question. It stretched easily until another thought occurred in Lavi's head. Feeling bold, he asked, "Say Yu, did you enjoy our kiss?"

Kanda's face was red in an instant. "You're not supposed to ask anymore questions. You aren't even supposed to _talk_ about that anymore." Something must be really wrong in that red head if he thought it was okay ask about _that_.

"Why not? It happened and we are both adults so we can talk about it. It's a fair question," he reasoned.

"We will not talk about it," Kanda said firmly. "And shut the fuck up already."

"You know what not talking does?" he asked his patient. When Kanda did not reply, he continued. "It hinders exchange of information. It stops discussion. When there is no discussion, people will be welcoming ideas of their own… whatever they want or fancy."

Kanda glared at him. "I don't care what you think."

"Then I'll tell you what I think. I think you enjoyed every second of it and you can't wait to have more," Lavi told him.

"Just…" Kanda snapped, clearly getting angrier by the second. He sat up and faced Lavi. "Why the hell do you want to talk about it? Fine! It was a stupid, disgusting, mistake. It wasn't supposed to happen. We both know it wasn't supposed to happen. There, we've talked about it."

He couldn't tell what the emotion was behind the look on his doctor's face as he stared him down. A single eye was all it took to unnerve him, returning his gaze in a way that also angered him. "Stop looking at me like that."

Lavi's face was blank. "You're right. I never intended for it happen. _But it did_. Maybe to you it was a mistake but to me… Don't insult it."

He looked away.

"Are you ashamed?"

He said nothing.

"Please answer, Yu."

He ignored him.

Lavi sighed. "Then you leave me no choice. Unless you answer, I shall ask you something in return for putting you to sleep tonight."

That caught Kanda's attention. "And what do you want?"

His doctor smirked. "A kiss."

Before he knew it, Kanda had found himself rising, grabbing the doctor by the collar, and sending him several steps away from the bed with his fist. Lavi landed on his back on the floor and he followed suit, straddling him on abdomen and giving him another punch on the face.

"You insolent, _arrogant_ fool!" he spat.

Never in Kanda's life had he met a person who had the guts to say such things to him and Lavi had tested his patience countless times. The other times that the redhead had angered him and had somehow gotten away with it caught up with him. Kanda was not a person to mess with. Not by _anyone_. Anger pounded against the bones of his skull and he felt like hurting the bastard would be the only way to relieve him. The small voice that had been containing him and preventing him from acting out purely on his rage told him to stop but he ignored it easily.

"Now I'm confused. Is it because I'm a guy or are you just asexual?" the bastard had the gall to say more.

He hated that Lavi was so damn fearless. Anyone would have pissed his pants right now had they seen the rage in Kanda's eyes but Lavi… "Tch," Kanda muttered and grabbed the doctor again by the collar. "You will stop talking. Right. Now."

His hands were shaking in rage as they clutched the material of the doctor's shirt. His breathing was ragged and noisy against the other's face. Lavi simply stared at him. Why must this person be so arrogant? Why must he be so fearless? Why…

"Go ahead," Lavi said. "Do it. Punch me again. I won't fight. I just want to _talk_."

The grip on the shirt tightened and Kanda pulled him up closer to his face. He was angrier than he ever felt before yet he just sat there, staring back at the lone green eye, paralyzed almost.

Lavi touched his hands gently. "You know your punches won't hurt me."

That may be right, Kanda realized. The other was reading him like a book and his anger flared more. Still he made no move. The hands on his were warm but he didn't like the feel of them.

"I understand now," Lavi told him. "You need not answer anymore."

Lavi disentangled his fingers from his collar and gently pushed him off his body. Kanda felt the beginnings of calm slowly quench his anger and he sat on the floor wondering what the hell was happening to him. He blinked when he saw Lavi's hand extended to him and he shook his head, picking himself up off the floor and walking over to his bed. He sat down on the mattress and by then he felt too tired to think or to be angry.

"You should rest now," was the only warning he got before familiar arms slid from behind and wrapped around him and he gave in. He wanted to sleep so that he won't have to think about Lavi and his arrogance, or their kiss, or why he kept letting the fool win. The other pulled him back to his chest and he gave in to that too, closing his eyes and trying to ignore the soft rise and fall of the doctor's chest against his back and the hand that gently brushed his forehead to keep off stray black locks.

It was always peaceful and calm whenever he was at the verge of falling asleep, a feeling he yearned for so long and he had now come to love. He hated it when the nightmares started but now that they're gone, he loved it again. His eyes were getting heavy. "Hey," he said.

"Hnm?" Lavi asked.

"It's not over," he told him sleepily. "I'll punch your face in when I wake up… and I hate that… _thing_ that happened. It will never…"

Darkness consumed him not long after and Kanda was falling deeper.

* * *

><p>The pot of water boiled turning into a shade of blue and then green to red before finally settling to a muddy brown color. She stirred it three times in a clockwise motion and muttered a string of words in whisper, barely audible over the loud murky bubbles forming and popping. When she finished, Alice looked over her concoction nervously. She frowned at the color and considered pouring it down the sink. That won't do. Ingredients were scarce and the time… scarcer. That's what made witchcraft different from cooking, <em>timing<em>.

She felt the pocket under the folds of her apron and pulled out a small woolen bag. The smell coming from the pot was acidic and it hurt her lungs to breathe. She quickly opened the bag and turned it over the pot. Thin red strands gently fell onto the muddy surface of her creation and she watched them catch flames and turn into ash.

As soon as the ashes touch the liquid, the murky colors begin to dissolve. Her eyes widened when the last of the ugly color disappeared and all that was left was clear, scentless liquid.

"It worked…" she said. She gave a nervous smile.

* * *

><p><em>Day 96<em>

_Patient has shown drastic improvements despite discontinuation of narcotics use. Experimental variable was being administered instead. Patient gets average of seven hours of sleep a day after week 4. Vital signs are stable. Appetite, strength, and stamina have markedly improved. _

_Patient has gone back to former daily routine that includes working in the fields, horseback riding, and katana wielding practice. _

Lavi reread what he has written on his daily medical log so far and he scoffed at the words 'experimental variable.' He didn't know what to call what he was giving his patient. It was technically a hug but that hardly sounded medical at all. He had considered calling it 'therapeutic hug,' 'tactile stimulus,' '_specific_ tactile stimulus,' 'wonder drug,' and lots of other ridiculous sounding things but he crossed them all out. He had settled with calling it a variable, an experimental one in truth hence the name.

He dipped his quill back into his ink bottle before writing again only to find out that the he had ran out of ink. Lavi sighed in annoyance as he put down his quill on the table before going over to his bag and fishing a fresh bottle. The said bag was sitting near the foot of his bed and he groaned. He didn't know any other way to obtain the ink bottle so he forced himself to go over and rummage.

"What?" he muttered when he got back to his seat. His quill was missing.

Lavi looked under his table and checked the drawers just in case but he didn't find it. He frowned. He was quite sure he left it by the log he was writing.

A sudden chill went through him and he looked around the room nervously. When he saw nothing, he wasted no time and darted for the door. He spent the rest of the day in the library and the next with Kanda in town. He almost forgot about the missing quill when he found it lying on his bed five days after he lost it.

Since then, Lavi noted that some of his things had gone missing. Random objects like a vial, other quills, and even ties had gone missing only to be discovered in plain sight in his room. He became weary at first, expecting another dreadful encounter with Kanda's mother but she didn't appear. His stuff continued to go missing and came back that he didn't bother with it anymore. It's almost as if someone was playing a game with him.

"Did you clean my room yesterday?" he had asked Alice once when he discovered one of his medical bags missing.

Alice shrugged before putting down the vase she was dusting. "I haven't, sir. My apologies but the young master told me to cook quite a lot of food for the men working to build the dam so I haven't got the time. Do you need anything cleaned now, sir? I'll see to it immediately."

"No," he said shaking his head. "I just… some stuff are missing, that's all."

"Missing?" she repeated curiously.

"One of those black bags where I keep medicine. I can't find it since yesterday."

"I've seen those before," she said with a slight nod, "but I have no idea where it is now. I never touch your bags, or logs, or bottles, I swear it."

Lavi couldn't think of a reason why Alice would take it anyway. The bag was filled with unlabelled glass bottles and vials of different substances that would be of no use to anyone who wasn't a doctor. In fact, the only doctor who would be able to make sense of the havoc inside the said bag was Lavi. "Maybe I just misplaced it," he said dismissively, half thinking that such a thing would be impossible given how flawless his memory was.

"If that is so, I'll keep an eye out for it sir. I'll inform you immediately when I find it."

"Thanks," he told her.

It wasn't until the third day that lavi found the missing bag under his bed. He checked the contents and found nothing missing. Had he not have the kind of memory that he have, he might have thought that he had just accidentally kicked the bag. But he didn't and he knew exactly where he left it.

Lavi didn't find it amusing and after some time, he decided it wasn't scary either. Kanda's mother had proven that he could hurt Lavi if she wanted but he couldn't picture the creepy woman sneaking into his room to hide quills under his pillow. She would stick them into his eye, more likely.

So when Lavi spotted yet another one of his missing things (a sock), he sighed and just picked it up from the hallway. He had just put his patient to sleep and was about to go back to his own room when it caught his eye. The sock was old and thinning on areas but was still usable. He raised it up near the window to let the remaining sunlight shine on it to see if any damage was made and lightly brushed it with his fingers before shoving it down his coat pocket. He wondered if this thing would stop if he just ignored it.

Just then, a shadow swiftly passed his peripheral vision. He looked up just in time to catch a glimpse of black hair disappear around the corner at the end of the hallway. Fear instantly filled his chest and almost paralyzed him. Almost. He lifted his foot and made step forward, and then another and another, and he was walking down the hall quietly and nervously, following whatever it was he saw. When he reached the corner, he peeked out the hallway and his eyes widened. He let out a sigh of relief.

"Yu, you scared me," he said.

Kanda was standing in the middle of the hallway, his back facing Lavi. The doctor wondered why his patient woke up. Kanda didn't make any indication that he heard Lavi and instead, he suddenly fell on his knees.

"Hey," Lavi said and rushed forward to put his arms around the Japanese. His hands went through.

Lavi felt the exact moment his heart stopped. The queer, unexpected lightness in his hands seemed like a terrible cloud of nothingness. As if finally taking notice of him, Kanda turned to face him and Lavi's blood ran cold. Bruises on the forehead, eye, cheek and other areas tainted the skin he had known to be flawless. A mixture of dried and fresh blood had built up at the corner of a busted lip.

"What…" Lavi began but then the other leaned in to his ear, breathed a quick word and ran off.

Lavi had been too shocked to move but soon regained some of his wits. He placed a shaking hand against the wall and pulled himself up. The hallway was darker now. He had no idea where to look for his patient and at the thought of him, Lavi felt light-headed. He wasn't sure about what he just saw anymore.

This mansion was fucking with his mind. He had been stripped of his beliefs, logic, and even his ground and then they were thrown out the window. He couldn't tell what real anymore.

_Light. I need light…_

He felt his way back to Kanda's room. There was no moon tonight, nor were there stars but silvery light revealed enough of the hallway to see, like a reminder of how the heavenly bodies still existed behind the clouds. He opened Kanda's door and there found on the bed yet another confusion. Kanda Yu was fast asleep where Lavi had left him.

_Doesn't make sense… I don't understand…._

He pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming before walking up the bed and examining the sleeping face. He touched the skin around the eye and cheeks where he perfectly remembered bruised. He then softly placed his fingers against the supposed busted lip. Was it a hallucination? Another trick outside what he understood?

"Tasu… kete," Lavi muttered and sat down next to Kanda. "What do you need help for?"

* * *

><p>Author's note: Oh no… I'm afraid some of you will start to piece things together after this. That takes out the fun but I can't manage anymore mystery. Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews and the alerts and the favorites. I really appreciate them. They keep me writing too! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own D Gray Man. I don't make any money from writing this. Please don't sue!

Warning: Yaoi themes. Language. Unbeta-edness.

* * *

><p><strong>Insomnia: Chapter 8 (Invisible)<strong>

_His throat was parched. The loud sound of his breathing and steps against the floor were all that he could hear. It was dark and he could barely see where he was going or whether he ran past a table or was about to run straight into a wall. His feet carried him swiftly though he didn't have a destination in mind, yet he knew he shouldn't stop. Run, run, run, run. It was all his instinct was telling him. _

_He turned a corner and then another and then ran some more. His feet stopped in front of a familiar door that he just knew even in darkness, and he opened it. The room inside was as messy as it had always been and he found slight comfort in that. Closing the door behind him, he grabbed a chair and set it against the door. He locked it before sitting on the chair._

_Slowly, his breaths evened and the aches under his feet began. The pain on his wrists, back, thighs, and shoulders were coming back too. The taste of blood in his mouth became stronger. He sat there quietly in the dark, listening to his own heart pounding wildly against his chest. Above all else that he was feeling, fear was the most evident. It threatened to make his eyes water and crush the fight out of him but he held it at bay._

"_No," he told himself. "Tch."_

_Suddenly there were sounds, faint and almost inaudible but for his trained ears. He held his breath and closed his eyes, listening to the sound of shoes against floor getting louder and louder. A tear had made its way out of his eye without him realizing._

"_No, no, no, no…"_

Light assaulted Kanda's eyes as soon as he opened them. He placed an arm to shield them for a moment until they adjusted. The sight of his room and the morning melted the terrible remnants of his dream and he yawned, stretching his hands up before kicking the blankets off and getting up.

As he went through his morning routine, scenes from his dream flashed less and less. By the time Kanda was about to step out his door he had almost forgot that he had a nightmare if it wasn't for the vague sense of wariness that he couldn't shake off.

* * *

><p><em>I'm a doctor. I shouldn't be doing this.<em>

Lavi complained repeatedly in his head as he pulled the rope in sync with a dozen more men. Kanda stood beside him, holding the nearest end of the rope and shouting orders to 'pull,' 'hold,' go 'slower,' or 'harder.' The giant wooden planks hung halfway up their destination and Lavi thought they should go faster before a strong gust of wind knocks off the heavy planks and flatten them all.

"Pull harder!" Kanda yelled, seemingly sharing his concerns. The Japanese's ponytail whipped irritatingly against Lavi's face every time Kanda pulled but he didn't dare do anything but hold on to the rope.

The load slowly went higher, swinging a little but not enough to scare the men underneath who vigorously pulled and pulled. Kanda shouted 'hold!' when the wind picked up then commanded that they 'finish it and pull with everything they fucking got,' and just like that, the load reached its destination.

Lavi fell on the floor panting and sweating on the dirt with almost all of the others. He wiped off the moisture on his eye and caught sight of Kanda staring up at the top of the dam's initial foundations they were laying, one of the few who were still on their feet. He too was slick with sweat, face and clothes spotted with mud and sand but somehow, Kanda still managed to look elegant.

"That was the last of it," Jon's voice cut through Lavi's thoughts as the fat man came trudging towards Kanda. "We got to neaten up this ropes and send the men up to assemble the scaffolding but that's about it. We can fill the holes with rocks and sand bags in no time after that."

Kanda nodded looking pleased. "Good. Have the other men join those who are digging for the rest of the layers as soon as possible."

The reason why Kanda and Lavi had to pull the rope too was that Kanda had divided the men into groups assigned on different tasks and were working simultaneously. Kanda wanted to get as much work done as soon as possible before winter comes. The 'diggers' were the largest group since they needed to create channels to divert the water and weaken the rush.

Jon nodded while catching his breath. "Should I send William and the others now?"

"Have them eat lunch with their families first," Kanda told him, undoing the first two buttons of his shirt and then picked up the coat he had tossed aside before he had pulled the rope with his workers and his doctor.

"We shall resume work after that," the engineer said and walked away.

"What about us?" Lavi asked, still a little breathless.

Kanda looked like he had forgotten he was there when he stared down at the doctor. "We eat too," he told him.

Lavi sighed tiredly before picking himself up and following Kanda to where their horses were tied under a big tree on top of a hill overlooking the construction site. The shade and the gentle wind beneath the branches felt heavenly against Lavi's skin. He helped Kanda unload a small pack of food and drink from the saddle before sitting on the grass contentedly, enjoying the simple lunch and almost immediately emptying his water skin. He tried to hide the smirk on his face as he felt Kanda plop down beside him while downing the water from his skin.

"Bookman will never believe it if I told him that I helped you build your dam. With my _hands_," he told Kanda. His hands burned lightly from the friction of the rope and thick red lines marked them now. The old man couldn't even get him to neaten up a shelf.

Kanda's eyes watched the fields and the people below the hill eat and laugh. "It's not as if you have anything better to do at the mansion."

"Nope, I don't," he admitted and took a bite of his sandwich. "But that doesn't mean I want to do hard labor under the baking sun."

Kanda turned to him sullenly. "Oh, did I make you soil your clothes?" he asked in a mocking tone, eying Lavi's white shirt. Kanda himself was dressed even nicer than him but he showed no hesitation at tossing his coat or dirtying his pants and shirt when the task called for it.

"Oh I don't mind at all so long as I can help ya," Lavi answered with a grin. "I care so little that I may just lose this now," he said and proceeded to unbuttoning the said shirt and tossing it aside. Kanda's eye twitched and was about to unsheathe his katana when someone distracted him.

"Ehem"

Both Lavi and Kanda turned back and saw a girl standing by the tree trunk. She was holding a big basket in one hand and a pitcher on the other. Her cheeks were tinted red.

"Do you need something?" Kanda asked stiffly and the girl's cheeks burned brighter. Lavi awkwardly hung his shirt on a branch and sat back down beside him.

"I was just," she started meekly and paused. She stole a glance at Kanda and quickly averted her gaze to Lavi. Upon seeing the doctor's bare torso, she directed her eyes on the grass instead. "Food! A-And drink! I mean… from our family. Please enjoy them."

She looked panicky and was about to run off but Kanda stopped her. "Thank you," he told her. Don't mind the redhead. He's a doctor…"

Lavi knew that his patient was just being polite and nice but he thought it would have been kinder if he had just let the poor girl go. Not to mention she caught them while Lavi was making a move, which may be the reason she was embarrassed. It almost reminded him of Alice. She just shook her head in response to Kanda but managed to smile when she saw him bowing at her, and she blushed madly when he met her gaze. _Country girls,_ Lavi thought.

"You'll give the girl a heart attack if you keep looking at her like that," he said.

"What?" Kanda said as he glared at him.

He sighed. "I'm sorry," Lavi said turning to the girl, "Yu is not aware of what other people feel sometimes. Off you go then, sweet girl."

"Actually," the girl said, taking out a letter from her pocket, "a friend asked me to give this to Kanda-sama."

Lavi was quite sure the phrase 'off you go' meant 'get lost' even in this side of the country. He smiled despite himself. "Could it be? A love letter!" he made himself say and surprised himself at how genuine he had sounded.

"Tch," Kanda announced.

"_Letters_," she corrected him and showed that the envelope actually contained multiple pieces of papers. "There's one from almost all the girls in town. My friend collected them and put them in a single envelop so you won't be disturbed by a big crowd. We know you're very busy."

Lavi wanted nothing more than to snatch the paper and tear it to a thousand pieces but when he saw Kanda's face he couldn't help but laugh. Kanda looked like he couldn't decide if he was horrified, confused, or polite at the moment. His arms hung stiffly at his side, making no move to receive his letters.

"Yu is stunned by your kindness. He thanks each and every one who wrote him a letter!" Lavi said and received Kanda's letters for him. The boy was just helpless without him.

The girl looked uncertainly at Kanda but decided that his silence meant the doctor was right. "I-I shall tell them," she said and turned to Kanda again with a shy smile. "Your presence in town is always a welcoming sight, young master."

That, Lavi believed. His patient was anything but a ball of sunshine but his awkwardness, ineptness in socializing, and tough exterior were all part of his charm. A charm he wished he could cover with a piece of cloth whenever they rode out of the mansion.

The girl gave one last wave and walked downhill where Lavi spotted her waiting friends. They seemed very happy and excited as they huddled around their envoy, listening intently to her report while throwing glances at the top of the hill. Lavi waved cheerily at them and many of them waved back excitedly. He turned to Kanda and found him already back to his lunch, grumpily munching on the sandwich.

"There might be something good in the basket," Lavi told him as he resumed eating his lunch too.

Kanda shook his head. "I don't get it," he said and paused, looking like he was trying hard to phrase what was on his mind. He took his skin and swallowed several gulps of water. When Lavi gave him a questioning look, Kanda irritatingly said, "The gifts, the flowers, and now the letters. I don't get it. I mean I know they want to thank me and show respect and shit but must they do it every fucking time?"

Ah, Lavi almost forgot _this _side of his patient. "The first time they did it, they were thanking you," he told Kanda.

"So what are you saying? These are not thank you?" Kanda asked in a low voice, motioning at the basket and the letters.

"These," Lavi said mirroring Kanda's gesture, "are invitations to fuck them."

Kanda's mouth hung open but quickly recovered. "Sometimes you are really smart but most of the time, like right now, you're just a perverted retard."

"No, _you _are a clueless virgin," Lavi countered kindly and Kanda's hand was back to the hilt of his katana. "Do you honestly not see why they're acting that way?"

"Shut up. Of course I do! I just…" Kanda drifted off thinking. "I just think it's annoying. They should realize that telling me once is enough. If I'm… interested, I'd tell them. Make a move. Something."

Lavi raised his only eyebrow. "Really, Yu?"

"Do you take me for a girl?"

"I take you for someone whose most intimate relationship is that between him and his sword."

Kanda looked like a mixture of surprised and indignant. He opened his mouth to retort but no words came out. He opened it again just to close it. Lavi nodded understandingly at him. _At least he knew…_

"I never had the time," Kanda mumbled and absentmindedly chewed on his sandwich again. "I was sick for a long time… My insomnia was so bad."

"I'm not saying that it's your fault," Lavi said. "But now that you're healthy again, you should think about it."

Kanda snorted and threw the rest of his sandwich downhill. He reached for his skin and swallowed some water before shaking his head and saying, "I don't think so."

Lavi smirked and did the same to his food. "I'll take that as a challenge."

"What?" Kanda asked looking scandalized and spurted water down his shirt.

For a moment, Lavi was tempted to leave his patient hanging. "I might be able to find ya yer match," he said finally.

The other looked at him like the doctor was losing his mind and Lavi couldn't help but laugh. Kanda shook his head and rose, straightening his shirt and dusting off grass.

"Dumbass," he muttered to his shirt as he walked downhill, never looking back.

Lavi stayed at the hilltop some more, watching his patient and the other men work while the girls spied on them from a distance. A lot of them were pretty and young. If Kanda was the kind of person who would exploit his looks, he'd be living a very interesting life. But that wasn't something Lavi wanted to happen.

"Come on Yu, you're not that thick," he said as he drank more from his skin and watched him at work.

* * *

><p>The sun was halfway down and was burning the sky orange with its last rays of light. Lavi felt like his body was aching in all places, especially when his horse turned or jumped a little higher to avoid an obstacle. He glanced at Kanda beside him and the other was poised on his own horse with a straight back like he wasn't doing manual labor all day. Lavi sighed, thinking of what he did in town and how Kanda actually did more. He was hungry too and it made him think of the sandwich he had tossed away unfinished at the hilltop. Somehow, his appetite wasn't too good especially when he was around his patient but he was regretting it now. He would even eat the fruits from the town girls' basket if he had it.<p>

"I hope Alice roasted a cow or a dozen chickens for dinner. I'm starving," he mused aloud. The maid always had hot food waiting for them every time but he felt like he could eat a feast all by himself.

Kanda only spared him a glance and did not say anything. Lavi knew he was also tired and probably just as hungry. When they did enter the mansion gates, they hurriedly placed the horses back to the stable and made for the dining hall. As expected, Alice was there and dinner was ready.

"Kanda-sama, Dr. Lavi," she greeted. "Dinner is waiting."

Lavi did not need telling twice. Dinner was a blur and as he walked to his room, he had never felt so full and happy. He was very tempted to just fall on the bed and pass out but the sweat and dirt on his body was making him feel uncomfortable. With a lot of intrapersonal conversation with himself about hygiene (he can be very persuasive), he managed to get up and force his feet to take him to the baths.

The room was lightly covered by a thin cloud of steam but Lavi immediately saw a pleasant surprise and he smirked despite his battered muscles. "Hey Yu!"

On the other hand, his patient looked like he wasn't as happy to see him as he turned to face him. Kanda was in the middle of the communal tub, wearing nothing with his long black hair loose and wet. His eyes were narrowed slightly in annoyance but Lavi thought the other still looked amazing, especially when he could see the skin from his face down to his hips.

_Damn water._

He managed to smile. "Fancy meeting you here," Lavi went on and walked to the bench and started unbuttoning his shirt. As soon as Kanda saw this, he sunk-chest deep and faced the other side of the bath with a 'tch.'

_Oh no you don't, Yu_. Lavi made his way to the other side of the room and took off his shirt in front of his unwilling audience. He made sure to not look so deliberate even if the other probably knew that he was doing it on purpose. He picked up one of the wooden containers and tossed in his shirt. He could see Kanda in the corner of his eye looking horrified and extremely embarrassed.

"You're not getting in here while I'm here," Kanda told him as he sank deeper into the water.

Lavi just shrugged and started undoing the buttons of his pants. "It's a communal bath. There's space for you, me, and your farmers if they were here."

"This is my house," Kanda said, managing to keep his voice straight. "You will do as I say."

"Aww come on, Yu," he told his patient, feeling enormously happy and amused at the moment. "It's not like you're a girl… are you?"

Just like that and just as expected, Lavi knew the taunt eased Kanda a little and made him daring enough to allow him to stay, with the snort and the cocky smirk the other was wearing. Sometimes, Lavi thought it was too easy, but then he remembered that he'd walking on thin ice from then on with what he had in mind. He'd be either very happy or dead by the end of it.

"No, but I'm not dumb either. Set one finger in the water and I'll kill you," Kanda said.

"Are you sure about that?" Lavi asked as he gave the waistband of his pants a hard tug downward to reveal his right hipbone.

The smirk on Kanda's face was instantly gone and he visibly paled. "Don't you dare show me that thing!"

Lavi laughed and tugged the other side of his pants. "Thing? You call it a thing? You won't be calling it that… unappreciatively if you knew what it does aside from letting you pee."

"I know what it does!" Kanda protested, blushing lightly.

"Of course you do," Lavi said and shimmied out of his pants. The garment fell on the floor and he stepped out of it, looking completely apathetic as he gave his hair a light tousle. He felt a tiny bit nervous as he displayed everything for his patient to see but the expression on Kanda's face made up for it.

Kanda was determinedly staring at his face, too proud to turn away or cover his eyes. It was painful to see, really. Like someone was spraying acid on his eyes but he had lost his eye lids. Lavi grinned at him and he glared back, moving his eyes down and stopping at his chest, before going back to Lavi's face. "But I doubt you learned by experience. Do you even look at it? I suggest ya check out mine and compare later. Just to make sure you have the right one."

It looked like it was physically hurting Kanda to be so furious and not be able to destroy the thing that was causing it and in this case, it was his and Lavi's nakedness. What's more, the taunt and not so subtle jab at his manliness was grinding his gears. Unwilling to show his own body (which clearly, the redhead was provoking him to do), he silently fumed in the water regretting having chosen this time to take a bath and not bringing Mugen along.

"You are disgusting," Kanda told him.

"If you really hate seeing it that much, I can submerge it in water since there's a lot of space in there," Lavi replied calmly, motioning to the spot just beside Kanda. He wondered if he would be able to give him a sexy dance and get away with it. Not likely.

At that, Lavi was quite sure the water would start bubbling and evaporate at the swordsman's rage. "Stop toying with me," Kanda all but growled.

_You've brought it upon yourself_. Lavi shook his head and said, "I'm doing no such thing. This is a communal bath, we're both in need of baths, we're both men. I don't see why any of what I'm doing is toying with you."

Kanda didn't say anything other than 'tch.'

"Thank you," Lavi said and made his way into the water. _I love it when I'm right and I get others to see that._

The other tensed at their proximity but he ignored it, enjoying the warm water against his skin. This was one of the things he liked about this mansion. Not many bathrooms would supply him the excuse of bathing with the person he liked. He gave Kanda a toothy grin and went under briefly before resurfacing and finding Kanda's horrified expression directed at him.

"What?" he asked innocently, trying to look dumb. It was hard to do when the other was just three strides from him, stark naked as his name day. Even at this distance he could almost see the small droplets of water clinging onto the skin of Kanda's neck and chest. The marking on his chest had significantly became clearer, almost like a tattoo, and it showed really well on his patient's pale skin.

"Tch," Kanda told him and he understood. "You're just an annoying rabbit. I don't care anymore," he added with a shrug and turned his back on Lavi.

_Wrong move._ Lavi smirked and slowly made his way closer, barely making any ripples. Very soon he could almost touch Kanda's hair if he dared reach out. He stopped and started to splash the other with water.

Kanda was not amused. "THE FUCK ARE YOU—"

He was cut off by a storm of water hitting him in the face while he heard Lavi's obnoxious laughs. He raised his arms in an attempt to shield himself but Lavi was an octopus at the moment. His hair was dripping wet on his face but that at least protected him from some of the doctor's attacks.

"Take that! And that!" Lavi said as he continued his assault.

"TCH," Kanda replied, trying to be on the offensive. "You're acting like a stupid kid! Stop it this instant or I swear"

Lavi suddenly stopped, looking like he was just reading a book a few minutes ago and did not attempt to drown Kanda. "I forgot to tell you something," he announced.

Kanda sent as much water as he physically can with his bare hands to Lavi's face before asking, "What?"

"I got a letter this morning from the old panda," Lavi said, ignoring the water trailing down the sides of his face. "He'll be back soon."

Kanda nodded curtly, not seeing how sharing this information changed his doctor's mood.

"Look," Lavi said suddenly, "I haven't told him what I've been doing to help you sleep. I don't know how. I was going to observe more and investigate some more but gramps… he'd see the logic to it, however vague or unsure it is, but he will. I'm sure of it."

Kanda raised his gaze from the water. "And tell him what? That your fucking _hug_ gives me sleep? No. I told you no one can know about it. _No_ _one_."

Trust Kanda to prioritize his pride above all else. "Fine. But you do realize that he'd be sticking around for a while, right? It will be almost impossible to hide it from him."

"But not completely impossible," Kanda said firmly. "I cannot let him know that. Bookman-sensei means well but he is too… meddlesome. He might tell someone else. No, you will _not_ tell him."

Lavi didn't understand. He doubted the old man would spread things like that. And who could he possibly tell that would make Kanda's life harder than if he lost his only known remedy at the moment? However shameful he might think it was…

"You'll tell him you've been giving me some sort of drug or that I've regained my ability to fall asleep save for a few circumstances that you are still investigating. You're smart. Make something up," Kanda told him.

He still thought that leaving his old man in the dark was not a very good idea but the prospect of hiding the nature of Kanda's remedy seemed to have excited him, something akin to a secret forbidden something. Lavi smiled. He wasn't one to delude himself with such nonsense but the whole thing was planned by Kanda himself and he might as well enjoy it or get a beating trying to do otherwise.

"You're the boss," he told Kanda tersely.

"Good," Kanda said before climbing out of the bath and swiftly wrapping a towel around his waist. He had walked several steps towards the exit before he looked back and said, "Hurry up. I want to get some sleep."

Lavi stared at the door long after his patient was gone. The bath water was steamy and he might have just have one eye, but what he saw, he saw. And remembered. He was very good at remembering.

"Am I being toyed with?" he wondered aloud and let himself sink in the water.

* * *

><p>Construction of the dam halted for a week when heavy rains started pouring for hours in a day. The water battered their scaffoldings and turned the dirt into mud pools. The water level rose significantly that it just became impossible to even put the workers in their old spot to dig. Kanda had spent most of his time staring outside the windows, probably cursing the clouds for causing all the delays.<p>

"At least the fields will get water before the irrigation system is complete," Lavi had said the second night to try and console him. The samurai's mood was steadily turning sour the longer the rains fell.

"Tch," Kanda said as he paced in the room, ignoring him and the tea Alice had brought them while the rain battered his mansion windows.

Lavi gave up trying to lighten up the mood after that. He could see that his patent appreciated the silence more as he brooded on the wasted time. More letters came from Bookman since then, brought by rain-soaked messengers, all saying that he was just fixing things here and there and that he'd 'soon be finished and will be able to go back to the mansion.'

The following week was slightly better with less clouds and more sun but the fields were still muddy and the river overflowing. Kanda rode out to see just how much water the rain had left his fields and came back in a sour mood. Lavi tried to keep his noise at the minimum initially, but boredom told him it will kill him before Kanda's katana did.

"Have you read your letters yet?" Lavi asked suddenly one night while he waited in Kanda's room for his patient to tell him that he wanted to sleep. He had learned he needed to hang around for a bit or Kanda would get spooked. Every night. It was like he was introducing himself as a non-hostile presence every time the sun went down.

Kanda looked up from polishing his sword. "No."

"Why?" he pushed, feeling bored out of his wits and trying to ignore the gleam of the blade.

"Because I don't feel like it."

Lavi frowned. "There might be something important in there," he said, eying the thick envelop on the table, forgotten for several days.

"I doubt that."

"You don't think they have anything of interest?"

"No"

"Then you don't mind if I read them?"

When Kanda looked up again and stared at him, Lavi thought he was going to run him through with Mugen. He did not expect Kanda to shrug and mutter 'help yourself' but that was what he did. He fetched the letters and brought them out of the envelop. At a glance, Lavi already marked six different hand-writings saying 'good day' at the beginning of their letters and he spread out the rest to find more.

"Ah," he said with a smile, "To my _beloved_ Kanda. Good day. While you may not know me, but I've known you for a very long time." Lavi paused to see Kanda's reaction but got none. "That's a creepy way to start a letter, don't you think?"

Kanda just shrugged.

"Here's another one," he announced and fished one with neat penmanship. "Your hair beating against the wind while you ride is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Kanda flinched from his spot on the bed and his doctor grinned wider.

"I watch you everyday while you work in the dams from afar. When you're not in town, I spend the whole day at my window waiting, praying that you come so I may glimpse your beauty even just for a moment," Lavi continued in a dramatic, love-sick voice.

"Shut up," Kanda told him.

"I would have done anything for a chance to speak with you, that you may know I exist and that I am yours… so I can tell you how much you mean to me and how much I am willing to give for you," he went on.

"That is ridiculous. Now shut up," Kanda said.

"Don't let him hear you… the poor guy," Lavi told him.

"I don't care who hears. It's ridiculous. Who could give anything for someone you barely know? Beautiful? Really, _beautiful_?! Who the hell does that person think I am?" Kanda muttered in annoyance. "And did you say _guy_?" he added suddenly.

Lavi quickly shook his head and shuffled the letters in his hand. "We have one that says you are the love of her life. Another one about your black hair, only this states that it falls beautifully against your porcelain skin."

"I change my mind. You can't read my letters."

"You have to admit, your admirers have the most colorful language," Lavi commented with a straight face while eying another sheet. "Descend on me oh my snow prince and take my—"

Kanda chucked Mugen's scabbard at his doctor without thinking. Lavi, being visually challenged, barely saw the thing flying across the room before he ducked and saved his head. "You! Tch! Fucking shut that hole on your face!"

"Whoa," Lavi said and raised his hands up in surrender. "Okay! Okay! I shall close my _mouth_."

Kanda glared at him through his crimson face. He stiffly retrieved the _saya_, went back to his bed, and continued attending to his blade. Lavi thought he was getting better at controlling his temper and it might have something to do with the increase in amount of sleep Kanda was getting. Even so, he decided he's had his fun and silently went through the rest of the letters and waited. Kanda still brooded on the bed after Lavi finished three letters though, and he sighed. "It's getting late, Yu."

Kanda glanced at the clock on his bedside table and he suddenly felt tired. He sheathed his katana and placed it under his pillow. His back has gone a bit stiff and he was looking down at sheets again like it bit his hand. Lavi walked to him, reading those familiar signs. Kanda never asked to hug him, at least not out loud. He always had to feel if it was the right time, a thing he thought would be difficult but turned out to be effortless.

As he sat behind Kanda, he saw and ignored the other's ever present flinch whenever he was close. He tried to calm his nerves as well. "I'll be putting my arms now," he announced not unnecessarily before he surrounded Kanda's waist and shoulders from behind. He waited for the other to relax a bit and then leaned his head down against the nape of Kanda's neck, breathing against it. Kanda had knocked the stuffing out of him once when he did it without warning. He had taken his time after that and he took Kanda's lack of aggressive response as acceptance or at least tolerance. That, or he just needed sleep badly. Either way, Lavi never passed up the opportunity for him to do such an intimate gesture and actually get away with it unharmed.

"Mmm…" He murmured, feeling particularly daring.

Suddenly, Kanda raised his arm back towards Lavi's head and the redhead braced himself for the impact. It never came. It took moments to register that Kanda had hooked his hand behind his head and that Lavi's nose was almost touching the corner of his patient's lips.

"Yu?"

He didn't answer. Lavi moved back a little to see his face and saw that his patient's eyes were closed. The hand holding the back of Lavi's head was quickly loosening. It feel, but before it touched the bed it regained consciousness and grabbed Lavi's nape again, firmer than before.

"Yu? That's sweet but you're kinda hurting me," Lavi said lightly but Kanda's grasp really was starting to hurt him.

Kanda's breathing quickened and unintelligible murmurs formed in his lips. Lavi could do nothing but watch as he pried the other's hand away and he gently laid him down the pillow. Kanda did not stir and his hands relaxed but something about his relaxed face told Lavi that something was amiss. He watched more and found none. Lavi could not find it in himself to leave his patient just yet so he sat back on the bedside chair and gathered the letters.

He was about to tuck them back into the envelop when a word caught his eye.

_Witch_

He took the letter near the firelight and began to read.

_I hope this reaches you in time. Burn this letter after reading for in the wrong hands, something bad might happen. _

_The enemy is within the mansion walls. Be wary._

Lavi stared at the paper for a long time and reread the letter again and again. There was not much people in the mansion to chose from.

* * *

><p>Author's note:<p>

It has been so looong since my last update and I have to apologize for that. This chapter has been sitting in my laptop, finished, and somehow I forgot about it. I did not bother to reread this in a hurry to post so you can pass judgment. I hope it's worth the wait.

Thank you to everyone who gave me reviews. I love them all so much! I'll reply to each and everyone as soon as I can.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own D Gray Man. I don't make any money from writing this. Please don't sue!

Warning: Yaoi themes. Language. Unbeta-edness.

* * *

><p><strong>Insomnia: Chapter 9 (Connection)<strong>

_Where am I?_

_It was too dark to make out anything around him but soon, his lone eye adjusted. He saw the familiar wallpaper, curtains, and deep darkness ahead. Lavi realized he was in a hall somewhere in the mansion. He took a step and then another, before almost tripping on something hard. He looked down to find one of the identical side tables lying broken on the floor. That was when he noticed some of the more unusual things. Ripped curtains. Bits of feather strewn on the carpet. Scratch marks on the wall. Lavi's breath was caught in his chest as fear and panic started setting in. _

_His walk broke into a run. Once or twice he almost tripped but he went on, nothing but darkness in front of him. He turned and went straight and turned again. He climbed up flights of stairs and descended and climbed up again. He tried to get his bearings but couldn't. Everything looked the same: chaos. _

_Finally, a familiar stone arch greeted him and he went on until he was facing the mansion kitchen. A small fire was burning in the hearth and its weak light showed the state of the same chaos around. It seemed like a small tornado went through the pots, utensils, and glassware. Lavi walked over to the table to find it littered with bits of everything around near the edges. He spotted a stray knife on it and mindlessly grabbed it. The handle was smooth save for a dent he could feel with his thumb. He held it tightly._

_As he walked outside the kitchen with a knife in one hand and a candle in another, Lavi felt like he should be thinking, feeling, doing, something that he couldn't remember. It was as if he was walking under water._

"_The enemy is here."_

_He looked back but saw no one. He extended the knife with a shaking arm and held the candle higher. "Who's there?"_

_Darkness seemed to be alive and was playing with him. The silence was unwelcoming._

"_Sh-Show yourself!"_

_Without a sound, his candle went out. Lavi immediately ran, not daring to look back. He blindly tumbled and trip up the stairs that he knew led to the main hall and the door. Instead of making for it, his feet led him to the great stairs and back to the horror stricken maze of halls. He was trapped again._

_Suddenly, Lavi slammed against something hard and flat. He was knocked on his back, dazed and his hand went limp. The knife he hadn't realized he was still holding fell beside him with a clutter. He slowly sat up, reaching out into the darkness until his hands felt a wall. The wall didn't stay there for too long though. Lavi watched petrified as his hands reached further out into thin air. The wall was gone._

"_There was never one in the first place."_

_Just the sound of that voice was enough to let him know that he was in trouble._

"_Do not run from me, Lavi."_

Snap!

Lavi's check burned and his hand automatically found it. The next thing he knew, he was looking right back at Alice's face who was wearing a very distressed expression. He blinked.

"Alice?"

"DR. LAVI!"

He was attacked by a tight hug.

"I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE OKAY! YOU WERE MAKING NOISES AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE HAVING A HEART ATTACK! I COULDN'T WAKE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I DOWSE YOU WITH WATER!"

It was only then that he realized that he was indeed wet. Lavi shrugged and patted the maid on her back. "It's fine. I was just having a nightmare I guess… but you woke me up. It's over now, thanks to you."

Alice pulled back and wiped her tears with her apron. Lavi waited for her to collect herself. "What were you dreaming about?"

"I-" Lavi paused. He didn't remember.

She stared at him expectantly.

"I," he tried again. He thought hard but nothing came. "I can't remember."

"What?" Alice asked loudly, almost with a hint of anger.

Lavi was taken aback by her reaction but he was bothered more by his inability to recall his dream. He ignored her, trying to piece things together in his mind but it was like catching water. He shook his head and said, "All I remember is that it was dark. A-And there was a small fire. I feel like it's somehow… getting fainter."

Alice's face was unreadable. "So how did you even know you had a nightmare?"

_How indeed?_ He was feeling a very faint sense of horror and panic, so little that he was beginning to think that he had imagined ever dreaming. "Just a feeling," he answered.

* * *

><p>The dam was sixty percent finished if Jon the engineer's report were to be believed. To Lavi however, it looked like it was more like forty percent as he and Kanda stared up at the high wall of wooden planks and stone that swayed with the wind.<p>

"I doubt it will hold against water," Lavi whispered and Kanda sighed irritated.

"Jon!" he called the engineer and the said man hurriedly cut through the farmers to reach Kanda.

"Yes, young master?"

Kanda glared at him. The sun was baking them under its light and that made him feel especially irritated. "My doctor said that your… dam doesn't look strong enough to hold against the river. I disagree. I think it will collapse the moment the wind picks up."

Jon nervously wiped the sweat on his forehead with a white handkerchief. "It's stronger than it looks. We've almost finished putting the fillers at the right side and—"

"Almost?" Kanda asked calmly but his eyes said otherwise. "Wouldn't sixty percent complete mean that the right _and_ some of the left half are already done?"

Jon squirmed, obviously thinking of a response.

"And what the hell happened to the foundations we laid out weeks ago?" Kanda asked sounding more than pissed.

"There were rains. Three of the main support broke and-and there was a shortage of funds so repairs were—"

"SHORTAGE ON FUNDS?" Kanda asked dangerously as he grabbed the man by the front of his shirt and pulled him closer. "Explain."

The events that followed were chaotic and very detrimental, particularly to the engineer's face. Jon sputtered out some things about 'lost funds' and 'high prices' but what really got him the beating was the bit about him 'possibly having spent a few sums for a few barrels of reds' which apparently, his doctor had advised him to take to help his health. Kanda thought a dozen barrels of wine was hardly medicinal and he snapped. The farmers followed Lavi's lead in restraining the angry young master while Jon whimpered on his spot on the mud. Soon, the police were called, General Tiedoll was notified, and some of the peace was restored.

Lavi convinced Kanda to go home so that he can rethink and analyze the project better. Thankfully, he easily agreed. They rode home with Lavi carrying the usual supply of fruits and flowers.

"Tch," Kanda muttered as he sipped his tea back at the mansion. "I should have never trusted that man. I should have been more involved."

"You are as involved as you could ever be, Yu. Frankly, everything was just a miscalculation," Lavi told him. He had thought that Kanda knew what he was doing when the dam project started but he forgot that his patient had been sick for very long and had lived in solitude with no advice on how to pick up the reins to run the mansion and everything else. "Maybe you should get your family lawyer to help you with the accounting and stuff?"

"Tch," Kanda muttered angrily in agreement and continued brooding in silence.

"I could help if you like," Lavi said nervously and Kanda stared at him. "I know my way around this stuff. Besides, you don't need much medical attention anymore."

Kanda sighed. "Is Bookman going to kick you out soon then? Because if you're trying to get a new job, I'm not hiring."

"Psh, not at all," Lavi said rolling his eyes. Kanda's mansion was in dire need of a gardener, stable boys, errand boy, at least a dozen more maids, and a matron. Seeing as it only got Alice, no thanks to Kanda, he wasn't hoping for a job opening anytime soon. "I just want to help a friend," Lavi added through gritted teeth. And what even made him think that Lavi would be kicked out?

"I don't need help. If you're working, I'll pay but that matter should be brought up to my godfather," Kanda said and added a 'tch' as an afterthought.

"General Tiedoll you mean?" Lavi asked.

Kanda nodded stiffly.

"So you gonna write to him? Where is he?" he asked curiously. The general's name had come up several times before.

"London? Asia? I don't know. I write to his home and his people make sure he gets my letter," Kanda said. "He visits sometimes but he is a busy man."

Lavi nodded. This Tiedoll man reminded him of Kanda's real father. He hadn't met anyone of them but both apparently share the same responsibility to his patient and the too busy schedule to actually do it. "I'm sure he is. Are you two close?"

Kanda gave him a look that told him he was asking too much. "No."

"Shutting up now."

"Tch," the other said and Lavi could have sworn he saw a very faint smile before Kanda was walking out of the room. "Bathroom's off limits until I get back."

Lavi just smirked and fished out a book.

* * *

><p>The following day, Kanda woke up early to find his doctor already up and pacing in the common room holding a piece of paper while Alice prepared breakfast on the table, plates of tarts, bread, jam, and sausages. His presence seemed to go unnoticed for a few moments until he sat on one of the chairs and the maid greeted him cheerfully.<p>

"Oh, good morning, Yu," Lavi said immediately and took the seat opposite him.

"Tch," he muttered at the use of his given name for the nth time.

Alice poured tea for them and set out the plates before leaving. Kanda noticed the way his doctor followed her out the door with his gaze before staring blankly at the surface of his cup. These rare times that Lavi was silent taught him that something was wrong with the other. It bothered Kanda that he had learned how to read him to some extent but then again, there weren't that many people to observe in the mansion.

"You need something else?" he asked.

"Hm? What?" Lavi asked, looking up.

"Do you need anything else from the maid?" he clarified. "Just call her back."

Lavi shook his head. "Oh no, it's fine."

Kanda felt his mood turning sour at the way Lavi was acting. Dumb and unaware didn't suit his doctor and he was almost sure that any such act was just an act.. "Tch, stop that."

"Stop what?"

"That"

"That?"

"What you're doing!"

"I don't follow," Lavi told him.

_Ugh_. "Just tell me what's bothering you!"

Lavi looked taken aback for a moment before cracking a smile, an annoying thing he seemed to always do around him. "I'm sorry. I just got some things on my mind. For one, Bookman is coming back next week." He motioned to the paper in his hand.

Kanda didn't see how Bookman's return should be something on Lavi's mind but he didn't want to pry. Despite living with him all these time, Kanda didn't know a lot of things about Lavi. He always talked but didn't really say anything. It was a mystery how he did it.

"He said the flu outbreak is dying down and he's very interested about how you're doing," Lavi continued.

Ah, so he was worried about _that_. "He'll see for himself. I'm better, stronger, and getting sleep thanks to, uh," Kanda trailed off, waiting for Lavi.

"The uh, err… sedative, exercise, and Alice's cooking," Lavi added. Kanda raised an eyebrow and he continued, "If I told him I whacked your head with a practice katana and you were suddenly sleeping normally, that would still be far more believable than the truth don't you think?"

Kanda couldn't argue with that. "Fine."

Lavi smiled at him and proceeded to eating his breakfast. The tea was warm so he started to work on his own cup and contemplated if he should try the pastries as well. He had a busy day ahead of him which included mailing his letter to his godfather, talking to the farmers, and doing damage control, thanks to that fat imbecile who thought himself an engineer. Kanda wanted to punch something whenever he remembered his face.

"This tart is really good," Lavi commented as he popped one in his mouth and he ignored him. "You're very lucky Bookman brought her here, you know. She can cook, clean…"

He just stared at his doctor, wondering if he wanted to say something or if this was just one of his usual ramblings. Lavi sensed his annoyance and went back to his breakfast in silence. Just when Kanda was about to reach for his plate, the doctor blurted out, "I think Alice is really great, like, really great. Like super-maid great. Don't you think?"

He stared at Lavi through narrowed eyes. "Yes. She's _great_."

"I knew it," Lavi told him. "So, aside from her being, you know, great, what else do you think of her? Do you like her personality? Do you find her pleasant? Annoying? _Strange _perhaps?"

"I find her normal."

"Yep, me too."

Kanda crossed his arms in front of him. "Why are you asking me about Alice?"

Lavi looked at him like he was the weird one for asking why the other was asking such nonsense. "I'm just… checking. I know you weren't too happy about her when Bookman first brought her in."

He continued eying Lavi suspiciously for a while and didn't answer until the other showed signs of discomfort. "She does her job and doesn't bother me too much. She's tolerable."

Lavi nodded and popped a few more tarts in his mouth. He looked like he was being sneaky about something but Kanda couldn't figure out what. Why all the questions about the maid? Sure, Alice is a good maid, not intrusive, responsible, a little too caring for his taste, cute and… oh. _Oh_.

Kanda coughed. "I won't be expecting you today until after dinner. Just get your ass back by then so I can sleep and you're free to go back to the pub—"

"The pub?" Lavi blurted out looking confused.

"Tch," he muttered, feeling annoyed. "I get it but as I've said before, you can't touch the maid. So find somewhere else where you can stick it."

The doctor's face went pale and a few crumbs of tart rolled off his open mouth. Kanda coughed again and stared at the window. He hated feeling embarrassed when he was just, rather rarely, being considerate of the other. His and Lavi's little incident in the past might have something to do with him feeling considerate at the moment though, but he still thought that Lavi should be grateful enough to not show the contents of his mouth.

"Y-Yu… Yu! I'm not thinking of having sex with your maid! How many times do I have to say that?" Lavi asked indignantly.

He frowned, genuinely confused. "You're not? I don't really care what you do with your spare time so—"

"I'M NOT GOING TO FUCK ALICE!"

Kanda quickly checked the door and the hallway beyond. There was no one. He sighed in relief and went back to the table before kicking Lavi's shins hard. "Why the fuck are you shouting?"

"Why the fuck don't you believe me?" Lavi countered.

He could feel his patience running out and he chucked a tart out of the window in annoyance. That calmed him a bit and allowed for Lavi's words to sink in a little. The look on his face told him that he was telling the truth. His lone green eye staring back at him directly, honest and a bit… hurt?

"Tch," he muttered. "I understand. I believe you." _Stop looking at me like that now._

Lavi drew his gaze away and drank more of his tea. He nodded. Silence fell after that. Kanda felt like he should say something but he squashed the idea as soon as it formed in his mind. He thought that dealing with Lavi was so difficult sometimes. He didn't usually bother with other people but the blabber mouth was making him uncomfortable…

"So, you going out?" Lavi asked suddenly, acting like nothing happened.

"Hm," he murmured as he took a long sip from his cup. He was only too happy to follow Lavi's lead. "Why?"

Lavi shrugged. "Nothing. I just remember offering you my help yesterday so, uh, you need me to come with you?"

He shook his head. "No. I just need to mail some letters and talk to the farmers."

"Oh, alright," Lavi told him.

"But I need you to do something for me," Kanda said, remembering something. "Jon gave me the list of expenses over the past month, along with the receipts."

Lavi made a face. "Yu, you're going to ask me to check it, aren't you?"

"Don't call me that, and yes. Do it because you will be paid," he told him, unable to hide the satisfaction of seeing the look on his doctor's face which told him he didn't like the idea.

"Sure," Lavi said after a moment with an air of resignation. "But you have to let me choose what I want as payment."

"I'll give you money, _and then_ you can choose what you want to do with it," Kanda said and took a bite of bread. He had to admit, Alice's cooking was really good. Maybe it really was doing him some good.

"But Yu," the other whined, "I hate paperwork. I'm visually challenged see?" Lavi pointed at his eye patch for good measure. "You can choose to do it yourself or grant me this small act of generosity and get it done by moi."

At that moment, the grandfather clock chimed eight times and he literally felt his appetite leave him. Kanda finished his tea, wiped his mouth, and stood. Was he talking with this idiot for that long?

"Hey!" Lavi called after him.

"Tch, whatever. I'm leaving," he said.

"I'll take that as a yes!" he heard the other before he reached the stairs and he was descending.

* * *

><p>By the time he was finished, it was already midday and the engineer's hand writing was making his eye hurt. Lavi had taken a couple of breaks earlier and looked at the thick pile of receipts and lists he had to cross-reference with scorn. It felt like it would never end. So when he finally set the last receipt aside and tallied the amount, which did not match by a mile by the way, he was only too happy to walk outside and get some fresh air.<p>

He really did hate paperwork. It was tedious and too repetitive, and _boring_.

But he did it anyway, like a good little accountant. Kanda could have been the most persuasive person he had ever met, with his rotten personality and piercing eyes. Or maybe the problem lay in Lavi since Kanda didn't do any persuading per se. Lavi ought to be scared by that thought. _That man will screw me over with nothing but his 'tch.' I could feel it._

Lavi huffed and tried to focus on the now less forest-y garden but the conversation he had with his patient that morning came back to him and he suddenly felt down again. How could Kanda think that he wanted to fuck the maid? Lavi was so annoyed by the thought. Did he think Lavi spent his time thinking about such things? Was that how Kanda saw him?

Hm, no. It wasn't even the thought of Kanda seeing him as nothing but a perverted, horny bastard that irked him so much though that did burn him some. It was that the other seemed like he still haven't got the faintest idea about how Lavi felt about him.

"You are so thick, Yu!" Lavi heard himself yell at an innocent tree.

He looked back at the things that had happened so far. Was it not obvious? He had stuck his tongue down the other's throat for crying out loud!

Lavi threw a stone at the tree and when no retaliation came, he was angry. He turned towards the mansion and marched in. He was walking aimlessly, glaring at the carpet and at the stair steps as he stomped on them. Did he want Kanda to not be oblivious of his advances? Lavi didn't know. What did he even want from Kanda, really? Lavi hadn't figured that one out yet. He surely was attracted to Kanda at some degree, perhaps attracted enough that he would even do paperwork for him.

"_I get it but as I've said before, you can't touch the maid. So find somewhere else where you can stick it."_

His fist clenched and he glared at a piece of pottery, feeling like he wanted to chuck it out of the second floor window. _More like, I've found another place to stick it but it's not where you think it is!_

Lavi sighed, breathing in and out to calm himself. He was tired doing that stupid paper work, that's all. He wasn't thinking straight at the moment. He should just take a break and unwind. Hell, he should go to that pub and fuck someone. _Yeah, that will make things better._

As he walked on, a sudden gleam caught his eye. Something shiny was on the floor, not a couple of meters from where he stood. Lavi walked to it and felt his body turn cold at the sight of the object. He picked it up and his thumb felt a familiar dent that brought back certain memories that he had somehow lost.

Flashes of images of the dark hallways of the mansion ran through his mind and the details came flooding back. The mess, the strewn upholstery, ripped wallpapers, the _chaos_. It was his dream.

Lavi was disoriented for some time and dragged himself to the nearest window, breathing heavily. He could see the tree he was stoning earlier and the stretch of grass Alice had cut. His breaths were becoming even when he spotted the maid, holding a gigantic pair of scissors, trimming the thick vines near the high stone walls. She was humming to herself an unfamiliar tune. She was too far for Lavi to see her face but the happy rhythm of the song made him think she was smiling. He felt his thumb digging into the dent of the knife.

"_The enemy is here."_

It didn't make sense. If Alice wanted to hurt Kanda or him, why were they still alive? She had plenty of opportunities to slip poison into the food or drug them before killing them yet those never happened. As far as he had seen, the maid had only helped them. He had no other runnings with Kanda's mother and Lavi had a feeling she had something to do with that too. Superstitious and sometimes a little strange she was, yes, but did that mean she was an enemy?

Kanda didn't seem to be suspicious of Alice though, as shown by his unsubtle prying earlier. It looked like he hadn't noticed anything weird about her which was understandable. Had it not been for the creepy warning he got from one of Kanda's letters, he might not have zoned in on Alice either.

Maybe he should show Kanda the warning. That would probably lead to the story about his mother and the curse. Why shouldn't he find out about it? Then again, it was Alice's story and he hadn't come to terms with believing a word of it, not even after that encounter with Kanda's mother and all the other strange things that was happening. Lavi had stubbornly decided that he still wasn't convinced. Someone had to think logically in this house. If his foundation, his _reason_, was shaken or questioned he wouldn't know what else to do and he and Kanda would be doomed. _That_, somehow, felt certain.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Yu. Gramps is back."<p>

His patient was poring over papers and blueprints in his office when Lavi came in. Kanda didn't even spare him a look. "Tch, I'll see him later. Tell him I'm really busy."

Lavi shrugged, already expecting the response. He himself was busy in his room doing medical logs, reading journals, and books when Alice called him to inform him of his mentor's arrival but unlike the other, Lavi was obligated to greet Bookman. No matter how busy he was.

"Ayt, I'll tell him," he said and made his way downstairs.

Voices of people talking were coming from the main doors and getting louder as he descended each step. Lavi paused midway when he heard something strange. At least three male voices were talking down there. He immediately recognized Bookman's but the other two, he had never heard. _Who could they be?_

"The grass has been trimmed as well. I assure you, she's more than capable of looking after the young master," Bookman's voice said.

Lavi reached the bottom of the stairs and found his mentor talking to men he didn't know. One was a middle-aged man with long scruffy gray hair, loosely tied in a pony tail. He was wearing a dark, worn out uniform that Lavi was sure from the military. The other one looked younger, a tall dark man, bald but for a thin collection of dark hair on top of his head, held up in a pony tail. He was also wearing the same uniform but his looked like it saw less battles. The new arrivals' gaze all landed on Lavi.

"That is Dr. Lavi, my apprentice," Bookman introduced him immediately and gestured for him to come close.

"Nice meeting ya," he said before looking at Bookman uncertainly.

"Tiedoll," the older one said pleasantly and shook Lavi's hand with a kind smile.

Upon realizing that he was facing the general himself, Lavi felt suddenly nervous. He cracked a smile that came off as pained.

"I'm Yu's godfather," Tiedoll added unnecessarily. "This is my other godson, Marie. Well, _Captain_ Marie. He is working in the army."

Marie turned to him with weird, blank eyes. He knew instantly that the other was blind by the lack of movement and pigment in the irises. Marie did not smile but instead, bowed politely right exactly where he was. "Thank you for taking care of Yu."

"I-It's nothing!" Lavi said with a nervous laugh. "Just doin my job."

The general looked around and frowned. The lines on his face showed as he spoke. "Now where is my Yu? Is he feeling alright?"

_My Yu?_

"Oh, no. He's perfectly fine. He's upstairs doing er… stuff. He doesn't know you're here," he explained. The tone in the general's voice was making him nervous. He sounded like an over-protective father.

"I see. Well, it's suppose to be a surprise," Tiedoll said happily. "What room is he working in?"

"His office," Lavi answered.

As soon as he did, General Tiedoll started climbing up the steps followed closely by Marie. Bookman also made his way up the steps soon. Lavi thought that, knowing Kanda, he will not appreciate being disturbed from his work. But this was his godfather, General Tiedoll. He was essentially his _father._ Kanda must look up to him.

"THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE!?"

Or not.

Before Lavi could reach the office door with the others, Kanda came storming out of the room and into the hallway looking extremely pissed. General Tiedoll was at his tail looking like a kicked puppy.

"Calm down, Yu. I'm just here to make sure you're alright," Tiedoll said. "Can't you give your old man a hug? I haven't seen you for months!"

"I'm not your fucking son," growled Kanda. "Stay away."

Lavi winced at the harsh words but Tiedoll didn't seem to mind. He was now begging his 'son' to let him check his temperature and promise to let him tuck Kanda in bed later. He could tell that this was a usual scenario by now.

"Just ignore him," Marie told Kanda.

"How can I? He's so fucking annoyi—"

That was cut off by a very tight, heart-felt hug by his godfather. "I missed you, Yu-kun! Look how much you've grown. You're hair has definitely grown too, just like your mother's. Oh, and language Yu. Mind your language," Tiedoll told his struggling godson.

"Fine! Just get the fu—get off me!" Kanda said.

Lunch that day was noisier than usual with all the new people dining on the long table. It was the happiest this place had seemed to Lavi. He watched Bookman and Marie discuss a territorial dispute in the north Atlantic while Tiedoll observed Kanda and made comments about how little he was eating. Kanda ignored him, refusing to look at his godfather's direction. At one point, Kanda had actually asked Lavi about his 'fucking morning' so that the general would leave him alone. Lavi enthusiastically recalled his morning while Kanda tuned him out.

"Shall I get the dessert, Kanda-sama?" Alice asked after clearing the table of the remnants of lunch. She prepared Japanese dishes which everyone happily ate.

Kanda nodded like he didn't really care if there was dessert and the maid went tottering over to the kitchen.

"I am so happy to see you so well again, Yu-kun," Tiedoll announced over the table with teary eyes. "Though you should eat more… but acceptable. This is really great. If only your father were alive to see this."

"Tch," Kanda replied.

Bookman nodded in agreement. "You did well, Lavi."

Lavi laughed. "I just gave him what he needs," he said and immediately felt a certain boot kick his leg under the table. "Ya know, food, water, exercise, a daily routine. I told Yu to eat a lot of fruits too."

He smiled at Kanda who 'tch-ed' and gave him a look that said 'oh, you're going to get it. You are sooo gonna get it.'

"Thank you so much," Tiedoll told him. "I didn't know what else to do."

"So what was wrong him?" Marie asked.

Lavi stared back at the faces around the table, all waiting for his reply and he gulped. An involuntary smile made its way to his lips, a thing that used to happen when he got nervous. _Right, now what did I plan to tell them again?_

"Company"

Tiedoll frowned. Marie's expression did not change. Bookman's eyes narrowed. Kanda's chopsticks were put at the verge of breaking.

"Well, not company per se," he continued. "When Yu was left in my care, he had insomnia and some other health issues. He was weak and tired mainly because of lack of proper nutrition. With me and Alice here, he was forced to eat more. The mansion also… lightened up a bit with more people, ya know. Things just improved… after then. Hehehe…" Lavi smiled looking like he knew exactly what he was saying but inside, he just hoped he didn't say anything stupid.

"Oh," Tiedoll said. "I knew it. Yu-kun got lonely on his own. He needs company. I agree with you, Dr. Lavi."

He breathed more easily upon hearing that. Lavi nodded at the general.

"So he no longer suffers from insomnia?" Bookman asked.

Kanda and Lavi caught each other's gaze for a moment before Kanda broke it off and spoke. "Most nights I can sleep well. Others I still find it hard to sleep. I still wake up in the middle of the night from time to time."

"I give him mild narcotics," Lavi added.

Tiedoll looked at Lavi and then his godson. He smiled. "As long as Yu-kun gets better, I have no complaints."

Lavi forced another smile. He wondered if the general would still be saying that if he knew the truth. He seemed protective of Kanda, almost like that of a father to his only _daughter_. Lavi had to be careful tonight when he put Kanda to sleep. It was just a hug and maybe he could invent excuses if the situation arose but he had to do it every night. He didn't know how long the general's visit would last and he didn't want to think what would happen if TIedoll found out.

"You think Yu-kun would be healthy enough to attend the ball?"

"The ball?" Lavi and Kanda asked in unison.

Marie's head fell with a shake and almost inaudible 'here we go.' Tiedoll didn't seem to notice. "_The_ ball! I'm throwing a ball to honor your parents' memory and demonstrate your family's stature. Good for business and all, but since you're regaining your health, all the more reason!" he announced excitedly.

The chopsticks snapped.

"Do I not have any say what happens in my own house?" Kanda asked, glaring at everyone.

"Oh Yu, it will great. We'll have an orchestra, food, drinks. I'll invite some friends and the ladies in town. You might even meet someone!" Tiedoll elaborated happily. "A proper lady for my Yu-kun!"

"Yeah, Yu. It will be awesome," Lavi said dryly.

"Listen to your doctor friend," Tiedoll said patting Lavi's back.

"He's not my friend. And I don't want strangers all over my house," Kanda replied before turning to Lavi. "Don't encourage him."

"But it does sound like fun," Lavi said. He enjoyed seeing Kanda in this mood and he'd normally want to go to balls but Lavi didn't like the idea at the moment. Having other people come in and mingle with his patient… Oh how the town's girls would rejoice.

Kanda kicked him again and rounded on his godfather. "You are not doing this nonsense. Haven't you read my letters? I'm building a dam! I don't have time for your stupid ball!"

Tiedoll looked at him sternly. "Yu-kun, you haven't changed a bit. I suggest that you find a way to lighten up your mood and learn a few dance steps because this ball is happening. It. Is. Happening."

"TCH!" Kanda told them before he stood and stormed off to his office.

"That went well," Tiedoll said. Marie just shook his head.

* * *

><p>Author's note:<p>

I am alive! Yes, and quite frankly I didn't expect this update to happen so soon. I have things going on so… but yeah, I know this took a while. I thank all those wonderful people who gave awesome reviews. I think I told of you that I'll see if I can include some LaviYuu action here but it turned out I can't. Have no fear though for in the ball, some things that shouldn't happen will, err, happen. And I have a lot of plot developments planned out as well so…

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed. Please review. Onegaishimasu! :D


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own D Gray Man. I don't make any money from writing this. Please don't sue!

Warning: Yaoi themes. Language. Unbeta-edness.

* * *

><p><strong>Insomnia: Chapter 10 (Divide)<strong>

Had he not been locked in this place for practically his whole life, he might have thought his staircase had led him to another house. The mansion's receiving area looked so different with all the people fixing things for his stupid godfather's ball. It was _crowded_. The room seemed even more spacious when the furniture were removed and were replaced by at least a dozen round tables covered with fine white cloth. Kanda walked through the busy men carrying chairs and maids fixing cloths and decorations. He spotted Alice in one of the tables teaching what he supposed was the flower arrangement to be used. buckets of freshly picked white roses and forget-me-not's were at the far end of the room, making soft islands of white and blue in the sea of tables and chairs. He never really liked flowers, especially since he started getting regular rations from town, but he was grateful that they had at least chosen acceptable colors.

The past five days had been all about planning for this day. Kanda chose and announced to everyone that he will not take any part in it as he had more pressing things to do so he didn't have any idea what was going to happen. Tiedoll was sending messages here and there while Marie assisted him. It did not surprise him to find Lavi sitting in one of the planning discussions one morning too. Kanda then felt the need to become involved too by putting up some rules before a certain doctor take things too far.

"Since you're going to do this anyway despite me saying that this ball is absolutely unnecessary and a complete waste of resources, I'm permitting it so long you follow these guidelines, " he had cut in the discussion while Lavi was reading out a list of songs for the orchestra, "no dancing, no sweets, keep the music down if there has to be music, no making me do stupid things like speeches and such, and get all the people off the property by eleven."

Tiedoll looked at him gravely like he was ill again.

"I told you we should have locked him up," Lavi muttered lowly to the party council.

"It's a ball, Yu-kun. We can't not have music, dancing, and desserts," Tiedoll informed him.

"And eleven? What are you, seven years old?" Lavi asked.

"If I were seven, it wouldn't matter as you're in my fucking house and I have authority," Kanda said, ignoring his godfather.

Tiedoll flinched dramatically, mumbling 'language' while shaking his head.

"If you were seven, you'd lose all authority as you'd be underage and the general shall decide what happens in your f… house," Lavi pointed out with a pleasant smile.

"Tch," Kanda said. He could see it now. Lavi was a slimy, two-faced idiot traitor who acted all nice and prim while he plotted to make Kanda's life miserable. He really should have ended him.

"Don't you have a dam to build?" the slimy, two-faced traitor who acted all nice and prim while he plotted Kanda's demise inquired.

Kanda had stomped off to his dam and left the rest of them to talk about desserts and flowers like proper ladies on their tea party. Let them rejoice for now, he had thought, only to go back home later in the afternoon and find out that he was banned from the rest of the party council's meetings too.

So he had no idea his godfather was planning to invite his whole army, his friends, and all of the townspeople by the look of things.

Tiedoll could be unstoppable when he chose to do things, hence the complete transformation of his hall. Kanda breathed deeply to calm himself down. At least he would only suffer this for one night and all will be back to normal. He strapped Mugen on his hip as he walked, ignoring the small 'good mornings' and 'how do you do's' until he reached his open front doors and saw his garden. And what had become of it.

At least three dozen more tables were there, decorated by bouquets of white roses and forget-me-not's. The chairs were also decorated with flowers. It made him think of an old, abandoned party area that was invaded by flowery vines. Arches decorated with the same flowers were built at the doorway, down the stone steps, and all entrances from the bushy area to the clearing. Tall candles were at every table. It was acceptable. His porch was left clear but several chairs were being arranged.

"That's where the orchestra will be playing," Lavi informed him out of nowhere.

Kanda jumped slightly back and noticed his doctor was watching him again with obvious amusement. "Tch."

"I know," he said, turning to the garden, "it is quite something, isn't it? Not my idea though, but it worked well with everyone's vision. The flowers I mean."

"So you're behind the flowers?"

"Blue and white," Lavi agreed. "This ball is being thrown in your honor afterall. Why? Not to your liking? Should I have just gone with the general's idea?"

Kanda narrowed his eyes. "What idea?"

"Nothing. Besides, he seems to trust me when dealing with you is involved. He commended me on how I 'finally won your friendship' and begged me not to leave you," he said with an air of smug satisfaction. "I have your guardian's blessing."

"Congratulations," he said sourly and walked past him.

Lavi quickly snatched a few stalks of flowers from the nearest table and fell beside Kanda's brisk strides. He was grinning so wide and there was a noticeable skip to his steps. Kanda ignored him until they reached the stable and his doctor started humming a random tune. "Shut it. And tell the old man I'd be out for a while," he said and swung up to his mount.

"But I'm coming with you," Lavi said, getting on his own horse.

"Don't you have shit to do here?"

Lavi shook his head. "I took up the responsibility of finding the flowers. My job is done," he said and held out the stalks to him.

The roses were obviously the bigger, more extravagant flower that people want but somehow, its white seemed tamed next to the blues. He took them mindlessly. "Why not red?" He was referring of course to the flowers.

"Nah," the other shrugged as he made his beast walk beside his, "red's more of my color. I told you I was thinking of you."

Kanda didn't understand but he suddenly felt his heart quicken. The way Lavi was looking at him was how he always did yet he didn't notice until now. _Really_ noticed. Lavi looked with one eye, purposeful and beckoning. It scared him.

"Stay here. I'm going alone," he said in a tone that left no argument and galloped off, leaving a confused Lavi.

* * *

><p>Lavi spent the whole morning and some of his afternoon doing the only thing he could do, assist in the party preparations. The garden and the hall grew more flowery and dreamy as the minutes ticked. Alice was looking more and more tired but the poor maid never lost her energy. Marie arranged for the orchestra and servers to arrive early and was directing them to their proper places.<p>

"Here," Tiedoll said and handed Lavi a thick roll of parchment. He looked excited and little tired.

Lavi gave him a questioning look and he added, "It's the guest list. Dr. Bookman said you have a brilliant memory so I want you to go over it before I hand it over to the guards."

He complied of course and was amazed by the length of the list, but not so much by the kind of people who will be filling up the tables. Most of them were from the military and merchant families, presumably Tiedoll and Kanda senior's personal acquaintances that were quite prominent. He wondered how Yu would interact with them. He scanned the names and noted the title 'general' several times. Tiedoll would invite potential wives too, no doubt and from such powerful families. Lavi sighed.

"Time is quite the trickster sometimes, isn't it?"

It was Alice. She was smiling kindly and set tea on the table. A few strands on her head were out of place and stray leaves were tangled in them. A carrot in her apron pocket did not escape his eye. He could only imagine how it got there.

"It is," he agreed and put the list down. He let the maid pour him tea.

"Forgive me for talking out of place," she said. "But I feel like I know what you're thinking, looking at the guest list."

He took a sip. "And what was I thinking?"

Alice wore her knowing smile again. "The one thing you always think of. It's only a few hours till this gathering and all these people will come. The young master is of age and is quite the ideal bachelor. Surely, this ball will let a lot of people know just how ideal," she said as she laid down plates of cookies. "With all due respect, should you not act on your thoughts as soon as possible, Dr. Lavi sir?"

Was it that obvious? "Your craft seems more powerful than mine sometimes, to know things a man like myself is trying to hide. Tell me, is there a potion or spell that would allow such a dream to become reality?"

"I don't think you would need magic for that," she said. "People dream big and wonderful things when they close their eyes but these become lost in fear. The people themselves prevent them from being reality."

"And for good reason. Not all dreams are meant to be real. Unless you want to live in another world…"

"I'd say if you want it, take it. Why should things be more complicated than that?" Alice pressed his shoulder a little. "Magic or science, it seems pretty logical, don't you think?"

He could tell she was being supportive. He still had his doubts about her but when she talked to him like this about something he could never tell anyone, he could feel his doubts dissolving.

"Maybe that's where our beliefs differ," he said sadly. "We know what's possible and what's not. We work on facts and numbers and realities, not dreams or chasing after the impossible."

She chuckled slightly. "Ahh… but that's where you're wrong. Dreams are powerful, sir, it's what motivates and gives purpose to our lives! And we magic believers don't chase after the impossible. We find ways to _make_ them possible. We are rational too but we think outside the box. We take more risks and get greater rewards in the end that non-believers think are impossible."

Lavi stared at his cup for a long time, taking in her words. "I suppose facing the general's army with my scalpel is rational in your world then?"

Alice laughed again. "No, of course not, sir. Magic is governed by its laws, common logic, and a certain cunning is needed at times too. More importantly, it demands that you be braver. Not stupid, just _braver_."

Would he risk so much for it? How much did he want it?

"Why do you help me, Alice?" Lavi asked.

"Because you need help," she said immediately. "You seem so confused sir, for a man so smart. And my instincts tell me that you're the only one who could bring my master true happiness. Not to give you a hand would just be wrong."

Lavi was silent for a long time. His thoughts were racing inside his head, provoking even more thoughts and emotions. He felt more confused than he was before, yet things were also clearer.

* * *

><p>An hour before the sun set, Tiedoll was at a rampage looking for his godson, a mass of gray, wiry hair going hysterical as he checked each room of the mansion and spaces beneath each table cloth. Marie was trailing behind him, calmly asking the workers if they had seen Kanda but none knew his whereabouts. It was common knowledge that Kanda didn't answer to anyone though. They had seen enough of him to know that he came and went as he pleased so no one dared to ask him even if they did see him leaving.<p>

"Doctor Lavi!" Tiedoll called when he spotted Lavi emerging from the kitchens.

Lavi was surprised to see the man running towards him in a panic-stricken state. One of the ovens had stopped working and no one, for the life of them, could figure out why. Lavi was free so he decided to help.

"I should have seen this coming! Oh, Lavi, we are in trouble," Tiedoll informed him.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Yu. He's missing! I think he rode off to the mountains so he could avoid the ball," he said.

"It's fine sir," Lavi said. "I saw him a few hours ago. He went downtown to fix some things but he'll be back. I'm sorry I forgot to tell you."

Relief came over the general. "I see. That's really good to hear! I thought he had gone out and did something stupid. Yu's really rebellious sometimes. It's getting late though… he should be back by now. He had to get himself ready."

"Don't worry sir. I'm sure Yu's already on his way," he told him confidently. "I'll have Alice up to help him look neat and pretty in no time."

As it turned out, Kanda was back an hour later after that. Lavi was in his own room getting ready but he heard that Tiedoll gave him a whiny lecture and insisted to be involved in the dressing of his godson. He wasn't allowed to do so, predictably, but Tiedoll was happy he had at least won over the debate of Alice's importance at least.

"Do you even know how to do your tie, Yu-kun?" he had asked sternly. "You know how important this is. Most of our guest has not laid eyes on you since you were but a toddler, if they ever had laid eyes on you at all. They have great respect for your parents and it's time to introduce you as their successor, young but thoroughly ready to take them on!"

"Tch," Kanda said. "You make it sound like I'm going inside the lion's den or something."

Tiedoll considered this for a moment. "It sort of is. You know of this."

Kanda nodded vaguely. If there were any abundant memories he had with his father and mother, it was the few lessons they have imparted him about running this business. As young as he was, his general father often told him about the important of 'masks.' It was worn by every man and woman that dined with them in the big hall. He had wondered how he can say that when Kanda didn't see anyone wearing any mask and his father pointed out that they were all smiling. "That's their mask."

"Fine. Alice can help," he finally said.

So when Lavi arrived at the hall, his first intention was to behold the fruits of Alice's labor.

The hall was filled with ladies and gentlemen in fine and fancy clothing. Older men wearing the military uniform walked with straight backs in their high leather boots, proudly wearing their badges and medals on their chests. On their arms were their ladies in their silks, perfumes, and jewelries. Their chatter and laughs hung in the air, over the cheerful yet quaint tune being played by the orchestra. Servers roam around balancing trays of drinks and bites. Lavi fished his alcohol as one passed by.

The music was louder as he went into the garden. The night air was a little chilly but he decided it was pleasant and sipped his drink. There were more younger people there, less prim and proper but definitely acting as befit their families. It was still early afterall, and Lavi wanted to see how much longer they could keep on their façade as more drinks were consumed and the small laughs and subtle flirting turn into something more.

He admired the decorations again. He couldn't help it. Night covered the sky with a blanket of darkness and faint silver light of the moon and stars. The candles glowed golden and warm like a field of small suns. Gold and Silver. Yet the white and the blues still managed to shine through.

White and blue.

If there was a black flower, he would have picked that but there was none and it would hardly be appropriate for a gathering meant for celebration. A white rose reminded him of Kanda's weird sort of innocence. The blue were his eyes and hair.

Lavi scoffed at how his train of thought led him to his patient again. He found an empty table and took another sip. He distracted himself by watching the guests fool around. Some were already dancing.

"May I join you?"

He looked up and found one of the guests smiling at him, a drink in hand. She looked pretty wearing a yellow dress that went to her knees while her golden hair was fixed in a shiny bun. Her face looked familiar, the kind of pretty face that everyone liked. Lavi thought he liked it too.

"Sure," he said pleasantly, returning her smile.

"I'm Lauren," she said.

"You look quite stunning, Lauren," he replied. "The name is Lavi."

She giggled. "Lavi? That's a weird name."

"Oh? I hope you'll forgive me then. One so unlucky to have a queer a name as mine… I'll make up for it in wits. You have my word."

"I like men with wits. I like your name too," she said and flashed him a flirty grin. "Besides, you look quite dashing yourself."

"I do, don't I?" he said and that made her giggle again.

"So what do you do, Lavi? What happened to your eye?"

"Whoa… one at a time," he said playfully. "An accident at childhood made me lose my eye. I'm a doctor now. Imagine the irony."

Her eyes turned round. "Oh my! So you're the young doctor that everyone's talking about! You are the one who had cured General Kanda's only son."

It was his turn to be surprised. "How did you… Everyone's talking about _me_?"

"Oh yes," she said. "My dad told me once that he'll marry me off to General Kanda's son but he fell ill. It was a long time ago though. His sickness was known to many families."

"I see," Lavi said.

It was not uncommon for arranged marriages in these families. A lot of them had acquired wealth and power through holding prominent offices, trading, and a lot more through connections. Lavi supposed a lot of them would want a linkage to Kanda's family through marrying him too.

She nodded. "We used to always talk about him, me and my friends when we when were little, about who will marry him. We've seen him once in a gathering at the capital, you see. He's a little younger than us but he was really pretty, like a doll. With his long, black hair that almost touched his shoulders and those big blue eyes. My mother always said he'd grow up a handsome man. I'm so excited to see him! What's he like now?"

Lavi smiled. "Your mother is right. He is a very good looking man. Unbound, his hair touches his thighs now," he said and she seemed very happy. "I trust he hasn't joined the guests yet then?"

"No, he hasn't," she said with a disappointed face.

"Don't look so glum. You have me here," he said and she smiled.

"So tell me about him. Come, I heard you're inseparable."

"Maybe," Lavi relented. How in the world did she hear about _that_?

"My friend's personal maid came from these parts. His father worked for Kanda's field all his life. She said you're always with him whenever he visited," she said.

"Well," he said, thinking of something to say. She was the sort who liked to gossip, he decided. Whatever he confided would surely be heard by many. "He is a bit antisocial, to tell you the truth. Don't tell anyone that though."

She nodded eagerly, egging him on.

"He is always angry and grumpy. He complains about everything. He—"

The sudden silence cut him off. The orchestra had suddenly stopped playing and the garden had gone quiet. Lavi turned to the stairs and saw that some of the people had gathered there and others still were making their way to see closer. He could see Tiedoll's wiry mass and Marie's bald head. His hand twitched at the sight of unmistakable black.

"Let's get closer," Lauren suggested and he didn't need telling twice.

They cut through the crowd, Lauren politely tiptoeing in between gowns and suits while Lavi all but pushed his way until he was in front which earned some curses and several angry looks. He didn't mind though, especially when he finally saw him.

Kanda was wearing a traditional black yukata with a red sash around his waist. He had worn his hair in a low ponytail that eliminated any harshness from his face. Mugen was sheathed beside him. Lavi thought his patient looked very nice indeed especially the nonchalant expression on his face. He knew that face. It was Kanda's face when he was extremely uncomfortable or annoyed or embarrassed but was trying to hide it. He could barely hear General Tiedoll's speech at the moment as his eye, he found out, couldn't leave the sight of Kanda for a second. Before he knew it, Tiedoll's speech was at its end.

"Without further delay, I present my good friend's only son, may his soul be at peace, and heir, Kanda Yu," he announced happily and then there was deafening claps and cheers. Yu took a solemn bow and stiffly acknowledged his godfather. His cheeks burned crimson when a group of young guests made lewd catcalls and his hand immediately went to Mugen's handle. Tiedoll caught his arm quickly and led him away. They walked down the steps and were welcomed by a crowd of elderly dignitaries.

Kanda must have felt his gaze as he looked up and immediately caught his eye. He looked surprised and nervous, and he quickly looked away, staring at the crowd but not really looking at anyone. That made Lavi smile.

"I propose a toast to the young master's recovery and good health!" cried a fat merchant beside Lavi. As he raised his glass, the stones on his fingers sparkled in the candlelight.

"To good health!" echoed everyone before they drank.

"To good health," he said too and raised his glass. He made his way to Kanda but he was surrounded by well-wishers in all directions. Later, Lavi thought and waited for the hoard to pass but as soon as they moved away, another group came and then another. For the rest of the night, Lavi watched and waited for his turn that never came until he was pulled away from the sidelines by Lauren. She dragged him to her friends, a group of young aspiring heirs hoping to see a glimpse of their new member, or so they thought.

Lavi entertained them for a while, which was sad because he felt like their company was enjoyable had he not been distracted and impatient at the moment. Lauren introduced him as Kanda's savior and just like her, they made him tell things about his patient. He humored them of course, using his high form of sarcasm that some people took seriously.

"You are very clever," said Milton, a young man of twenty-five, learning the ropes of their family's mining business.

"Well, he's a doctor. What do you expect?" Lauren said.

"You are too kind, rich people," Lavi told them.

"We're going to invite Kanda to my birthday. You should come," Milton said.

"Sure," he said.

Time passed slowly and quickly before the grandfather clock was chiming twelve times from the big hall. The crowd had gone a little thinner but even livelier, proving his alcohol consumption theory. He himself felt a little happier but not happy enough. Looking around, his patient was nowhere in sight. He excused himself from his new acquaintances.

It wasn't long before he found him lurking in a dark corner of the high balcony of his bedroom. He had changed into his usual suite, high boots, and riding trousers. His hair was still in the loose ponytail though. Kanda leaned on the stone ledge that overlooked the garden, hidden under the shade of tall pine that stood near his window. He wasn't watching the party though. Lavi could see that his attention was directed up in the sky, starry and black.

This was where he first saw him. He remembered how Kanda's hair had swayed with the wind when he spotted him from the carriage Bookman and him were riding. That was months ago.

"Not enjoying the party?" he said, walking towards him and stopping just behind him. He considered if he should lean on the balcony too or…

"You looked like you're enjoying," Kanda said, still staring up.

_Was that jealousy I'm hearing? _He smiled. "You were watching me?"

Kanda looked back to shoot him a glare but didn't say anything. He turned his gaze to the party.

"You are very selfish," he continued and decided to join his patient. He spotted the group he had been talking to earlier and motioned to them. "They were so very eager to meet you and here you are, denying them and keeping yourself reserved. I'm not complaining though."

"Stop talking like that."

"Talking like what?"

"You know goddam what."

They stared at each other for a while until Kanda looked away. He moved a bit closer, feeling a little triumphant when his patient did not move away. "I don't want to stop."

"You should and you will."

"Why should I?"

"Because," he said glancing at him, "it's not funny. I don't fucking care if you find amusement by doing this but it makes me feel—"

"Makes you feel what exactly?" he challenged softly.

"Stupid. It makes me feel fucking _stupid_," he said. "And you just like doing that, don't you? Because you know I can't send you away or really cause you harm. All this stupid things you randomly say…"

Lavi shook his head. "You think I'm playing with you. Have you even considered that I might not be joking? That I meant it?"

"Tch. You don't value your life, do you?"

"I have _kissed_ you. I've stuck my tongue down your throat kissing you," he said angrily. "What else need I do to spell it out? Stop pretending like you don't know."

And there it was, finally out in the open. Kanda stared at him through confused, angry, blue eyes. He watched him, feeling relieved to have finally said it out loud but that feeling was quickly turning into anxiety and fear. Kanda stood there saying nothing. _He thinks it's disgusting. He won't let me touch him again. He won't go near me again._

"Yu, I'm…"

He shouldn't have said it. It was stupid. Why did he say it?

But as Kanda recovered from the shock of the unsaid confession and started shaking his head again in denial, rage suddenly filled Lavi, rage like he had never felt before, and he found himself marching to him. He tried to grab him by the arms but Kanda was quick and deflected his hands smoothly. That only angered him further and he snatched his ponytail and pulled hard. Caught off guard, Kanda lost his balance a little and he pushed him back against the railing right under the pine's shadow.

He could feel him breathing hard as he held his arms behind him and he stepped closer so that Kanda was leaning on his back to avoid his face.

"Make any sound and they'll see you," Lavi said, looking down at Kanda's angry face. He tried to free his hands behind him but Lavi found a new strength in his grip that made it impossible.

"Get off me, fucking pervert."

"You're not making that idea appealing."

"I'll skin you alive! I'll—f" Kanda cut himself short as he leaned even further away to avoid Lavi who suddenly leaned in.

"That time when we kissed, I distinctly remember you kissing back," he said.

"You're delusional."

"Stop lying to yourself," he hissed. "You already know how I feel. Tell me, why did you kiss back?"

Kanda was silent. The wind blew against the leaves, rustling them and mingling with the soft sounds of violins and people laughing. He heard nothing from Kanda but his silence answered him more honestly than any words he could have said. His anger evaporated. Slowly, he let Kanda go. Kanda massaged his wrists and tried to push him back but he didn't move.

"You said I could ask for anything in exchange for doing you a favor."

"What?" he asked suspiciously.

"When I did your paperwork. That mess with the fat guy," Lavi elaborated. "Let me kiss you again."

"I never agreed to that."

"Liar"

He held his face firmly and wrapped an arm around his waist to pull him close. Kanda jumped a little but he allowed it. Even in the darkness, he could see him blushing while he looked at Lavi's chest, refusing to meet his gaze.

"It's fine if you can't say it out loud yet. It's fine if you accuse me of being a pervert after this when we're in front of everyone. But now it's just you and me. Please let go, Yu… and be true."

He leaned in and the other's eyes shut, in disgust or surrender he wasn't really sure. Maybe in both... And in fear. Such a strong willed person to be so afraid of a simple touch, _his _touch.

He lightly brushed his lips against his and then press them softly. The other's hands shook, tightly grasping Lavi's arms. They clasped tighter as he deepened the kiss, opening his mouth and licking Kanda's slightly parted ones. He nipped at his lower lip and sucked a little before slowly sliding his tongue in and feeling Kanda's heartbeat race faster, body trembling. A cross between a whimper and a moan escaped his muffled mouth as Lavi went in deeper, angling their faces to taste him better.

He opened his eye and watched Kanda's closed ones as he continued to kiss him. He wanted to see those blue eyes while they did this to see through him, and really know what the other was feeling. He shifted slightly and broke the kiss but did not completely pulled back.

"Yu," he murmured close to his ear. Kanda's eyes fluttered open but he refused to meet his gaze. Lavi's chest ached with how the other was acting, too much like hesitant reciprocity. He smiled and caught a few strands of Kanda's hair swaying softly in the night breeze. He kissed them and tucked them behind his patient's ear. "Look at me."

Hesitantly, Kanda met his eye. Lavi's insides jumped at being under the gaze of those eyes again, but he smiled wider. Not much in this world could make him feel so nervous yet curiously happy in the same time. He pressed their foreheads together. "Tell me you don't hate me. Let me stay by your side, Yu."

Kanda's eyes did not falter. "You-"

And suddenly, the moment was lost. Lavi waited, yearned, for him to say the words he so wanted to hear but they did not come. For one sickening moment, he was consumed by the belief that Kanda was pushing him away again until he realized Kanda was shaking And breathing fast. "Yu?"

Kanda's eyes widened. "I..." he tried but the words seemed stuck in his throat. His hands released their grip from Lavi and found their way to his neck. Eye's watering and full of fear, Kanda fell on the floor.

"Yu!" Lavi screamed over the orchestra music. He put him in his arms and for a split second he just watched helplessly. _What is happening?!_

His old reflexes kicked in and he was soon laying Kanda on the floor, loosening his shirt, and checking his vital signs. Breathing and pulse rate were becoming steady. The hands that had grasped his arms to tightly that Lavi's sleeves almost ripped were now limp. "Yu, can you hear me?"

There was no response.

He lightly tapped him on the cheeks. Nothing.

The moonlight was strong enough that night to help him see one important thing. Under Kanda's lidded eyes, they were moving. Somehow, Lavi knew this wasn't the same as the other times.

* * *

><p><em>Like plunging into deep, cold water, Kanda found himself wandering into a familiar site with panic and fear. Wounds and hurts he didn't recall having were cut anew all at once, hitting him hard and wracking his body. The moon hung low and bright above him but the shadow of the familiar pine tree shielded him.<em>

_Just like being in the cold water, the memories of warmth and safety rang in his ears but something kept him from remembering completely like a cloud. But it was all coming back now. There was music. Stars. There were laughing from down his balcony. All of them were gone. All was left was the cold. And terror._

_"Yu"_

_His eyes widened in fear. He knew that voice. He ran and leaned against the ledge._

_"Yu"_

_He climbed onto it without hesitation. The wind picked up and the small bushes below rustled. He heard the balcony door opened and he jumped._

* * *

><p><span>Author's note: <span>

Sorry for taking so looong! I admit I got lazy and distracted, the Hobbit movie came out and then there was this super awesome live action adaptation of Ruruoni Kenshin that might have renewed my love for the series. Speaking of RK, I wrote a oneshot Sano/Kenshin fic last month and it's sadly lacking reviews. It's called 'Umbra.' In the sea of Kaoru/Kenshin fics, I knew my slash fic would be running head on to a solid wall but I gave it a shot anyway. So if you are into RK and have time to kill, please do read it. I will appreciate it greatly.

Thanks for reading this very late update! Hope you enjoyed. Please review. Onegaishimasu! :D


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own D Gray Man. I do not make money from writing this. Please don't sue. I'm quite broke.

Warning: Explicit yaoi content for this chapter. Unbeta'ed. Possibly some OOCness.

* * *

><p><strong>Insomnia Chapter 11: Nightmare<strong>

He was falling fast. Cold air rsuhed through his hair and loose clothing as he went face down and arms spread apart like a flightless bird. The bushes below were growing bigger and his insides felt like he had left them behind as he jumped. Kanda closed his eyes and braced for the impact.

"I am hurt."

The feeling of weightlessness caused by his dive was suddenly gone. Kanda opened his eyes to find that his body was suspended in midair, his face just a few feet from the ground.

"You would rather..."

Suddenly, an invisible force pulled his body upwards and he was soaring into the night before falling back down the balcony from where he had jumped. His plunge was abruptly stopped for the second time for a split second before harshly letting him fall gracelessly on the ground.

He felt like he was missing things. There was music in the air and laughing from below the balcony. There was warmth on his skin. There were stars in the sky. All of them were gone, except the cold and darkness.

"Jump off three floors from the balcony..."

As he positioned his hands in front of him to lift himself off the floor, wound and hurts he didn't know he had opened anew, all at once. Intense pain made the muscles of his arms, legs, back, sides, and everywhere scream. Kanda felt his cheek rub against the stone as fell again. He was a heap of limbs and hair on the floor and he just couldn't get up.

"Than to feel my touch...?"

The miniscule grains of rocks crunched under the soles of leather shoes with every slow, deliberate step towards Kanda's tensed form. It stopped abruptly in front of him, casting him under a shadow. The pain stopped but it was replaced by an invisible weight on his back that pushed his body flat against the floor.

"You're not trying to kill yourself now, are you?"

A hand roughly grabed him by the his hair and pulled, forcing him to face the man, no _being_, in front of him. The cruelty of the action greatly contrasted with the calmness and monotonousness of the rich, deep voice. Steel gray eyes met his blue ones with intensity and subtle malice, the only indication of the true nature lying beneath the angelic, handsome features framed by golden locks. He was clad in a black suit that made him look like an ordinary man working at some office.

But Kanda knew he was anything but. He knew those eyes, those hands, his scent. His mere _presence_. He was a demon guised as a man.

"It makes me think that you don't like me."

Kanda's hair was released and he felt the hand slide down his cheek, fingers tracing his jaw until it reached his chin. His face was slowly maneuvered from side to side while those gray orbs watched him with longing. Kanda returned it with a glare.

"I would have thought that I've extinguished all the fire in you."

A thumb stroked his lips roughly, repeatedly and he tried to move away to no avail. The urge to push the man away and get away from his touch was strong.

"Is that what he do to you?"

Slowly but just as roughly, the thumb pushed itself in between his lips and touched his tongue. Kanda felt his eyes watering, disgust filling his abdomen as it moved to the back of his mouth, gagging him. He jerked his head away in reflex but the rest ofthe fingers held him beneath his jaw.

"A little time on the other side has rekindled your fire so much..."

He tried to move his head away again and failed. He coughed when the hand was gone and spat on the floor.

"It makes me want to put it out."

Arms were suddenly beneath him and he was lifted off the floor. The cold night air had been welcoming compared to the sudden warmth coming from the body that held him in his arms. He hated it. He was angry. He wanted to beat him up and break all the bones in his body until Kanda could no longer muster a punch. But he couldn't do anything.

"I've missed you."

_No...! No! No! No! No!_

"I'll show you just how much."

Panic quickly took over. Fear ran through his heart, beating it mercilessly against his chest. He felt sick.

"No... Lavi..." Kanda muttered, finally finding his voice.

The man looked at him softly, mocking him with a sad gaze. "He won't come. He can't reach you here. You are mine now, Yu. Forever."

Kanda watched the moon as he felt himself move, swaying gently like a limp bride in those strong arms filled with faux tenderness. He felt a kiss on his forehead and he forced his eyes to stay on the moon, as if to desperately hold on to it until darkness engulfed him inside his bedroom.

* * *

><p>"La...vi"<p>

The said doctor tore away from his books and rushed to Kanda's side. Lavi watched his eyelids flicker ever so slightly and he grabbed the other's hand, kissing it as he watched and waited, praying for those eyes to open. He squeezed it tightly and pressed it against his cheek with desperation. Soon, Kanda's eyes relaxed and his face was peaceful again.

But Lavi knew something was wrong. Every fiber of his being screamed that. Even as he watched the sleeping face, the rhythmic rising and falling of his chest, the thought tortured him with devious certainty. It had been three days since the great ball and he put his patient to sleep for the last time. He had expected it to happen of course but right then, the feeling began to eat him.

The rest of the people in the mansion didn't share his silent sentiments though. Right after the ball, Tiedol had visited his godson's chambers to watch him sleep, telling Lavi that the sight of him sleeping was one that gave him joy after all those years of trouble with Kanda's insomnia.

The sun was setting again and night had crept back into the world when the general had voiced his concern. "Did he always sleep like this?"

"No, sir," Alice had answered carefully. "This has been... the longest master had been asleep."

Bookman and Lavi did what they can, monitoring Kanda's vital signs and conducting tests but they didn't find much and the patient stayed asleep. Kanda was in some state of comatose that both of them knew, the patient was the only one who could do anything about it. Their concerns were that this might continue on and soon, Kanda's unconscious body will be starving. Unable to eat, they had to provide nourishment and hydration themselves.

Bookman left to get supplies and the special equipment he had been developing for such a case. He had shown the apparatus to his apprentice numerous times and had tried out needle on him too. It was working for the most part.

But as Lavi was left in the mansion, he felt helpless. He rummaged through his books and kits in desperate hope of finding answers but nothing about Kanda's case wasn't covered the first few weeks Lavi began handling it.

So he stayed by his side, waiting. In his mind he kept recounting the events of three days ago but he couldn't find any new variable. He had touched him before, kissed him before, so why did this happen?

"You should get some rest," Tiedol said and patted The young doctor's shoulder lightly.

Lavi was startled for a moment but he quickly recovered. The general thought the young man looked paler than usual and much of his energy and spirit had gone. He also noted how he was holding his godson's hand. "Did he wake up yet?"

Lavi shook his head. "His breathing, pulse, everything was as it was an hour ago. Stable but he hasn't opened his eyes yet."

There was silence again until Tiedol spoke. "There was an urgent call from the military base for Marie and I but I sent him ahead. I can only stay here for a few more days."

Lavi nodded again as he turned to the general. "I will do my best for Kanda. Once gramps is back, we'll be able to feed nutrients dirctly to Yu's bloodstream."

Tiedol nodded back and smiled. "More to that, Yu told me that he has given you charge of the construction project. He said you have the supplies list, and plan layouts."

"I am working on it with the new engineer," he replied.

"Then you must see him at once," Tiedol said, "I am sure he needs your help down town since Yu-kun hadn't visited for three days."

There was authority and firmness in that gentle voice that Lavi did not protest. He made his way to the stables after a quick change of clothes to find Alice waiting for him. She too looked tired.

"You mustn't leave him," she said when he entered.

He saddled his horse and led him out before mounting. "There are responsibilites Kanda left me that I must fullfill. I'll be back in a few hours."

"He needs you by his side," she said. "Why are you running away?"

"I'm not running," he said and he left.

* * *

><p>It was a fifteen minute ride through well vegetated roads and open fields. The town lay near the wide river but all the beauty did not help him forget what was waiting for him back at the mansion.<p>

As soon as he arrived at the site, several workers and young girls with their costumary baskets crowded around him, all wearing confused expressions.

"Where is Master Kanda?" asked one of the girls.

Lavi sighed. "He isn't feeling well today so he sent me. Where is Will?"

The new engineer quickly came forth, looking grumpy and sweaty. Lavi immediately engaged the man in conversation about the dam, glad that he didn't have to deal with the rest of the questions about Kanda. He didn't feel talkative today.

But that didn't mean he wasn't able to hear them.

"The young master has fallen ill again..."

"I saw him at the ball. He looked well."

"So sudden..."

"... really sad."

"First the lady, then the general."

"... can't be a curse!"

"Maybe they were just unlucky. Poor lad, he hasn't even married..."

Lavi couldn't stand the way they just gossiped about Kanda. There was some truth to them and others were lies but he found he didn't like hearing about any of them. So he quickly finished up and rode off, mailing papers and visiting the supplies warehouse. It was a lot of work, at least more than he had thought, and it was already late in the afternoon when he had finished.

He wandered around for some time until deciding that he needed alcohol. Lavi rode straight for the pub he had visited months ago, just outside town. It was even more empty than the last time, probably because the sun was still out and the workers were still in the fields. He had company though, an old man passed out on one of the tables probably drunk. There were two others on their way out, blacksmiths. And then there was another old man sitting at the end of the bar with a dirty woolen hood on.

"What will you have?" the familiar burly bartender asked as he sat.

"A tall one," he replied.

The bartender gave him a look that said he remembered him before quickly filling a tall mug with ale. He set it down in front of Lavi and went to the back, behind a rickety swinging door, leaving the doctor with his thoughts.

Lavi sighed and lifted the mug to take a sip. Before he could do so however, a hand had caught his arm to prevent him. He looked to his side and found the old man staring at him.

"You need your wits about you, boy. Don't go clouding it with that stuff," he said in a voice that told him he was actually a granny.

"What do you want?" Lavi asked and let her put the mug down.

She quickly looked around the empty bar and scartched her nose. "You telling the truth, boy? Kanda Yu got sick again?"

"I don't have time for gossip," he said.

"Me neither so answer me true," she growled.

He shifted back slightly, suddenly weary. "Yes, but it isn't serious," he lied and immediately regretted it.

"Do not lie to me, boy doctor," she hissed, still scratching her nose and then her arm. "I'm not the enemy."

_Enemy_

She reached inside the pocket of her ragged cloak and retrieved a carrot. It snapped with a loud crunch as she took a bite off, holding it like a chicken leg. She chewed it thoroughly and loudly.

"Really, who are you?" Lavi asked. It can't be...

She swallowed, put the rest of the carrot back in her pocket and grabbed him by the arm. "You're coming with me," she informed him before dragging him to the exit with surprising strength that an old lady shouldn't have.

They walked to the side of the street and Lavi yelped when she headed straight for the tall, woody, bushes. They caught him in face and hair despite his free arm shielding himself uselessly. Meanwhile, the old woman all but tore her way through, making a fresh path among the poor shrubs like a sharp scalpel through tough skin.

They reached an old narrow dirt road and she led them there, half dragging, half carrying the terrified doctor with one arm. She ignored all queries about their destination and she continued to walk, scartching her skin with the other arm all the while or munching on the carrot. Soon they were in the forest and it took several more minutes before she stopped at a clearing.

"You better be talking now," Lavi said, not really knowing what to expect.

Just then, the woman took off her cloak with a grunt. He didn't see it before because the pub was dark but in the open, numerous boils and warts covered her face, neck, and arms. Her skin looked like it was bleeding at places and as though on cue, she scratched her arms and nose before getting her carrot again.

"Not before you tell me the truth first," she mumbled.

Though he didn't know what will happen, his instincts told him that he wasn't in danger. He had to let this unfold.

"Kanda Yu has fallen asleep three days ago and has not yet woken up," he finally said after much debate with himself. "Your turn."

"So it's come to this," she mumbled to herself and turned to Lavi. She eyed him from head to foot. "You broke my lady's spell."

"I broke... wait, your lady?" he asked. "You don't mean Yu's mother, do you?"

She nodded.

"And what spell are you talking about?"

She took another bite. "I assume you've heard of rumors about a curse surrounding the Kanda family?"

Lavi did but he didn't know if he believed those despite the many things he'd seen that told him to. He just nodded.

"It's not true," she said. "Not the whole family is cursed, only the son. And that curse was placed on him by his mother, my lady."

His hand rolled to a fist. "So... it's true then? Yu's mother really did curse him..."

"You know of this?" she asked in mild shock. "How?"

"I've heard of it. It doesn't matter," he said feeling himself getting angry once more as though hearing the information for the first time. "It's all her fault, his own mother. Now Yu is dying and it's because of her..."

"Stop your whining. You broke her spell, didn't I tell you?" she said.

"Then explain to me why he is not waking up no matter what I do!"

Her eyes softened and Lavi thought they were familiar. "Kanda Yu was never meant to live long. My lady cursed him so that he will never fall asleep once he nears his comcing of age. It was only this that she could do to save him from a much darker fate."

She walked to a big rock and slumped down, wincing. "She did it knowing it will cost him his life and it must have hurt her more than anything knowing that."

Lavi stayed silent. This wasn't the story he had heard exactly.

"The spirit she had to bind was very powerful that not even my lady could kill. It is born of darkness and had been dwelling there for a long time, waiting for the chance that it's magic could reach a desperate heart and cross over. If my lady was guilty of anything, it was of loving her family too much and striking that deal with the spirit. She never realized just how much it envied the living and craved for life... for dominance over it.

"For our souls are safe even as we visit the night lands in our sleep, the spirit couldn't touch the boy that had caught its attention. It needed to be cunning so he used my lady's love to get closer. I've warned her but she did not listen. I've told her it was after the boy..."

"But you said it cannot touch the living so how?" he asked, dreading the answer. He didn't like where the story was heading.

"The only way was for the spirit to take that soul to the night lands where it has complete power," she said. "My lady knew of this, and because of her mistake she had accidentally created a bond between that land and her boy's soul... in his dreams."

"No..." Lavi muttered. "It can't be."

"That is why she cursed him, to prevent the spirit from using that bond to take his soul away. And now that he had fallen asleep for a long time, it is likely that it has succeeded and the curse was broken."

Lavi stared at her disbelievingly. "You're telling me that Yu's soul has been dragged into some other dimension and that it's my fault for helping him fall asleep?"

She nodded. "But it isn't your fault. It seems that you've been deceived."

"I don't understand! How can that be? How could I have broken the curse?" he asked.

"Cursing someone is like putting on a gamble. You depend on a certain thing and then what you want will happen. My lady depended on her husband's love for their son as the strongest love the young master would ever have on this world once she is gone. To make a curse as powerful as that, she had to gamble on the boy's strength and his ability to close himself off from those around him. In effect nobody, absolutely nobody, can break through, human or not."

"_Why is he living in the country side and not in London?" Lavi asked._

_"It was the general's decision a long time ago," Bookman answered._

Did the late general know of this curse? Was it why he left Yu to live on his own in that mansion?

For a father to abandon his son to living alone, Lavi had always thought Kanda's father must have been depressed and distanced himself from Yu to protect himself since Yu reminded him so much of his dead wife. But if that was not the case, it would only mean that he left him alone to isolate him from other people to strengthen the curse. Was it a sacrifice to him? That would undoubtedly strengthen the odds his wife had gambled on for the curse. Did it hurt him knowing Yu would never form any bonds with others?

The old woman spat and gave him a glare. "He was supposed to live the rest of his short life in peace."

Lavi was not able to hold the words in. "Then I'm glad I broke the curse or it would have killed him! I don't understand why you're acting like it is okay to sentence someone to a slow painful death!"

She sneered. "You think you're saving him by prolonging his life?"

He frowned.

"Nothing awaits that boy but pain and misery! Had you left him to die, his soul would have been safe and passed on. No boy doctor, you did not save him. You broke the curse and enabled a ruthless monster to steal him away! There's no life in the night lands. No, only an existence of torture and you gave it to him!"

Lavi could feel panic building in his chest. His knees gave and he fell on the dirt, hands shaking unconsciously. He shook his head, rejecting what she was saying for it was so horrible that it just couldn't be true.

* * *

><p>The air was humid and stuffy in the room that his hair was plastered on his face because of sweat. His nose was assaulted by the smell of his own body mingled with that of the other. He was on his bed, lying on his stomach, shuddering in his nakedness.<p>

He grasped the sheets tightly, nails digging into the fabric. He could feel his sweat running down his face and his bare back as he gasped and buried his face against the bed. There were fingers squeezing his inner thighs, caressing without any hint of gentleness. His legs were pinned under the weight of the body of the wretched creature violating him.

"So innocent..."

He felt them slide against his skin closer and closer to his private area. He shut his eyes when he felt the golden locks graze the skin of his ass and a hot breath moistened it. Something slid inside him and he bit his lip, desperately trying to keep the screams from escaping. There was a laugh.

"Don't hold it in, my dear. I want to hear you."

It slid deeper, rubbing against his walls and losening him. He was breathing heavily now and wasn't able to hold back the scream as more slid in, ripping him apart.

"That's right, scream for me."

The squelching sound was enough to make him sick. He threw his head from side to side, welcoming any distraction from what was going on. It felt forever until suddenly, he was empty and temporary relief washed over his shaking body.

But of course it wasn't over. He could feel the other crouching over him as he went up, running his hands along his sides until he reached Kanda's ear. The breath was against his cheek now. Dread came over him, knowing that his ordeal was far from over and the worst was about to come.

"Turn over."

Wordlessly, he obeyed and maneuvered himself against the body on top of him, hating each time a part of his skin accidentally rubbed and slid against it, until he was lying on his back and facing the being.

The grey eyes watched him unabashedly, searching his face, neck and the rest of him with unmasked hunger and lust. A hand caressed his cheek and went down to his neck.

"Be good."

His attacker leaned down, pressing their chests together as he captured his lips in a slow, deep kiss. The tongue quickly invaded his mouth and he let it, doing nothing as it rubbed against his and went down deeper like a vile snake. He felt that the other was displeased though, so he forced himself to slide his tongue in response and sucked lightly, hoping to make amends. Saliva ran down the corners of his mouth. He could feel it inside too, sliding down the back of his throat and forcing him to swallow while his insides screamed in disgust.

The being pulled back slowly and flashed him a malicious, lustful smile. Kanda was still dazed by the suffocating kiss, mouth-fuck really, when his lips were retaken more forcefully and more eagerly this time that he felt like it was trying to suck his insides through his mouth. He didn't bother feigning participation anymore as he weakly pushed against the slick shoulders.

A loud slap hit him on the side of his face and he was dizzy. The skin burned in pain.

"I told you to be good."

The tone of that voice was dangerous. He better not make another mistake.

"Be still..."

Hands grabbed his legs from under his knees and pulled them apart. He was exposed. Cruel eyes looked down on him like a predator savoring the moment before the kill. He entered him in one forceful thrust.

Pain. Kanda drowned his ears in screams he never knew he was capable of making. The pure, unrelenting pain ripped him from the deepest depths of his being and his whole body convulsed. Tears ran down his cheeks in steady streams. His arms flailed above his head to grab on to something while his legs moved wildly in their restraints, all in an attempt to get away.

A deep, perverted laugh cut across his ears and hands found their way to his slim hips, dragging him down and burrying the intruding organ deeper within him. He choked and screamed again and again, his voice broken and full of terror even to his own ears.

"Mine"

The body on top of him did not move as if savoring the feel of being inside Kanda's lithe body. It bent forward and caught his wrists, pinning them painfully on the sides of his head and he shut his eyes. A tongue slid across his cheek making him shudder in disgust.

"Look at me"

The command automatically made his eyes open. He was met with the lustful gaze of the other. Slowly, the tongue protruded out and languidly ran on his lips.

He swallowed thickly, knowing full well what was being demanded of him. He complied, parting his lips and letting the wet appendage slide in.

Without warning, the other pulled out from his ass just to swiftly pound back in with terrible force. His screams was swallowed by the assaulting mouth as the other started to pound into him deeply, repeatedly. There was no pleasure. Not a hint of hope or reprieve. There was only pain that seemed to go on for eternity.

When his mouth was released, his jaw hung slack. His screams and pants came in pained, ragged breaths, dizzying him and lulling him to the edge but never letting him slide to unconsiousness. It was cruel. As if fucking him senseless was not enough, the being stared down at the pale colar bone as if mesmerized before sinking in his teeth and breaking the skin to release the crimson liquid of life. Kanda vaguely registered the knew pain on his body, too distracted by the repeated assault in his ass to notice that the other was lapping on the wound, sucking and drinking his essence.

The being threw his head back with a pleasured sigh, not breaking his brutal rhythm as he fucked the boy beneath him. He smiled at his prey's pitiful state before reaching for the boy's arm and drawing the wrist to his mouth. He licked it and smiled wickedly as his vicitim met his eyes before breaking the skin with his teeth.

Kanda gasped even deeper at the pain. He pulled at his arm but the hold on it was solid as a rock. He could see his blood trickling down the side of his captor's lips and he cursed. He pleaded in his head for everything to stop. He did not want to feel any of it any longer. He desperately wished for his body to become unconscious but he somehow knew it was impossible. He wished for his body to go numb but as the rape and all the terrible things happen, he realized there was no way. Each hurt inflicted on his body screamed painfully like the first time every time, fresh and raw. There was no getting used to it. Each thrust hurt just as much as the one before.

His mouth was recaptured into another brutal kiss, making taste his own blood.

"Pain is your gift, human," it said against his mouth. "It is a sign of life"

A particularly deep thrust forcefully burried the burning flesh in him as if to punctuate his words. Instead of pulling out however, it remained in there and began pounding in to him more rapidly and even more deeply. He groaned, feeling his whole body tremble with each thrust.

"And your body, my beautiful prey, makes me feel just as alive."

* * *

><p>What could be worse than death?<p>

Lavi found no words to speak of his rejection of everything he had heard. He stared at the ground and the trees, looking wildly around in the hope finding solace. He looked at the mysterious woman who was accusing him of the very thing he was striving against since he took the role of being Kanda's doctor.

She offered him nothing, not comfort nor any further accusations. She was munching on another carrot and scratching her skin. But he knew she was watching him.

"If what you're saying is true," he began and the ringing of her words truthfullness resounded in his head," if my patient really has fallen pray to an evil being and is now being held captive in some other world, is there any way to save him?"

Her eyes softened. "There are always ways in magic but not all of them are definite. Meddling with such big elements is very dangerous but all ways lead to them."

"How do I know if I should trust you? Tell me who you are and your purpose if you will," he said.

"But you already trust me," she said offhandedly and he agreed silently. "And as I've said, I was a servant of Lady Kanda. As such, it is my duty to watch over her son."

He didn't know what to make of that but he was sure she was on his side at least. Things had spiraled completely out of his control and understanding. He was getting into something dangerous, he knew it, and there was no going back. "You remind me of someone."

She didn't say anything but waited.

"She is a believer of magic too. She told me that it is governed also by laws and that it requires you to be-"

"Braver," she finished for him. The wrinkles on her face etched more deeply in worry.

Lavi stared at him. "You... I know you're the one who wrote me that warning about the enemy. Did you mean Alice?"

She stood abruptly, eyes wild as she grabbd front of the doctor's shirt. "How do you know about my daughter?"

He pushed her and attempted to free himself but her unnatural strenght kept him. "So it wasn't you then? You are not the one who warned me about Alice?"

"I warned you about the enemy but I was talking about the spirit possessing the mansion," she hissed and pulled him closer. He coould see the ugly blotches of skin and black rotten teeth of her open mouth. "How did you know about my daughter!?"

"She is at the mansion! She was brought in by my mentor to work as Yu servant," he answered hastily.

The woman let him go and he fell. She was muttering to herself as if piecing things together in her head and unconsciously reached for the carrot again. When she returned her gaze to him, she was focused and looked very troubled.

"What?" he asked, desperately wanting to understand.

"It makes sense now... Boy doctor, it seems I have a lot more to explain to you. We don't have much time and we have to go to a place before returning to the mansion so follow me and listen to what I say."

She pulled him up to his feet and started to drag him again before he could protest. He had no choice but to go along.

"Let me start by saying that my daughter is dead."

* * *

><p>Author's Note:<p>

I have writen 7 friggin pages of this chapter at work on my ipad but effin forgot to save it. I felt like crying when I found out I have lost it. I was so beaten down that I didn't think I could rewrite the whole thing! But you are reading this and apparently an update happened. This only made me stronger! GRRRRRRR!

Anyway, I do hope some of the 'mystery' have been answered. I'm really planning on wrapping this fic up soon but in how many chapters? Your guess is as good as mine. I hope you forgive me for doing that to Kanda. Rest assured that his doctor takes his role too seriously to just leave him be.

Thank you for reading this far and all the wonderful reviews. I think I've replied to everyone but the last few ones. I'll reply to them later. Please tell me what you think of this chapter. Onegaishimasu!


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own D Gray Man. I don't make any money from writing this. Please don't sue!

Warning: Yaoi themes. Language. Unbeta-edness.

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><p><strong>Insomnia Chapter 12: Regret<strong>

Tiedol watched his godson with a grave expression, sighing deeply. He found his thoughts wandering to the past when the boy first came to this world. His friend, Takehiro, all but completely changed. He was a stern and stoic man, responsible and intelligent but the arrival of Yu led everyone to see how human and caring he was deep within. The child Julie delivered that day was broke through all the cold exterior of his friend. Tiedol was there when his he held the baby close in his arms and a rare smile crept to his handsome face.

Both Takehiro and Julie loved the child deeply, but she was ever more open and expressive of it. Her beautiful face was full of joy and love those days, gentle and always kind. Other people had wondered how the two ever came to marrying since they were very different but Tiedol knew. She was the perfect woman for him, and him the perfect man to her. They balanced each other out and made up for each other's flaws. They were the picture of the perfect family; a strong husband, a loving wife, and their beautiful child blessed with his parents' best physical attributes.

He could see them both when he looked at the boy's face, even now.

"How they would grieve if they could see you now, Yu-kun," he told his godson. "Please wake up."

There was a slight movement from under the covers and his godson's face tensed. He was mumbling words that he couldn't understand. Tiedol walked closer, straining to listen and make sense of his words. He caught a word from the string of unintelligible mumbles, a name. He stroked Yu's forehead.

"He'll be back," he told his godson in a reassuring tone.

* * *

><p>"Dead?"<p>

Lavi felt a cold shiver ran down his body at the thought. Like all the things the woman had said, the notion of the friendly maid being dead was absurd yet there was a forceful, believable quality to it. It wasn't one that negotiated with his sense of reason, rather, it appealled to the more commanding yet vaguer side of him that rarely took over. It was instinctively true, if such a thing existed.

"It was a rare sickness that took her, just the winter after my lady passed," she said. "But it seems that her being dead didn't stop you from meeting her."

Lavi shook his head. Had it been some months ago he would have laughed. "Not at all. She seems just as alive as I am. I've been seeing her in bookman's house before but I never really took note of her until she came to the mansion. She was the one who told me about everything I know of magic and curses..."

"And conveniently left out the bit about what will happen if Kanda Yu fell asleep again?"

Did Alice know of it? "I... She never really knew what I did to help Yu fall asleep. I told no one about it. It was a secret between me and him."

As he was talking, he found himself looking back to those nights he helped Kanda. He was sure the maid knew nothing. Kanda would never tell anyone about it, he was certain that his pride would never allow it. But then the way Alice had talked to him that day when they were preparing for the ball, she definitely knew about how he felt about him. She was very suportive of it.

_"And what was I thinking?" he asked the maid._

_Alice wore her knowing smile again. "The one thing you always think of. It's only a few hours till this gathering and all these people will come. The young master is of age and is quite the ideal bachelor. Surely, this ball will let a lot of people know just how ideal," she said as she laid down plates of cookies. "With all due respect, should you not act on your thoughts as soon as possible, Dr. Lavi sir?"_

He could still remember her words and they definitely sounded like she was egging him on. But did that mean she wanted him to help Yu fall asleep?

"Did she ever show you herself using magic?"

Lavi frowned lightly. "No. She was always working in the kitchen though... And I was always by Kanda's side. I am not aware of her whereabouts and actions all the time."

"It seems like her purpose is to decieve you," she said. She started walking and motioned for him to follow.

Instead of asking where they were headed this time, Lavi kept silent. He let his mind wander off, processing all the information he had just heard. The evil spirit, curse, breaking it, and the apparent abyss he had sent his patient to. Alice was dead and Kanda...

Torture and pain. What exactly was happening to Yu at this moment? He flinched at the many gruesome images of his patient, all bloody and dark. It evoked a strong feeling of pain and sadness in him that he had never felt before. It made him anxious and somewhat angry.

"What exactly do you mean when you said Kanda's soul is suffering in the night lands?" he asked finally. He dreaded the answer but the question insisted to be asked.

She paused in her steps and took a moment to glance back at him. "I don't think you will like the answer."

His fists clenched. "If I really am responsible for something so terrible, I have to know exactly the extent of the consequences of my actions. Tell me."

She looked at him with a hard gaze and then shrugged. "Who knows."

"You know."

She grinned an ugly smile. "I don't. But I do have an idea."

Lavi swallowed. "Tell me."

She resumed walking. "All malicious spirits envy the living. They envy our shell, our ability to feel, our fragility, our fate of dying and passing on. Our soul keeps ascending, moving on to different dimensions while they are stuck in this eternity of watching and being left behind."

They were nearing another clearing now and he could see a tall hill. It was covered with thick green grass rustling in waves as the wind blew.

"If you were a malicious spirit, Lavi, what would you do?"

His hands felt cold. The wind blew through his hair. They started climbing up.

"If you were a being so tired of your pointless existence, consumed by your rage and lust to live and dominate life... Years and years of just watching and waiting and wanting but couldn't do anything... And then you suddenly get that chance. You find the soul of a human you've stalked for years suddenly helpless in your hands... What would you do?"

_Damn_

He couldn't find his voice. He felt sick as the guilt started washing over him like a tidal wave. His knees felt weak. He wished the winds would blow stronger and rip him apart.

_What have I done?_

"You really don't listen, do you lad?" she croaked. "Didn't I say that it wasn't your fault? You were deceived."

"I was selfish," he found himself saying, "all those times I never thought of anything but how I felt... and how I could get him to feel the same. Maybe I did it unknowingly in the beginning but I've regained control midway. I could have held back. I could have held back damn it! But I did not... For-For all the logic I boast to have, I've acted purely on my emotions... on what I want. It's unforgivable..."

"Stop blaming yourself, boy."

"Don't you understand?!" he yelled, noticing for the first time that there were tears running down his face. Ethical practice and maintaining his role as a doctor... His mentor had always stressed out these things and he had always waved them off. He thought he understood, would never be in the situation wherein he had to pull himself away forcefully, being the shielded and naturally secluded person that he was.

"This could have been prevented. I'm his doctor and he is my patient. I wasn't supposed to do anything to him. I wasn't supposed to have anything to do with him other than be his doctor. None of these is supposed to happen!"

She just watched and listened.

* * *

><p>Kanda was curled on the floor, arms tightly hugging himself protectively while his legs were drawn up against his chest like protective barrier. He stared at the empty hearth, trying to imagine a wild, crimson fire roaring in it and burning brightly, warmly. <em>Lavi<em>.

"It is his fault."

He tried to ignore that voice and the finger running up his arm, drawing lazy circles that ran across his chest. He tried to shake away the instant disgust and vehement repulsion in his gut that screamed in protest. He held his breath and tried not to feel it anymore but his skin told him just where those fingers were. It stopped directly in front of his heart.

"You were protected but he opened you up... Made you vulnerable..."

Kanda blinked, fighting to keep his eyes on the nonexistent fire and trying to keep the image of a face on it. He was hurting all over and he knew it was going to happen again very very soon. It disgusted him, feeling tainted and used. He was angry too, so angry that something like this would happen to him and shatter his pride.

He should be crumbling by now, broken, yet he was not. After all the things that happened and what was still coming, Kanda somehow was not drowning in this living nightmare of pain. He was barely alive, but he found that yes, he was _still_ _alive_. Even as he sobbed on the floor as the creature pushed his back flat against the surface and parted his legs, a pain burned stronger inside him that kept him sane.

The creature laughed at his tears and mocked his attempts not to cry out and really, Kanda was breaking but the thought that remained dominant for his misery was not what he thought it would be. Not pain. Not disgust. Not anger. It was regret.

In this never ending night and in the arms of such vile touches, he wished he had given himself the chance to bare his emotions to the idiot... He should have been true... Back then, when he still had the chance.

* * *

><p>At the windy hilltop, the sun's orange glow fell especially brighter. The cold wind masked all of the lingering warmth and he knew it would just be a matter of time before everything was cast into darkness under the night sky. The grass was even thicker up there but his companion had no problem finding her path across the green sea. She stooped down and he thought she was taking a break but then she parted the grass and wild vines with white flowers. There was a tombstone.<p>

Lavi stood watching as she labored to clear out the grass. He just stood there, not feeling like he wanted to move. When enough was removed, he saw the carved numbers and letters.

_Julie_

"What are we doing here?" he asked finally. The woman had been silent throughout his angry monologue so he indulged himself, spitting out all the hurts in the air that allowed themselves to be spitted out with words. He couldn't remember the last time he had cried but he seemed to have made up for it then.

Despite all his words of self-depreciation and blame, Lavi realized that he really couldn't find it in himself to regret ever having pursued Kanda. It was selfish, he knew, but as soon as he took that leap of faith he was doomed. He couldn't go back to his former life, couldn't bear the thought of not having that person scowl at him or insult him or fight off his advances or demand to tell him why he was feeling down like it was physically impossible for him to show signs of being nice. Lavi loved everything his patient did. Like a moth to the flame, he was slowly drawn to his flames until his wings burned and he couldn't turn away. Kanda had become an irreplaceable part of his life. He would take him back even if it was the last thing he'd do.

She didn't answer, just looking at him like she could hear his train of thoughts. Instead, she retrieved a small glass vial from her pocket and opened it. It had a clear liquid inside which she poured on the stone, slowly trickling down in wet streaks. She then stood and pricked her finger with her teeth, letting the blood fall on the stone too.

He waited, curious and doubting until a strong gust of wind almost blew him off the hill. He picked himself up immediately and saw her staring at him. Or at least that's what he thought she was doing, her irises were gone. He froze under the blank white stare.

"Hey," Lavi called uncertainly. She made no move. "Are you okay?"

Still no response. He walked to her cautiously while surveying the surroundings and deciding the best direction he should take in case he needed to make a run for it.

_Run? You are pathetic._

No, he shook all thoughts of running away from his head. He was fully aware that thought of self-preservation was perfectly natural and acceptable at times when one is threathened but right now, his sense of pride and guilt was overcoming it. _I won't leave unless I find a way to bring back Yu._

She smiled. "Come forth."

Her hand was extended out for him. Her voice didn't sound like the old woman before yet it was familiar. It made him hesitant for a moment before he swallowed and reached out.

Darkness. Cold. Lavi frantically searched around him to bring back his senses and bring an end to the blindness. His eyes slowly adjusted and he found himself back in the mansion. Only, it was the middle of the night and it was very cold. It bit through his skin like a thousand needles. All the windows were open, curtains flying in the wind. Torn curtains.

Lavi had seen this before. He looked around and shards of glass lay broken across the floor, along with pieces of wood, parchment, feathers, and other things he couldn't tell what.

He was running as he was before, searching in panic and fear. A sharp scream pierced the air and he paused. He knew that voice. As he rushed quickly to the sound, the screams got louder and louder, each stabbing him cold through the core. He reached a door, his patient's room, and he pushed.

The smell of blood assaulted his nose. Ice blue eyes looked back at him, wide and weary. They were eyes of one who had suffered repeatedly, worn out and at the brink of falling. No, he was suffering until now, repeatedly shattering and rebuilding in a vicous, endless cycle. He was dead but couldn't die.

The man on top of him pulled away from his neck, laughing coldly before burying itself on his chest. Lavi's breath hitched as the limp body gasped and twitched, arms pushing at the body on top of him but in vain.

Lavi lunged forward, wanting nothing more than to pry those dirty hands off of him. Anger surged through him like a wild fire, driving him to the edge.

But he was looking at the old woman's face again and he was standing on top of the hill. His head felt light and he sank on the grass, sobbing loudly and without restraint. He fisted the grass and tore them off and forcefully punched the dirt countless of times. He shouted at the top of his lungs and punched and punched. He couldn't feel a thing.

"That's enough." She had placed her hand on his shoulder and it snapped him out of his blind rage. He felt for the first time the pain on his knuckles and saw that the sky had gone black.

"You have to bring me there again," he said.

"You weren't there to begin with," she said.

"Kanda... I saw Yu. He's suffering, beyond anything I have ever imagined," he mumbled breathlessly. The images were still clear in head. "He was right there... I could have reached him! He needs me..."

"What you saw is a glimpse of what my lady sees," she said sagely. "I was not quite sure that she would still linger in the mansion."

He remembered his unpleasant encounter with her a few months back. "She's there alright."

"I'm guessing she had tried to reach you and succeeded," she said and smiled grimly. "Fear not. She's on your side now and would not do anymore harm."

Yeah, because I fucked up her curse and sent her son to his doom. More like she has no other choice but support me.

"That's great to hear and all but what I really want is to get Kanda out of that place as soon as possible. I can't take the thought of knowing that he is suffering this very moment and the longer we take, the more he suffers."

Lavi felt agitated. He couldn't help it. He saw Kanda in his mind whenever he blinked. It was torturing him.

She retrieved her half-eaten carrot before fishing another one that was fresh. She handed it to him, took a bite, and smiled. Somehow, some of the boils were missing. Lavi received the carrot but did not eat it, thinking that the dim night light was playing tricks on his eyes.

"Don't you worry, boy. We've already begun."

* * *

><p>The grandfather clock sang loudly from the main hall and boomed several chimes. Tiedol counted nine as he contiued to watch over his godson. The young doctor hadn't come back yet and he was getting worried. Errands he had sent him for should not have taken more than three hours to be done. If an accident had happend, one of the workers would surely inform him as soon as possible so he was not worried about that. It was more on the possible emotional toll that could turn even the most intelligent men reckless and act without forsight.<p>

Seeing the doctor and his godson together, he had sensed something strong going on between them. Friendship perhaps. Though he knew Yuu was never the friendly type, there was someone bound to earn his friendship, right? Tiedol was glad at the notion, if only he had not seen how the boy watched over Yuu like a longing...

"Kyaaaaaaahhhh!"

Tiedol rose to his feet and immediately ran out of the door and into the scream came from downstairs, he thought and automatically checked the sword strapped on his belt before continuing. He was three doors down before he went back and closed the door to Kanda's bedroom and locking it. He swiftly made his way through the halls and down the stairs, his hand grasping the hilt of his sword.

"Alice?" he called.

The voice was definitely a female. If it was Alice and the attacker found her, it was most probable that she was already dead. There was no knowing how many possible foes were waiting but he couldn't risk waiting for their first move. He had to at least confirm their location. He called the maid again, knowing full well that he was giving away his position and luring them to him. There was no answer so he moved on, silently stalking towards the kitchen.

He could see fire blazing on the hearth and sounds of soft sobs drifted from inside the open door. Tiedol braced himself and pushed it ever so slightly. Alice was alone, sobbing on all fours in front of the hearth. He watched the scene a little more to make sure and went in.

"Alice? Are you hurt?"

At his voice, the maid froze. He could see drops of blood by her hands which were tightly clenched on the floor. Her voice was weak and high pitched when she spoke, refusing to face his way. "General... It was just a small accident. The knife..."

"I heard you scream," he said carefully, walking closer in small cautious steps. Something was amiss.

A few utensils and food were scattered on the floor, seeming like the maid had dropped them accidentally but other than that, everrything seemed in order. A pot was boiling over the merry fire while some cut vegetables and potatoes waited on the long wooden table as if she was in the middle of making a late dinner. Everything looked normal except the maid. Her hands were still shaking as she sat on the floor facing the fire and tossing half of what looked like a carrot into the flames.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, readying himself to draw his sword as he came closer.

In a flash, the girl was in front of him and had stabbed a knife through his right shoulder. A second pain pierced him in his gut. He was falling and there was a force against his head that hit him with blinding pain. The last thing he saw was her face, bloody and full of boils and scratches, leering down at him.

* * *

><p>Everything about the mansion told him that his presence was not welcomed. Lavi stood by the gates, rooted on the spot. Not a single window had light and everything was eerily quiet and cold, much like the way it is through Lady Kanda's eyes. Even the air had a menacing heaviness to it.<p>

His first impulse was to run across the garden, kick the doors open and find his patient but the thought was easily pushed away. His mind was unbelievably clear that night, his goals set and all his thoughts bent on achieving them. He had to go about this carefully. So he quietly climbed the gates with nimble limbs and made his way through the garden under the shadows of trees.

He found the window to the first floor library open and he took his chance, slipping through it without making any noise. Kanda should be in his bedroom while Tiedol could be with him or in his own room. It was past dinner time so the maid should be in the kitchen cleaning up, or somewhere else in the mansion doing more mischief.

He had to get to Kanda to make sure he is okay and get him and the general out. Then the difficult part...

The dusty shelves and shadows comforted him because of the impression of being untouched. He had spent a few hours here before but he had never seen Alice here even once. The creaky floors sang under his weight as he walked to the door and opened it. The hallway was dark. He could smell something faint in the air, like food. _Was she in the kitchen?_

Deciding to mark her position first, he made his way to the descending stairs of the kitchen, careful not to make any more sounds than necessary. A pair of leather boots that he quickly placed as the general's caught his eye from the entrance. He quickly hid under a shadow as a woman's form came into view. Alice's voice drifted in the air, muttering curses and whining angry, unintelligible words. She sounded pissed and somewhat in pain. _Perfect_, he thought. He watched their shadows and was horrified as the woman started dragging something big across the floor which was unmistakbly the general himself.

It was as he had feared. Lavi did not waste any more time as he turned and stalked his way up the second floor. He quickly located Kanda's room and turned the knob.

"Shit," he muttered in frustration and tried to push the door harder. It was locked.

Did Alice know he was coming for Kanda? He automatically looked at the hallway, doubt and panic starting to rush in even though he saw no one. No, he thought. Alice couldn't know that he was going to sneak Kanda out. Even if she did know he was returning, there was no way of her knowing about the accidental meeting he had with the old woman in town.

Lavi breathed in and collected his thoughts. He still had the upper hand.

* * *

><p>"Tsk"<p>

_It is her, I just know it. Curse that old wretched witch for doing this. How dare her..._

Alice cursed in her head once more as she peeled off a small patch of skin from her cheek, or at least what was left of it. Even in front of the small mirror, she could clearly see the boils, wounds, and pus that littered all over her face. It made her look like she had no skin at all, with all the blood and exposed muscles.

Quite a powerful spell it was to render her this much damage, considering she was very well protected. Eating a whole field of carrots won't do anything to reverse this. _Damn her!_

But how? To cast such a spell on her, that would require the old woman finding out her daughter... _She knew! _Alice cursed again and pulled forcefully at her hair, successfully creating a bald patch on the scalp.

_I knew I shouldn't have let that boy leave! It must be him who told her. _

Her anger materialized like smoke around her before shattering the mirror into a million pieces. She did not flinch even as some of the shards caught her open wounds. She had been careless. With her prey's soul successfully captured, she had lowed her guard, a mistake thatcould have been fatal had she not seen it this early.

And it was not too late at all. She was still ahead everyone in this game, scheming right under their very noses, had she not? She had eliminated everyone in her way. She had taken care of the powerful witch's ghost months ago, had removed the pesky general, and now the mother of this shell was lurking in the shadows. It was just a matter of time before she too was gone. No mortal can hope to contest against her powers afterall...

_And what of the boy?_

_Lavi_. Her face grew itchy at the thought of the little nuisance. He was crucial in breaking her prey's curse but he had no further purpose. He could prove to be a problem if she kept him alive for any longer...

She closed her eyes and smiled. The presence of the boy doctor. She missed it somehow, because of her getting hurt and the inevitable rage that followed but no matter, she had sensed him before he could do any damage.

Her smile grew wider as she retrieved the knife from the general's shoulder and made her way out of the kitchen.

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><p>The door did not budge when she turned the knob but it easily opened with a slight wave of her hand. Alice found the young master's room exactly as she had left it before with Kanda lying asleep in the middle of the bed like a haunted doll, but her senses told her otherwise. The window was open though, she realized, but ignored it. It was a nice attempt at a distraction but she read it well enough. She couldn't keep the smile from her face.<p>

She walked to the bed and watched her prey sleep. She could sense the intense hatred of another in the room, almost making the person glow and giving away the position in the dark.

_There, see? Under the bed. _She felt the urge to commend him for keeping himslef from lashing out, as the aura suggested he was well inclined in doing. She went to the window just to humor the pathetic effort and just as predicted, as soon as she had her back turned, the intruder jumped out of his hiding place and lunged at her.

She stopped her attacker with a wave of her hand. Lav 's body trembled in midair, angrily lashing out at her but couldn't reach. Oh how she loved that expression, desperate and full of passion for some form of retribution so she let herself laugh.

"Bring him back," he muttered lowly as if he had any control over what was happening.

_Humans_. Just when she thought she had found the most intelligent of them, this boy started acting like the rest of them. How could he throw his life away like this? Surely, he did not doubt the power of magic now? Did he really hope to win against her?

She shook her head and looked at him with mocking eyes, this pathetic human. "Or what?" she smirked.

"Or I will knock you back to ashes," he replied and brought out a small bottle with deep red liquid inside. "Your mother gives her regards."

Her eyes widened and almost let the bastard go. Almost. "That's..."

"Her blood and technically yours too," Lavi said as a matter of factly. "I didn't really understand her explanation but I did get the part about familial ties being able to bind the undead the strongest through blood."

"You insolent little brat!" she spat and tightened the air surrounding the doctor.

Pain was written all over his face as the air around him thinned. She never had the need to breathe but it must be wonderfully painful if he was turning a nice shade of blue. Instead of backing down however, he raised his hand and choked out, "Bring...him... back or... I spill this."

She sent him flying and he almost went through the window. His back hit the wall flat with sickening crunch and he fell to floor on his chest. He winced in pain as he tried to pick himself up. She found it surprising that the small bottle was still in those threatening hands as he gazed up at her in a challenging manner.

"Such strong will for so frail a body," she said softly and sat on the floor in front of him. "A tempting soul."

"Bring him... back... or-"

"It is true that if you spill that blood, this body will be broken," she cut in, "and it's a pity because I've spent so much time in here."

The laughter was bubbling up behind her throat. She had to contain it, she told herself. Spark him some hope and then...

"But you and that woman have it all wrong," she said and the young man looked confused. "If it was Alice in here she would have passed on but with me, it is impossible. I'm stuck here for good, you see..."

She gingerly stooped down and ran her fingers along his arm before enclosing the hand holding the bottle with her own. He winced at the proximity of her bloody face with his and that made her smile even fouler.

"Who are... you?" he asked trying to mask fear.

"Me and the spirit, we're one and the same," she answered and tightend her hand on his, "and when this body breaks, I merely need to transfer to another nearby."

She smiled grimly at him before crushing the glass bottle with his hands.

* * *

><p><span>Author's Note:<span>

I think a lot of people cringed at the last chapter's rape scene so I thought I'd give you guys a break and wrote nothing explicit. To tell you you the truth, I haven't even reread that part of chapter 11 which I usually do when I write the next updates. It was necessary though...

So anyway, this story will be wrapping up soon I think though I can't say for sure. In my head, my story is making sense but I am not sure if it translates well in words so please let me know. I'm really sorry for taking so long to update and coming up with something so short. Your reviews keep me writing so please do keep them coming. I think I haven't replied to last few reviews I got... so so sorry about that! I shall reply soon.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not own D Gray Man. I don't make any money from writing this. Please don't sue!

Warning: Yaoi themes. Language. Unbeta-edness.

EDIT: I inserted 3 review replies at the end of the chapter for the 3 people who reviewed chapter 12 but was not logged in. :)

* * *

><p>Chapter 13: Waking up<p>

"_Are you certain of this?"_

_He paused before answering. "No. Not at all."_

_"Do you still want to proceed with it, boy?"_

_Lavi smirked. "Sure. It's all or nothing now."_

_She looked at him with a fond and disbelieving smile, like he was the noblest, bravest, yet also the most foolish person she had met. And he was. Considering what he was getting himself into, he really was. And she liked the boy all the more._

_She thought of the Kanda family and her lady, how everything was turned upside down by the coming of this stubborn youth. She wished with all her heart that he succeed all the way._

_"Then embrace my aura and feel it run through your veins," she said and he immediately felt it. His initial instinct to resist it died down with some struggle and he felt the warmth course through his body more intensely like little fires eating up his veins. He surrendered to it. This was what he wanted, no more turning back._

_"Through time and space, and life and death," she chanted lowly, "and dark and light, and pain and blood; I curse you, Lavi."_

_The warm feeling was replaced suddenly by twisting pain across his body. He gasped, losing strength and orientation. He found himself lying on his back, writhing and moaning as each fiber of muscle beneath his skin rang in agony.._

_"By the strength of your will this curse is cast, if the wish is shared then it will be fulfilled; For this curse is binding it shall last, if it is not your love's wish then your life is forfeit."_

_Lavi breathed heavily in relief as the pain left him. She stared down at him, panting heavily on the grass. "Do you offer your life willingly?"_

_"Yeah."_

* * *

><p>He stared at the bloody face of the young woman he had been wearing for years and smirked. He kicked her leg aside as he walked by, making his way to the mirror of the doctor's room. Changing shells was not always an option but when the oppurtunity presented itself, it was as easy as shedding a coat for another. The mirror was cracked but it showed his new face perfectly. His smile grew wider at what he saw.<p>

The doctor's face was beautiful, his body younger and more powerful than the previous one. He could feel the energy in this new shell just surging inside that he felt restless, like he wanted to run and jump and sing at top of his lungs. He felt alive and that thrilled him. He ran a finger on his forehead down to the lone green eye and the smooth cheeks. The eyepatch was hastily removed and he frowned a little. The doctor must have been in pain for it before, a long time ago. It certainly didn't look well. But no matter. It was nothing his magic could not fix.

The kitchen was a mess and so was certain parts of the mansion. He had to take care of those. He walked around, cleaning up the debris and putting things in order. The bodies should be quickly disposed later.

Now what was the kind of life his new shell had been living? A doctor, yes, but that was too boring. He would never understand how humans settle for such repetetive and menial ways of existence when their time in this plane was so short. Do they not realize how quickly time flew for them?

Humans were weak and simple. They eat and sleep and raise families and die. It was a dull cycle he had watched time after time. Now this new body won't last but it shall entertain him for several years. He had to make the most of it, unlike those simple-minded creatures. He had lived for centuries, more than old enough to know what he wanted for those years he had just grabbed for himself.

He stared at the face again, examining every angle while giving the red locks a light tousle. The color reminded him of blood, the fierce and warm energy of life. Everything about this body was just so alive! He wouldn't live a simple docor's life. That was out of the question. He could start off with that but having lived as a servant for years made him yearn for some drastic changes.

The pit of his stomach and fingertips tingle with excitement at the many things he could do with this new body of his. Oh he would certainly make everything worthwhile.

* * *

><p>Kanda's breaths were even now. It took him an eternity to calm himself after the last encounter but the memories were as fresh as if his ordeal had just ended. Ended? An ending was a sweet dream now, and cruelly unattainable. Nothing in this place ever ended. He was plunged in a perpetual state of darkness and terror, an infinite nightmare that he just couldn't wake up from.<p>

He was trapped in his dreams, that much he knew. All those times he thought he had some forgotten past, he had been living in this nightmare every night instead. His insomnia seemed a blessing now, even though when he thought about it, he was doomed eitherway. Neither route ended with him alive or well. It made him smirk at the cruelty of it. After all those years of fighting, keeping his will to live strong, he ended up in this hell. Was it all for nought? He felt as if everything had conspired against him, to kill him or make his life as miserable as possible.

"You are not going to die," Lavi had told him.

Out of all the things that happened, that man had been the only thing that brought any sort of relief in the most unexpected way. Pushing his way into Kanda's life and snatching him away from that sleepless spell.

Kanda shook his head vigorously. It wouldn't do to think of the idiot. It gave him anger and somehow, it made him want to hold on. But he didn't. He really didn't. Kanda wanted nothing more than to lose all shred of hope, to embrace his fate, and just end it all. Hoping was a way to get hurt. He wanted it to die away and leave him be. He just wanted everything to end even if the only way was to be numb.

And how could he not? He might identify this place as his dream but every single fucking thing was real. The darkness, the cold, the pain, the touches, the smells, even his tears. And Kanda Yu never cried.

Damn that idiot for making him like this. He'd put all the blame on him. He had met a lot of disappointments in his short life but none of them was so hard to accept. Why the hell was losing that idiot so difficult?!

"Tch," he muttered aloud. His voice cracked from all the screaming.

Kanda didn't know how long he had before the creature came back so he quickly got up, ignoring the aches and pains on his entire body. The thought of just lying there, waiting for the nightmare to continue had been appealing but he found disgusted with himself that he had even considered such a thing. So what if there was no escaping? So what if he will never be able to defend himself no matter how hard he tried? If he was some sort of prey, he'd make the bastard work hard for every fucking bite.

And as though his thoughts were the cue, Kanda heard the familiar echoing of footsteps. He cursed as his heart raced in familiar fear and anxiety, limping as fast as he could to the open door and half ran, half hopped down the halls.

"Yu"

He quickened his pace, bumping his shoulders and legs against everything in the dark but he went on. It was as if an old rusty engine was fed with fresh fuel. He could not stop no matter how tired and painful it was to go on.

He finally reached the end of the hall and quickly turned to the direction of the staircase. He was almost there when suddenly, his feet left the ground. Out of nowhere, strong arms grabbed him from behind and a soft breath blew at his cheek. It nuzzled the side of his neck, making him cringe at the contact.

"Why are you running?" the other asked against his skin.

"Get your dirty hands off me, bas-," he started but then a finger had made his way into his mouth.

"I was under the impression that you understand the situation," the other said, digging his fingers deeper to the back and making his eyes water. "Surely you know fighting me off is in vain?"

No words came out of his mouth, only pathetic choking sounds of his attempt to answer back. The fingers lingered in his mouth much longer than usual that saliva started pooling and dripping the sides of his mouth in small streams. When he tried to push the hand away, another grabbed him by the hair and pulled his head back. He coughed voilently at his own saliva for an eternity before he was suddenly released and found himself spitting at the floor on all fours trying to breathe.

The creature crouched down beside him and rubbed his back. He glared at the mocking gesture and he was returned with a slow gentle kiss on the lips.

"I was ready to do things more gently," he said, tucking black locks behind his ear and softly touching his cheek. "It would... Make things much easier."

Kanda felt nothing but disgust with this new facade. Was it meant to coax him into embracing defeat? It was what he wanted yet... There was comfort. It reeked of deceit and perverted desire to make him submit. The mere suggestionof it was mocking face was so human and beautiful but that form mocked him too. And he knew, he was sure, that absolutely _nothing _can make this easier. He pulled away when the creature attempted to wrap his arms around him.

A smile. "But I guess you'd rather be screaming in agony, huh?"

Kanda's eyes were gleaming defiantly but as his feet suddenly left the floor and his wind pipe constricted, fear quickly ran through his body. Pain was coming, he knew as the creature watched him float up beyond the staircase railings and a three-floor drop loomed below him, but his resolve remained firm. He'd rather hurt.

He closed his eyes tightly, bracing himself. There was no warning before gravity was pulling him down. As he plunged, images of his last few days awake ran in his head. It fixed on a certain face with the annoying smirk and he held on to it. Strong arms broke his fall.

"Well this is a bit unexpected," the creature said.

Kanda could not breathe when he opened his eyes. Just inches from his own was Lavi's face, looking down at him. He blinked once. Twice... then thrice.

"Yu-chan"

His chest clenched painfully. Eyes wide and disbelieving, Kanda reached out to the familiar face that was staring at him. He froze halfway, withdrawing his hand like it was burned. Was this another one of the creature's deception? But he looked so real, and he called him... _Please be real. Please be real. Please be real. Please be here._

He was suddenly engaged in a bone-crushing hug. He could hear Lavi's voice somewhere but he was too shocked to listen to the words. It can't be... It was too good to be true. _Please be real. Please be real. Please be real. Please be here._

"KANDA YU, WILL YOU LOOK AT ME?"

Kanda's eyes snapped back into focus and saw Lavi's face clearly for the first time. Red hair, green eye, eyepatch, those features...

"It's me," Lavi said with a sad smile, holding his hand tightly as if he would slip away if he didn't. "I'm here. It's over. I won't let him touch you again."

Something painful and warm was stirring up inside him but he still couldn't say a word. It was sureal... Like watching it happen to someone else. So he remained silent, just watching his doctor's face. He was here. It was the most impossible thing yet here he was...

"It's over?" the creature spoke. "Those are pretty big words, human."

Kanda watched as Lavi slowly turned to acknowledge the presence of it. His eye was determined and brave but in the green depths, there was something looming darkly that he could not tell.

"I've come to take Yu back with me," Lavi announced.

"Oh?" the other said, voice dripping with amusement and threat. "And you believe that you will succeed?"

He felt Lavi's hold around him grew tighter before he said, "No. Magic is not my strong suit... But I won't let you lay another finger on him. That, I am sure."

The other laughed loudly. "I suppose you are here because of another one of those old tricks of that hag... and that made you believe you can just waltz into this dimension and take my toy away."

In an instant, Kanda was on the floor again and Lavi was off the ground, clutching his throat in obvious pain, feet kicking wildly in the air.

"This is my place," the other said and there was a loud snap before Lavi's scream of pain rang followed by a dull thud of Lavi's ripped arm against the floor.

Kanda watched horrified as the scene unfolded. Lavi was screaming like he had been doing, hurting like he was hurting. His body shook and convulsed in the air. The doctor's blood slowly soaked the carpet beneath him as the creature walked to him disinterestedly. Kanda found himself screaming 'no' but his body was frozen. He couldn't will it to run to him. _No, no, no, no! Not Lavi! Not him! Leave him alone!_

"And the old witch has no power here," it said. "You think by letting me displace your soul and take over your body you would have the chance to find my prey?"

His insides sank. Idiot, he wanted to scream. How could he be so reckless... He shouldn't have come! He shouldn't have come!

"Well, you did find us," it said and reached out at one of the dangling legs. "Congratulations," was all it said before another snap was heard and Lavi's screams of agony were renewed with more intensity.

"Stop it! Stop!" Kanda screamed, finding himself suddenly groveling at the foot of the creature.

It paid him no heed. "Poor, naive human boy," it said mockingly instead. "I feast at your loved one's soul here, did you know? I've touched him, conquered him, defiled him, done things that you could only wish for."

Lavi's harsh breaths evened out briefly as he attempted to meet the creature's gaze, even at his state. Kanda wanted to smack his head so bad, silently pleading that he would just lose his consciousness or go back to their world somehow. He was so afraid, so frightened of what could happen...

"It's true. And back on the other side, a part of me has taken possession of your body. You are trapped here, accomplished nothing. In fact you've just lost everything. And for what?" the other muttered and stroked Kanda's cheek. "Yu is mine. You should have given him up. I thought you were diffrent from other humans but you are not. You are just as foolish as the rest of them! And with this stupid gamble you threw away everything. While you suffer, I claim all that you desire and live a life more happily than you could ever have."

"Happy?" Lavi croaked and Kanda wished he would just shut up. "_Live_? Don't make me laugh. What does someone like you know about emotions and living?"

The creature watched him silently.

"Emotions are not for monsters who knows only pleasure and boredom. When you hurt so much that you can barely take it, that's the only time you will know what happiness feels like. When you fear with all your heart for the safety of the one you care for the most, you learn to be brave. After seeing that person get hurt you'll feel hatred and only then can you learn kindness. These are what being human is. _Feeling _is what makes you alive."

Kanda clenched his fist, listening to the doctor.

"You have my body, yes. But you are never truly alive because you don't have anything to live for," Lavi went on. "You can never be alive unless you learn to love someone great enough for you to be willing to give that life up for that person... Or to keep it for that person. Humans, they don't live for the sake of living. They do not love life. They love the people who make life worthwhile... You don't get it, do you? You are not alive. You don't exist because you are empty. You are just a prisoner of life... Ensnared by a false version of it."

In a flash, all of Lavi's remaining limbs were torn and cast away in several directions.

"NOOOOOO!" Kanda screamed.

Lavi's body was thrown aside in rage. Kanda ran to him without thought, unaware and uncaring for anything else. He gently wrapped his arms around the doctor as he wept uncontrollably. "Baka! Baka! Baka! Baka!"

"I'm... okay, Yu. Don't... cry," Lavi told himbreathlessly after a barage of screams. "Man, that... hurts.."

"Shut up you fucking idiot! You just can't shut your mouth, do you?" he muttered but with no heat. "Just... shut up," he said holding him and stroking his face.

"I love you," Lavi said.

Kanda flinched, blinking back tears and put a finger against Lavi's lips. "I told you to shut up."

"Can't. It's almost... coming to an end. I want you to hear it as many times as possible... Even if you might not want to. I love you."

"No! Hold the fuck on you idiot!"

"Hehe," Lavi breathed out, "Dontcha... worry it's... all part of the plan..."

Kanda was weeping openly now. He didn't care anymore. "What kind of plan is this, shithead? You have no body to go back to..."

"Yeah... well... I have faith in you. You will... Save us both..."

Lavi's body began fading, like a weak light starting to go out and Kanda held him tighter in panic. "No! Don't you dare! Don't you fucking dare leave me!"

"It will be over soon. You'll be fine. Trust me, Yu," Lavi assured him.

There was a bright light, the creature screamed, and just like he said, it really was over.

* * *

><p>Kanda breathed in deeply as his eyes abruptly opened. His eyes were wide, darting from side to side and sweeping the familiar scene of his room. He pushed the sheets off and examined his legs. He touched his chest and then stared at the palms of his hand. <em>I am alive.<em>

He got off his bed quickly and almost fell, feeling somewhat dizzy and weak but he stood firmly. He walked over to the door in short laborous steps and opened it. The corridors were empty and silent. He continued walking barefooted, almost as if he had stepped back in time, back when he was living alone in this mansion, suffering from lack of sleep.

But he wasn't alone anymore. Kanda remembered the past months clearly. He remembed his insomnia and how he had been saved from it. And although not as clearly, he remembered his long nightmare and how he was saved from that too. _Lavi._

"Aa-" he tried but his voice failed him. His throat was dry.

He made his way to the library, half hoping to see a certain redhead lost in thought, buried under a mountain of books. There was no one.

"Tch," he muttered and continued to explore.

Where was everyone? What happened to them? What...

"Kanda Yu"

He turned in surprise and saw an ugly old woman standing by the hallway. The boils on her face looked like they were healing but her clothes strongly suggest that she had been bleeding recently. She walked to him in swift, harsh movements.

"Who are you?" he asked skeptically but found that he felt more at ease than he should be upon finding a stranger in his home."Where is the rest of my household?"

"I am afraid they are not here but worry not, young master. They are all as fine as they could be," she said. "And I am Alynna. I've been seeing to your health."

That sounded like his doctor had been gone for some time. "I have a doctor... and my godfather has to be consulted before any hiring. And what do you mean by as fine as they could be?"

"Do you remember what happened?" she asked in return which should have irritated him but left him feeling anxious instead.

"I do," he replied, which wasn't entirely true. He remembered being trapped in an endless night and being so very scared. He recalled feeling hopeless and wanting to just die... and wanting to give up. It made him shiver thinking about it... but he couldn't remember why.

But unlike he felt about this vague familiarity that kept escaping him, he did not feel bothered at all. No, in fact, there was some sort of comfort in it.

"Then you would know that you have been unconscious for quite some time. A month."

"A month?!" he repeated unbelievingly.

"Yes, and during the first week, certain events happened here while your soul was captured by an evil spirit. Your maid, my daughter, was possessed and was responsible for it. She attampted to keep you there, murder your godfather, and steal your doctor's body. She died the week after."

Kanda's mouth was hanging open. _Alice..._

"But as I've said, they are all doing fine considering what happened. The general was called back to the military camp more than a week ago after recovering from his wound. Doctor Bookman and his apprentice left shortly after that due to an urgent matter. They left me to care for you in their absence and left instructions to let them know immediately once you have regained consciousness."

He stared at the floor, both relieved and somewhat feeling down. _Lavi_.

Yes, his doctor was in his dream too. He could remember being in his arms and crying... for him? There was so much blood. And screaming.

"Kanda-kun?"

He looked up at her breathing heavily. He blinked and a tear ran down his face. "Wha-"

She walked to him, eyes narrowing in concern. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said quickly, wiping the tears with the back of his hand. "I just... Some things are coming back. I feel like I forgot most of them but, some horrible things are coming back to me."

She nodded understandingly and patted his shoulder. "I don't believe you will remember all of it and that's for the best," she said.

Kanda nodded vaguely. He agreed completely.

"Anyway, what's done is done." she said firmly. "Those are the most important things you should know but there is a great deal more you should hear. Please go back to your room. I shall bring you some food."

* * *

><p>Kanda never felt so hungry in his life. He had downed everything Alynna brought him and finished two more servings she had brought after that. She chose not to elaborate on what she initially informed him while he was eating but immediately filled him in right after.<p>

The reasons behind his ordeal was not very clear to him nor his mother's apparent powers. Hearing about spells and curses did not make him as skeptic as he should though. He blamed how he just sucked in the information to his exhaustion. And though more than half of what she told him was laughably unrealistic, they made sense and he believed her. There was something familiar and warm about her that made him calm, something he could only guess as what maternal care would feel like. Kanda listened to her silently, holding his questions in and wanting answers. Especially when she started explaining how Lavi ended his nightmare.

"It was a gamble that no sensible person would ever risk taking on," she said.

"I don't understand," Kanda said. "You said all curses are gambles."

"In a sense," she said. "That's one way of looking at it though it is so much more complicated than that. When you curse another, there has to be intent to fuel the curse. The stronger the intent, the more effective and powerful the curse. People who have been wrong, even those without magical abilities, can accidentally curse someone because of their desire for vengeance. Their hate gives birth to most curses but would do nothing but cause an unlucky afternoon or an upset stomach at best. There are a lot of ways to strengthen it that magical practitioners know about though and that's when curses can become lethal."

"But Lavi isn't one. How can his curse defeat the power of that creature?" he asked.

"Well technically, I was the one who cursed him. But the fuel I used for it came from his intent to save you," she explained.

Kanda blushed and shook his head. That sounded like the idiot's will to save him...

"That boy's desire to have you back was very strong but we needed something more to guarantee that our curse will be stonger than the demon's desire for life, and make no mistake, evil desires such as those are very very strong," she said seriously.

"So what did you do?" he asked.

"The gamble... But ultimately it was the willingness of that doctor to throw away everything to find you. I cursed him that his heart's desire will be his if the one he is saving feel just as willing to sacrifice himself in return."

Kanda's eyes widened. "Are you saying that he believed that I... had our places been reversed?"

She nodded with sly grin.

"He really is an idiot!" Kanda yelled. "What if I didn't care or... I'm just an asshole? Did he think about that?"

"The curse would still pull you out of the nighhtlands but it would consume his soul in return instead, basically," she explained.

Kanda stared at her.

"You don't believe me, Yu-kun?" she asked. Even thoug her tone didn't change and her face was still wrinkly blank, he could feel amusement leaking from her words.

"I'm not sure. I don't think there's anything to gain by lying to me but..." he trailed off.

Alynna smiled. "Quite right. You should hear this straight from him, I think."

"What?"

She turned to the door with the tray of china and silverware. "You will be seeing them soon."

* * *

><p>'Soon' turned out to be a week. 'Them' turned out to be everyone. Exactly seven days after he woke up, General Tiedoll and Marie were marching up the front doors with tons of food, wine, and just generally everything that they thought Kanda would want. The general's costumary hug was more easily dodged that day mainly because his shoulder was still healing from the stab wound.<p>

"I'm very happy you are back, my Yu-kun!" he told him and attempted several times to engage him in his fatherly embrace. Though he was acting like nothing happened, Kanda could clearly see the slight change in posture and the barely noticeable winces whenever something accidentaly came in contact with his shoulder.

So Kanda let him hug him once.

The following the day, Bookman arrived in his house and immediately conducted a thorough check-up. Like the general, he wasn't aware of any of the supernatural events that took place and just thought that his old attendant, Alice, was a psychopath in disguise who tried to murder the general and his godson while he was away. He did't know if Lavi did any explaining but from the way they referred to the maid as a criminal and mentally challenged, he deduced not much.

"Where is your apprentice?" general Tiedoll questioned him curiously, voicing exactly what Kanda had been wanting to ask since he arrived.

"I left him in the town hospital to take care of some important cases in my absence since I have to make sure Kanda-kun is alright," Bookman said with a shrug.

Kanda forced himself to drink his tea and keep his face nonchalant.

"But I doubt he'll be there or much longer. He had been pleading to come here in my stead since we got the news of Kanda-kun waking up," he added.

He could feel eyes watching him as he continued drinking, making it harder to feign disinterest.

"Isn't that nice, Yu?" Tiedoll cooed. "I'm so glad you've finally made a friend!"

All eyes were on him when looked up from his cup and he felt obligated to say something. "Tch. Whatever."

"That boy has a lot to learn about responsibility. There is quite a few difficult cases back there that I left him that will hopefully teach him some," Bookman said.

So Kanda was completely surprised when afternoon passed by and everyone was eating dinner and suddenly, a knock was heard. Alynna went to answer it and after a few moments came walking back with Lavi trailing behind her.

"Please listen," Lavi said just as his mentor was rising with the beginnings of a long lecture. "I've treated Madison and Mrs. Cooper with water and salt. It was just contaminated water. The same thing for the five others. I've solved everything."

Bookman glared at him for a good minute before gesturing to the table and sending an apologetic look at Kanda. He nodded curtly at him and Lavi took a seat after he acknowledged him too. Their eyes met for a second before the young doctor looked away in favor of fixing his napkin.

"Salt and water?" Tiedoll asked interestedly.

"For diarrhea. We just let the petients let it all out but make them drink low-solute content salt solution to prevent dehydration," Lavi explained. "It's quite natural to do it that way, getting better I mean."

"Ah," the general nodded looking more confused.

"I can elaborate later after dinner," Bookman offered.

Kanda didn't care much about the topic but the sudden arrival of his doctor made him a bit nervous. Though everything Alynna made was absolutely delicious, he cold feel his appetite slowly fading. He became too conscious of himself, feeling like he was being watched. Once or twice he caught Lavi looking his way but his gaze never lingered and their eyes did not meet again.

After the meal, Marie politely announced that he will be retiring early while Tiedoll invited Bookman in the study to talk about some important matters. That left Kanda alone with Lavi all too quickly. While Alynna cleared the plates, Lavi was just there in his seat scribbling something in a small piece of paper.

Kanda did not know what to do. The other wasn't approaching him or giving him his usual antics. In fact, Lavi was being distant almost and that bothered him. He sat in his chair too, pretending to watch his new maid while his hands fidgetted under the table. Maybe he should just retire too, he thought. The other looked busy and-

"Hey"

Kanda looked up and his heart jumped. Lavi had made his way to him without him noticing. He was wearing a dark brown suit and tie that looked neater than the ones he saw his doctor wear. Other than that, he looked the same. "Hey," he greeted back.

"You want to walk outside with me?" Lavi asked with a smile, holding out his hand.

Kanda looked at it and then at the other's face.

"If you're not tired or anything," the other quickly added. "I mean, you might want to go to bed and sleep? I mean... Rest. Or sleep. If you... Um, can fall asleep by yourself now."

"I can walk fine by myself," he finally said with a smirk, pointedly ignoring the other's hand. He could hear Lavi following behind him as he walked to the gardens. He felt relieved.

* * *

><p>Lavi was quite relieved and he let out a sigh. He had left for the mansion without much thought but that of meeting his patient again. After all the things he said to him, he wasn't sure how Kanda would react now that he was awake or how he should act around him.<p>

Will anything even change? He pondered the question as he followed his patient into the night and smiled when he saw a full moon. _Well I'll be damned. _

Alynna told him right after she opened the door that Kanda remembered everything. That ought to change things, right? But then again, there wasn't anything he said in that nightmare that Kanda didn't already know. Kanda was hopeless like that, and he was sure everything was going to stay the same unless he did something about it.

So Lavi quickened his steps until he caught up with him and they were walking side by side. His heart was pounding like he just ran a mile as he thought of anything to say, something to start a new... something. "How are you feeling?" he asked, inwardly flinching at how lame it sounded even to his own ears.

Out of the millions of questions he wanted to ask, he went with that one. How medically obligatory... And ambiguous.

Kanda didn't answer for a moment before shaking his head slightly. "Fine. And yes, I can sleep on my own now on good nights."

"That's... That's good," he answered. "I mean, you have been suffering from insomnia for very long and it may take some time to get a normal sleeping pattern but I'm sure you'll be fine."

"Yeah," the other answered quietly. He was staring at the ground, blue eyes narrowing. His black hair shone smoothly under the moonlight that Lavi couldn't help but stare.

How could he have missed it? Right from the moment he met Kanda, he was doomed to fall.

Snap!

Lavi's eyes were wide in surprise. He stared at Kanda in utter shock. "Wha..."

But what surprised him more was the sudden hands on his nape that pulled him down, crashing his mouth against the swordsman's lips.

* * *

><p>Author's note:<p>

Well, I don't know what to say except... You're still reading this so thank you so much for your patience! The horrors are over from this point on unless my twisted mind comes up with another scheme. 13 chapters of dancing around each other and then defeating a supernatural third wheel... kanda and lavi deserve their happy moments, right?

The sort-of ending might be anticlimactic but nevertheless, i still want to hear from you. Their journey is still not over... So please review!

EDIT: (REVIEW REPLIES) So sorry for the very late replies! :(

Tricia Mamaril: Thank you so very much for reading and leaving me a review. The site sometimes malfunctions, or at least their notification system because I also got an email that said one of the stories I'm following on here got an update. I was also disappointed.

Guest: Thank you! :D

Crucifix HiME: Aaaaawwww... Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. :)


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